Midlife Uncensored
Midlife Uncensored-Real Life Discussions from Over the Hillis the no-holds-barred podcast you didn’t know you needed. Hosted by Joel Poppert, aka Poppy—the friendly Sasquatch with an epic beard—and his fiery co-host, Emanuela Messineo, aka E, this show unapologetically dives into the chaos, comedy, and WTF moments of midlife. If you’re 35-55 and ready to embrace the rollercoaster of aging, this podcast is your new home base.
Poppy and E tackle everything from modern dating disasters in the hilarious sub-series The Love Laugh Lounge (the “festivus” of dating) to real-life shit like divorce, mental breakdowns, balding, sagging tits, and figuring out how to parent while still figuring yourself out and maybe dealing with an unhinged ex. With a blend of interview episodes and no-expert-needed banter (except when we bring on experts), these two cut through the BS and get real about midlife—no filters, no sugarcoating, just pure, unfiltered truth with a heavy dose of humor. Expect raw, relatable stories, unfiltered guidance, tough love, easy happiness, and a few episodes where the comedy comes from alcohol infused banter, because who give a fuck, right?
Whether you’re dealing with the joys of aging, trying to keep your sanity while raising kids, or attempting to find love in a sea of idiots, Midlife Uncensored has your back. Expect a few F-bombs, some belly laughs, and a whole lot of honesty as Poppy and E rip the band-aid off midlife and give you permission to thrive in this beautifully messy chapter. It's not just about surviving midlife—it's about unfucking it and owning it! This is your community; we are in it together!
Midlife Uncensored
Thankful for Life, Love, and Giving Less F*cks
Join Poppy and E on this special pre-Thanksgiving episode of Midlife Uncensored! This week, we’re serving up a heaping plate of middle-aged wisdom with a side of laughs as we reflect on the art of not giving a f*ck and the many blessings we’re grateful for. From Friendsgiving antics and awkward first dates to hilarious dive bar reviews and egg salad horror stories, we keep it real while finding humor in the chaos of midlife.
We dive into personal growth topics, like setting boundaries, overcoming people-pleasing tendencies, and navigating relationship trauma with grace. Plus, we dish out our own experiences in dating, friendships, and the delicate dance of prioritizing what truly matters in life.
If you’re ready to trade guilt for gratitude and let go of life’s little dramas, this episode is your perfect Thanksgiving prep companion. So, grab your pumpkin pie, tune in, and get ready to laugh, reflect, and feel the feels. Gobble, Gobble!
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All right, all right, all right. Welcome to another episode of Midlife Uncensored. This is your host, poppy, your favorite friendly Sasquatch with the epic beard game, and to my right is my lovely co-host, emanuela Messinaio, also known as E. Before we get started, remember to subscribe. We're on the Instagram, the gram at Midlife Uncensoredensored. You can also find us by default on facebook, and remember to subscribe and reach out. We want to hear from you guys. Download all our episodes, rate us five stars, four stars, but if you want to rate us three stars, don't rate us at all. Make some comments, tell your friends. We're doing good things here and we love you all, so let's jump in. Welcome back everybody. This is episode 42 of Midlife Uncensored, the pre-Thanksgiving episode for you all. So today, for our Thanksgiving episode, we thought we would discuss some of the fucks that we don't give in middle age and then move on to the things that we're thankful for, because there's more to be thankful for when you give less fucks.
Speaker 1:That's right, that's my theory, and I got to give credit to my man, mark Manson, for the subtle art of not giving a fuck, which is where I really learned how to characterize the fucks I don't want to give and then not give a fuck, which is where I really learned how to characterize the fucks I don't want to give and then not give a fuck about them. And yes, my lovely co-host E is sitting across from me. How are you doing, e, hi?
Speaker 2:I'm good. How are you?
Speaker 1:Been a long time. Saw you at Friendsgiving this weekend that was fun.
Speaker 2:It was very fun.
Speaker 1:And then our little after party at the Skyline. Oh boy, it seems like I was in bed at 10 o'clock though, I know, but the party felt like a long day.
Speaker 2:It was a real long day and it's getting dark so early.
Speaker 1:How did that I've never seen so much food for so small amount of people I know there was a lot of food oh, it's unreal. A lot of food, yeah, yeah, that was fun yeah, and then we hit up the dive bar. Yeah, so we went, yeah, Skyline. Skyline's like an interesting dive bar. It's like you know, it's a dive bar.
Speaker 2:It's yeah right.
Speaker 1:Relative to the other dive bars in the neighborhood in the vicinity, it's not a dive bar.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, I love it. Yeah, I think. Wait, who was telling me what? What was the one? There's one on colfax that I think was just closed down because there's like too many shootings or something.
Speaker 1:alex wanted to go there I mean which particle I know well, 50 mile 35 37.
Speaker 2:I don't know, but I've also like scoped out where was. I was driving somewhere and then, like uh, drove by the one that's called the hangover and I'm like I mean that's right over here.
Speaker 1:You can't wear a hat there, that's what they have a dress code my, my ex-wife or a friend, went in there one time because it's in walking distance.
Speaker 2:Why can't? What's up with not wearing hats?
Speaker 1:because it's like gain related. They don't want you wearing hats in there because people wear like certain gains, wear certain hats with. I don yeah, you just can't. I remember that shit in downtown Minneapolis when I was in college where there were bars where, like you can't wear a hat here, I'm like what I don't know if I'm going bald. Man, come on, you just completely killed my game. You fucker, my fucking throw.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, that's hysterical.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the hangover is really not my jam. You know where I did go recently that I'd never been to in 21 years. I took a date there Totally going to do Plug City right now. The Grizzly Rose on Wednesday nights.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Free cover and free dance lessons. It was a post-after-dinner date thing and I had a great time.
Speaker 2:I've never been there.
Speaker 1:It's awesome.
Speaker 2:I've never been there and I keep hearing about it to go, but I've, I just have, like I keep forgetting about it yeah, wednesday nights I think I've decided I should not go back to sorry, gorgeous, even though that's like one of my favorite spots.
Speaker 1:But was that the one we went to a few weeks ago with katie?
Speaker 2:yeah, and I went on friday with jen, but you end up having bad luck on those nights.
Speaker 1:Why do I have bad luck?
Speaker 2:Oh, because, this is my season of getting dumped. You got dumped both nights.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh, dang it.
Speaker 1:When did I get dumped? This week it was Friday.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying Both times I was going to something gorgeous.
Speaker 1:I'm saying I shouldn't go there anymore.
Speaker 2:I got dumped and then I got my wallet stolen out of my truck I was laughing, though, speaking of dive bars, I was dying laughing, so I I went on. I went on a date, like a day date, with a guy that I met at the two birds fit thing, and like he was joking around about what we should do on our second date Did I tell you this? I have to tell the listeners. So it was like, oh, we could go for a stroll down Colfax, which I'm not really interested in. It's such a random.
Speaker 1:I don't even like going across Colfax, let alone going parallel to a downed Colfax.
Speaker 2:What's hysterical is I had this whole conversation with someone about going to that bathhouse on Colfax.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:And that apparently, there was like I swear I could be remembering this the wrong way, but I swear they said that there was like high reviews for like their egg salad. I was reading the reviews, though, and it is no, no, Well.
Speaker 1:I think it's for men. I don't think it's for men.
Speaker 2:On certain days.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's a Russian team house, isn't it, or something? Yes, I didn't know. I thought it went out of business.
Speaker 2:Well, they don't have a food license anymore, so you definitely don't want to eat the egg salad or whatever they were offering that apparently had some kind of high reviews, I don't know. Can you imagine?
Speaker 1:sitting in a bathhouse eating an egg salad.
Speaker 2:It makes me want to puke.
Speaker 1:I can't tell if I want to puke right now or shit my pants Like you're guaranteed to get food poisoning. It's like it's just like you might as well set a timer.
Speaker 2:The reviews are hysterical, so you should just read them anyways. And also just as funny, as there's another spot. It smells so bad. It smells so bad. Went in in the neighborhood, it smells so bad. Went in there and turned around and left. I didn't even order a drink. I was like either, all these people have COVID and can't smell right now.
Speaker 1:What bar?
Speaker 2:It's called shoot. Hang on, I knew you were going to ask me that. Dang it the Electric Cure. It's in Edgewater and there is the most funny review. I'll post it on our page. It is hysterical. Somebody describing the smell in there. First of all, they have high ratings, but I'm like I don't get it. It smells like egg salad went bad.
Speaker 1:Do you ever go to Sancho's Broken Arrow? When it used to be open, they finally got shut down for selling cocaine, cocaine, which I'm surprised. They lasted like 20 years, that's funny.
Speaker 2:My option two for this date was to go to the piper inn, which is like a biker bar in aurora and the only reason I know that is because I actually used to go.
Speaker 1:He was joking.
Speaker 2:He was like I hear the reviews aren't as bad as, or I hear it's not as bad as the reviews say. I used to go there for wings with a friend of mine, my cohort, my graduate cohort did a Colfax pub crawl.
Speaker 1:So the way our program worked is we had four days all day school and then everything was online for the quarter. So like that, four days we would be in classes all day and then we'd just get fucking hammered and then we'd show up to class again at six. We were young but we did this pub crawl one night and one of the bars one of the bars on our pub crawl was giving free tattoos as long as you put the logo in the tattoo, and they made you sign a waiver and people were just lined up getting the fucking tattoos at this was this on east colfax though, yeah, and then we ended at a heavy metal bar, and I'm not talking like trying to be a heavy metal bar, like we weren't welcome there.
Speaker 2:Everybody had like hair down to their like guys hair down their ass like shaking their head the bar oh my god it was awesome my some like back in the day I had a friend that used to do like a birthday pub crawl over there.
Speaker 1:So I mean, there are unique bars at least there used to be so I wanted to go back.
Speaker 2:But like our stretch of Colfax, no, thank you. No stretch of Colfax, but yeah, our stretch.
Speaker 1:No, somebody spent, whoever sold my wallet. I'm pretty sure I spent $100 at the McDonald's overdonald's over there at perry and colfax.
Speaker 2:Oh, my god, and then and then. That wasn't enough, so they got uber eats they got uber eats.
Speaker 1:I bet you delivered to the parking lot at mcdonald's, where everybody lives would you where?
Speaker 2:what?
Speaker 1:do you think they?
Speaker 2:ordered. What do you think you order?
Speaker 1:it was 95.80, I don't know, but that's a lot of. I don't don't know. I haven't been to McDonald's in like 10 years so I'm assuming the dollar burger now is a dollar 25 or something, but it's a lot of food. They probably bought food for everybody that lives there in that parking lot Cause I go to that liquor store. That's between. I always go to that liquor store cause I like those people and it's there's always people like living on the Boulevardcdonald's and it's just bad over there fucking makes me mad. So I know we got to get into the topic. But the two birds I just had this thought about two birds fit. Now is I've now dated three girls from two birds fit and now basically two, two birds fits gonna end up turning into a graveyard of people that you can't.
Speaker 1:People that I've dated yeah it's just gonna be like landmines, I mean it's.
Speaker 2:How do you feel about going back to their events then?
Speaker 1:I, oh I'm, I'm down for it. Um, I mean their next. Their last mixer this year is in longmont. I'm not gonna go date. I'm not gonna go to a mixer in longmont and they only have a couple meeting somebody that lives up there yeah, I'm not driving to Longmont.
Speaker 1:I won't even go to Boulder to date, but I was thinking about trying one of their. I don't know, like the good thing that came out of this last girl I dated. She was a really nice girl. It wasn't like there's no drama there, it just didn't work out. But she introduced me to the ClassPass which I'd never heard about.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, classpass is great heard about, so I didn't start we went to like a yoga thing together and it makes me want to start doing that. So I think maybe I'd do the fit, you know, the fit base ones, and I'll go to their mixers. But I think she's. It looks like she's stopping. She's shutting down like early december.
Speaker 2:Yeah they are yeah, anyway.
Speaker 1:So what? Uh, let's start with some fucks you don't give in your middle age.
Speaker 2:So I I wrote down one thing. I didn't have a whole lot of time to think through this, so the first thing that popped up not necessarily most important is some like keeping up with like all the fashion trends. I feel like I'm more like I do still like buy stuff and like try to keep up with things, but I'm more interested in it like fitting my body, not necessarily that it's like the most hip thing to be wearing, like I wore these tall socks today, but this isn't normal for me. I know this is like the new thing to do. I'm just cold today, so normally I'm like the ankle socks. You're not supposed to do that. I think the like taller socks are are in now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, they are Actually, they are in, and I think I've never really been into fashion so I don't really know.
Speaker 1:Or, like my jeans have elastic yeah exactly.
Speaker 2:Well, like jeans. It's like skinny jeans aren't really in, but I still wear some because I like them. But I also have like ones that are I don't know. So a little bit less about like fashion a little less about just more about, like, whatever I feel good in. Yeah, I've never right, I think you look good in your stuff.
Speaker 1:I remember you don't look like you're slacking. I mean right now I am. Are you wearing a sweatshirt? I mean, I'm wearing a shirt with paint on it, but I've allowed myself to give less fucks about whether I don't know if you can even put it in the context of fucks, but I allow myself not to feel so guilty about, I guess, shrinking my circle Does that make sense.
Speaker 1:So I'm happy to see people. I mean, I used to like try to maintain so many relationships and it just created this fucking cloud of anxiety because I it was hard and then I also think it just wasn't reciprocal and now I just don't, I guess, give a fuck. I give a fuck about the people that I want in my life, that I'm close to, but I think I'm not carrying as much guilt around who I'm seeing and who I'm not, and then definitely like looking out for me these days and my own mental health and being really cautious of the external noise that people can bring into your life, I guess yeah for sure.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think I used to get really. I used to feel really guilty about that and yeah, I don't anymore or less, so I guess.
Speaker 2:So is that just mostly like just setting some boundaries, or just like allowing things to have a little bit more? I don't know, just like not worrying about. Are you just like reaching out less, or you just like allowing things to have a little bit more? I don't know, just like not worrying about. Are you just like reaching out less? Or you just like, don't like what? Tell me more about how you're doing that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just think I'm reaching out less. I've let some people just got to go and I'm realizing that certain people fit better into my life than others. So in trying to, you know, I have a lot of, I know a lot of people and the people that I was trying to maintain relationships with I didn't forget about them. I think about them quite often. I just don't feel the need to. It was just it was there, was just like. It was hard to like maintain a relationship with them. They either don't live here or or they've got their own thing going on, or maybe it wasn't as reciprocal.
Speaker 2:Um, so it's not like you're like cutting, cutting these people out.
Speaker 1:No, if I see them.
Speaker 2:If I see them, it's just like yeah, you can't keep up with like everybody all the time. I think there's like a nice thing to knowing, like to giving some relationships some space and just letting them kind of go or come back at a different time, or like letting it just be a different, just letting it be different as you grow right, Like meaning you don't have to talk to the people all the time or whatever. It doesn't mean that there's anything negative there.
Speaker 1:No, and then I just think people, some people fit better into our lives than others and that's what we need, that's I've learned to sort of prior prioritize those people and it's created. You know, it's created all this space too. And then I'm also realizing, too like I'm a very like, even though I'm extremely extroverted, I love my, I'm trying to create, I'm trying to leave room open for dating and trying to, you know, a lot of our peers have significant others.
Speaker 1:I'd like to have one someday. So I just like I'm really cognizant of my schedule.
Speaker 1:Um, and I'm you know, I like to keep my, my life simple you know, and go on my journeys and travel and do my shit, but I also like keeping my downtime or my free time, simple instead of clouding it with with noise. So I'm very like sensitive to who I bring to my life. And going back to the original fuck not given is this. I just don't feel guilty about it. It's really like it's an extension of I don't feel. I try not to feel. I don't feel guilty about a lot of things anymore.
Speaker 1:It's one of the things that happen in life is I don't carry the anxiety around, like whether I'm making people happy or not, because I've learned finally in my middle age to trust who I am and the decisions I'm making, whether people like them or not. You know it also.
Speaker 2:I mean, there's only so much time that we have and it sounds like you're prioritizing some things that you want, which includes dating and getting out there so that you can find a a like romantic relationship for your future and so like, obviously, like if you're busy every single night of the week, you can pour your drink.
Speaker 2:What's wrong Then? That doesn't leave room for that, right? So at some point you have to prioritize things that you want in your life and that comes with career, relationships, kids, whatever it is, travel, whatever people have, like you know, hobbies or interests, careers, things that people want. So it just sounds like you know you're giving things some space. I mean, like I I have friends that I used to be able to see like once a week. We used to be able to fit that in, and now it's like once a month and that's because they're like busy with kids or whatever, and that's totally okay. Like I don't, it doesn't. Things just kind of change at times, you know, or people's abilities, like you know they have other priorities and that's okay. So I think that's cool.
Speaker 2:And I think for me one of the fucks not given would be like I probably would have taken that personally before and now it's like no, that's okay, like it's just okay to give that some space, and I'm not taking it personally. So that's not necessarily like a fuck not given, but maybe just like something that's not upsetting me, that maybe I would have maybe taken the wrong way before. I think the other thing for me would be saying no to things. This goes in line with, I think, what you said. Mine would be saying no to things. This goes in line with, I think, what you said. Mine would be saying no to things like kind of just knowing my limit and not feeling bad about having to say no.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I do. It is really important to me to follow through on like what I commit to doing, though so I really try to not break plans with people, but that does happen sometimes. So if that, if I do, I try to do it with enough of a heads up that I'm not totally, uh, being like disrespectful of someone's time. But yeah, and if I either can't or don't want to do something for one reason or another whether it be like finances or it's just too much time, like I actually I had two dates on the calendar with a friend of mine and I was like look, and this was.
Speaker 2:I gave her like at least a week heads up. I was like, can we just cancel one of those? Like I have zero nights to myself to like just get caught up on stuff around the house or do or whatever. Just some flexibility. And so I just asked her if we could like cancel one of those right, and so it's like we still have some time together. So before I probably wouldn't have done that because I would have been too worried about like upsetting the other person or whatever.
Speaker 1:So you know, no, no I would have been too worried about upsetting the other person or whatever. No, no, I would have been the same way. I think in my older age I'm a little bit more proactive about committing to doing things.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I love committing to doing things at the last minute because then I have all that time to think about it. But I definitely don't give a fuck whether I do certain things or not. Yeah, and I give zero fucks whether I do certain things or not. Yeah, and I give zero fucks whether I go out on a fucking Friday night or a Saturday night or not. Yeah, I mean, I want to go out, at least do something.
Speaker 1:For me, it's important that I'm socializing with people and getting out of my house. But even three hours, two hours on a Friday, like a happy hour, I'm like I'm good and I can spend the rest of the weekend here at my house, like I'm just. I'm really like I can. I do stuff. I'm writing a book, I do my yard work. It's why I like my house, but yeah, but I also recognize too that at some point I'm going to be in a relationship again and then there's going to be somebody like there's just gonna be a lot more sharing of my time, right. So I'm this. This last two and a half years has really been sort of regroup, revitalize, real realign, work on my mental health, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I think the biggest thing I give a fuck about was the people pleasing stuff that we've talked about before. So I think just having some better acceptance around who I am and what I bring to the table and not needing everyone else's acceptance has definitely gotten better over time. I mean, I still want people around me to feel supported and I still want to feel accepted from people, but it's not like controlling me.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't do things for that. In the same way, if that makes any sense, Can I ask you like when you?
Speaker 1:started to do that. Did it create friction in some of your relationships?
Speaker 2:Uh, yep, sure did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was curious.
Speaker 2:For me. Uh, it was like a trauma response, you know, to like certain things that you know, whatever. So like there's, you know you can read up on on that stuff if you're interested I don't want to go into all the mental health stuff but like.
Speaker 2:So it's just taken a long time to unpack that, but there for sure were some pretty like I would say. Maybe I don't know, like I'm not going to put them all in this bucket, but there were some like codependent friendships that came out of that, that like era of like my life, I suppose, and so to maintain those it it took it was difficult to get through that and not and and to like change in that and myself and to still maintain those friendships and to like change in that in myself and to still maintain those friendships. And yeah, that was a difficult process. And to like one of my best friends is like. You know, we kind of took like some time off because of that. Like I think she was really upset by some of the boundaries I was trying to communicate and took it the wrong way, and then you know we've come back around, and so I don't know. That's also like a beautiful thing too, is like when you can kind of grow together, grow apart and then come back together too. So that's been really nice.
Speaker 1:Now, though, so that's great, yeah, congratulations.
Speaker 2:Thanks. And then there's some that didn't make it through, unfortunately. It's like, not because of like again cutting out, but it's like if you can't, I don't know, some people aren't don't want to make that same change. I guess, like they still want it to be the old way and they're just not at the same place, and so you just it. It's unfortunate, but like, yeah, I don't know why we always end up back on this topic of of uh.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:I know it's hard, though, because my friendships have always been, like, super important to me, and I don't think anybody would argue that you're.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think I never saw the people pleasing side of you. I just see the. I just see a woman who cares very deeply about her friendships, um, but you do set boundaries, you like. You have the ability to sort of balance boundaries with quite a pretty relatively high level of care for your people, which is which is great and it's unique. I think people like me I tend to I don't know I. I don't know what I get away with with my, with my. I'm a genuine person, but I don't think I'm a big. I don't know. I care for people, but I care in a different way. I'm an access service person. I always have been, but, um, or I'm just around to be funny, I guess, look pretty, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I love it.
Speaker 1:It's good, anyway, so but I think, whatever I'm doing, I think you know I give. I don't spend a lot of time like judging myself anymore either in my own age.
Speaker 1:And you know, we're unique in the sense that we're dating quite often and I think dating is not for the faint of heart and there's a whole nother episode about dating in middle life. But, like, definitely I maintain a pretty reasonable amount of confidence and assurance in myself and who I am and what I have to offer I, because I have reasonable perspective. But I'll tell you that sometimes, like I try not to give a fuck about it sometimes, but sometimes it's like fuck man, what happened? Like I don't, I don't understand and I'm sure that everybody's having that.
Speaker 2:I think it's hard not to give a fuck about that, because if you're really genuinely putting something into it like it's hard when it doesn't work out, even if it's, even if you can agree on that or whatever. I mean, I just had that happen, you know, multiple times this year.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it happens. I also feel like it's so blindsided these days, like it's so boom, like am I missing something? It just seems very, it seems very abrupt.
Speaker 2:I mean I don't know. I think that's where I don't know. I mean I, you know, obviously every situation is different. So it's like hard for me to to know that I think you've obviously been. I mean, we're out there, right? So if people listen to the podcast, and especially with like you've gone like kind of back and forth with like the idea of like whether or not you want to have kids, and I feel like you're trying to figure that out and whatever, and so like, and some weeks you're very adamantly one way or the other, and so if somebody goes back and listens to something, they're going to hear an opinion About my duplex design for couples.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Like I feel like you almost need to I don't know just have a conversation with someone upfront about that or say like can you not listen for a period of time, like so that you can have like an organic way to get to know each other. I mean the, the one guy I just went out with. He's like I started listening. He's like it was felt weird. He's like I it felt like an unfair advantage, so he stopped. He like didn't even listen to a full episode because he was like it just it throws the balance off, which I appreciate. I mean I don't really ask one way or another, but I don't really offer it up.
Speaker 1:Like it's not on my profile anymore.
Speaker 2:I had it on for a period of time, but I you know, I think it's.
Speaker 1:I think it's hard.
Speaker 2:Well, I think you know you're. I think, at the end of the day, you're putting yourself out there and you're still figuring out certain things of what it is that you're looking for, and that is totally okay.
Speaker 1:Not everybody has all the answers. It's a trauma response. I felt very and I think we've all had bad relationships I don't want to say bad relationships that didn't work Right and they feel trapped. You feel trapped and I think I spent a long time feeling trapped and not myself.
Speaker 1:I lost myself for a lot of reasons and again, I'm not blaming anybody there's two people in a relationship but I spent a long time very at a at a period in my life in my 30s when I thought I was going to have a family and do all these things. I spent a lot of it very confused and lost, lost who I was, lost poppy and that that had a very. That that was traumatizing to me and it's it's taken these like the last thing to sort of get healthy around was what I wanted dating I mean I haven't been like bad and dating I just have been really closed. I've been really sort of roller coaster about commitment and the all. If you look back at all the podcasts and where I'm cock blocking myself. It's all a trauma response to commitments like yeah, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna, we're gonna live in separate places.
Speaker 1:I'm never-blocking myself. It's all a trauma response to commitments Like I'm going to get a, we're going to live in separate places. I'm never going to move in with a woman again, I'm not going to have kids with them, I don't. I don't want to have a family, blah, blah blah. Because all of those things are commitment related.
Speaker 2:They're all glued to a relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it keeps people at an arm's length of in some in some way now that kind of like planted that seed back in me and it didn't take much for me to like come out of that. I'm still very picky, but I I know now that I want to be a relationship wait, do you?
Speaker 2:are you like a little more open to like actually living with someone? Then yeah, yeah, I mean not in the first six months no, I'm not suggesting that that that would be fast, but like the kids thing, though, is so hard. I mean this last thing, that that would be fast, but like the kids thing, though, is so hard.
Speaker 2:I mean this last thing, I think that's great, like I mean not that everybody needs to conform to that, because I do think there are some people that genuinely are okay living in separate places or whatever but I I think it's great that you're just like more open to some of these things rather than trying to keep people a little further away yeah, in my, in my, just my duplex in your duplex. You're such a I'm also.
Speaker 1:I'm also open to women of children too.
Speaker 2:Now um hopefully they're older, but I mean, I think that's natural too, like I know you didn't have this experience in terms of time, time that they're able to like give you like you, but I give less about what they come with. There's a lot of like there's. There's a lot on their plate, you know. So there's just, I think, a lot of flexibility with time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm trying to go into dating. I mean, this is my therapist suggests. I just need to give things, try new things, give things, stop being so close-minded about certain things, kids, having kids, all this stuff and right now I'm really focused on finding the person.
Speaker 2:Be more open-minded.
Speaker 1:I like that Because it's so hard to find the person, and if you find the person, then whatever else. This is what I told this last girl I was dating. It's like if I meet my person, then I'm kind of open to whatever, Because it's all going to work as well as it can. Because if I meet my person and she wants to have kids, that's a big thing for me Sure, it's a big thing for anybody but I also think it could be a beautiful thing with the right person.
Speaker 1:Um anyway, we're getting off track. Uh, so I give less fucks about what they come with, long as they're 10, and then uh, you keep doing it.
Speaker 2:You just can't help yourself, that's all right, I'm the editor.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 2:Well, I've.
Speaker 1:As long as there are 7.75.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've recently. I think, in the spirit, though, of being open-minded I know this isn't what we were intending to talk about today, necessarily, but in the spirit of being open-minded and just kind of giving people a shot, I've I'm trying to not make any assumptions or judgments and just like go on like three dates, like without being overly attached to like any one thing that happens. In that time. I mean, I've had some pretty weird, egregious first dates.
Speaker 1:We're going to check in on you in three months.
Speaker 2:But I feel like if it's like a decent, you know first date, like just you know, see it out Like, go on a second, go on a third. Sometimes there's like nerves or things that can come up or you might take something the wrong way. So like just being a little bit more open minded but at the same time, like I do, I feel like I can give people sometimes too much of the benefit of the doubt. So I have to like check myself too, like I can't, I gotta let people, I gotta be. I have to be aware of like when people show you who they are, believe them, kind of thing.
Speaker 2:So but I mean, I think that's a good approach you know, you know like I feel, like I could, I could give people three dates, for the most part, like well you're assuming you like you're assuming that there was a reason to go on the second date.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean like if it was like a decent definitely dates. You're assuming that there was a reason to go on the second date.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, if it was a decent. There's definitely dates where you're like no, If you're on the fence, I'm like, yeah sure I'll go Right. Just I don't know, stop trying to look. I don't know, it's a little bit different in my head. I guess it's not a very big shift. It makes total sense, but I'm just trying to be a little bit more open-minded and less judgmental well, yeah, because that's what's ruining dating.
Speaker 1:Is that we're just like? Everybody we're super cutthroat. I read a and then we should move to thank you or thankfulness, but like I read a thing on little nudge, a thread today that made me so upset. It was like some girl was like I offered to pay half of the bill and then he accepted my offer. And how do I? How do I say I didn't want to actually do that. And then the thread became this thing she was in her right. She's like well, don't offer things you don't plan to give.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And then it was like there's all this stuff about like well, if a girl offers to pay half the bill, that means they're not interested, and if he accepts your offer he's not interested and blah, blah, blah, and I wrote on there. I was like there's like 130 of these comments just coming in and I was like this is why everybody thinks dating sucks is because you guys are focused on who's paying the bill, thinks dating sucks is because you guys are like, you guys are focused on who's paying the bill. I, I mean, I've always been an advocate for men paying the bill the first few times, but I also recognize that, like that, women are doing really well too right now and some don't want, some don't want a man to pay for the whole bill and some do and some don't. Let's not read into it. If you fucking offer to pay half the bill and the guy accepts, let's not read into it at all.
Speaker 2:like, um, I also think I mean I do agree. I think it's nice, for I think it's nice for a man to to pay for the first few. I mean not right, wrong or indifferent. I also think, though, like, for as much as we're dating and going on dates like first, second, third dates and not and it doesn't go to more than that like that's a lot to put on all the men out there and I feel like it's like burning people out in some way. So like I almost I'm fine paying for my like if I'm going out, like I'm fine paying for my own stuff, but there is something in the just think it keeps us on the sidelines yeah, I it's.
Speaker 2:It sucks because I don't really know what the answer is like. I think it is nice. I don't know. I don't know what the answer is there.
Speaker 1:It sucks I think the answer is to date. Well, I mean it's also everything with inflation and stuff. Everything's gotten so expensive, but this isn't the topic. But I see both sides of it. I think it's expensive to date and I think the answer is really just date less and do what you're doing, or what you suggested is try to find somebody. Again, it's super hard, Like you go to these mixers and stuff. They don't fucking know. You know, I just I just got done with eight dates with this girl and spending some quality time together, kind of going somewhere and it's over, and that's way better and more gratifying than date, date, date, date, ching ching, date, ching ching. I mean, at one point I was spending like over two grand a month just dating.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And uh, with this and the psycho. That's my own damn fault, though, Cause I was bored.
Speaker 2:Okay, I mean, I also think it like what I try to do. Just it doesn't need to be an expensive date, right? Like I feel like the first date you just need to like see each other in person, see if there's like a little banter or whatever, right, so that doesn't need to cost a lot of money. So if, if I want the man to pay for whatever, like, I'm going to make sure it's not like anything too expensive either, Cause I don't know what if there's going to be a second date if there's a second or third, then it's harder in the winter, so you're like you have to be inside and spend money.
Speaker 1:But what are you thankful for?
Speaker 2:I'm thankful for you and our podcast.
Speaker 1:Me too, ditto. Yeah, that one was easy.
Speaker 2:I'm thankful for a steady job. I have a good job, so has its challenges, but there's a lot, I don't know. I feel like there's like a lot of people getting like laid off or just uncertainty and so like it's been. I've been with this company for almost eight years so I'm I don't know it's nice to have that'm. I don't know it's nice to have that stability and I don't know. But there's lots of other things. Why don't you give me one?
Speaker 1:I am very thankful for, uh, my mental health and, I guess, my therapist, because, um, I think that's just been a game changer for me, and finding a good therapist is not the easiest thing in life for some people. I think a lot of people spend time with the wrong therapist.
Speaker 1:It can be even worse. So I have a very good relationship with my therapist. We've done wonders in terms of reducing my anxiety and making me highly self-aware, which is another thing I'm very thankful for, is my. I mean, I did the work and now I have this sort of ability to regulate and have the perspective and you know the time. So that's great. That's a great tool to take into the second half of my life, particularly middle age.
Speaker 1:I'm happy for. You know I'm thankful for to be vain. I'm thankful for my height and my health and being a good-looking guy. I appreciate and thank you for that and my mom and my dad. I'm very thankful for my mom and my family, but my mom and I have a very good relationship and I appreciate that. And then my friends. My small circle now is so healthy, so I'm very happy there. And I got some some work to do on my, what I want to do with my career going forward and which I'm not concerned about. I'm making the moves and then, yeah, I'm ready to share my life, I think, with somebody.
Speaker 1:So I'm hoping 2025 sort of brings some forward progress in you know me, sort of finally taking my 20-year entrepreneurial career and putting it into one bucket and then sharing that with somebody. So that was a lot.
Speaker 2:Good job, I like it. That was nice. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Oh God, you and your fucking gobbling. I'm thankful for Thank you for not doing that right in the microphone this time. You scared the shit out of me last time.
Speaker 1:I'm thankful for everybody that came to Friendsgiving this weekend. Yeah, my mom.
Speaker 2:Well, this isn't going to be out till. This is going to be out right before Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1:So, thankful for everybody that's coming to Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2:I was going to say I, I am like so blessed with friends that come out to visit me all the time and make time for me, even the ones that can't come out and visit at times. But I don't know. I have some pretty amazing people in my life, so that's probably that's gotta be right up there. I, I, I am very blessed with that, that is, there are some people that would do just about anything for me.
Speaker 1:You do have. I've been really enjoying I mean, I've you know, we've, you're sort of like the new friendship in my middle age, like one of my best friends that came out of this new Joel new journey and then to be able to like sort of plug into your friend group has just been a real blessing. It's like I got to. It's like it's a blessing that a lot of people don't have to be able to just like, particularly in middle age, just sort of plug into a whole, like such a genuine friend group.
Speaker 2:It's cool to see that in the mixing too. Right, like some of your friends that came to like the Halloween party and then like seeing them, I don't know, like overlap with other people there. I love that kind of thing, you know that's like and we get to do it again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're very selectively, sort of like intertwining them and I think it's, I think it's been fun. I had another Effectively sort of like intertwining them and I think it's, I think it's been fun I had another, I had another this is actually like a fuck and a thankful the two go hand in hand and you're going to hate me. You're going to get mad at me for it, but I am very thankful that I have trained my brain not to give fuck about politics.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And again, I give a fuck. Don't get me wrong, I don't, I give a fuck. And don't get me wrong, I don't, I give a fuck, it just doesn't. It doesn't incite an emotional flight or flight fight or flight response for me it's very.
Speaker 1:It's just like I can read the news and be like, okay, and that is so new for me because I spent I mean, I grew up in a family where politics was, was center stage and it was dictated, created anxiety in my family, with my, with my folks, and I sort of learned that was learned behavior to get charged up about it to, you know, hate the other side and blah, blah, and now it's just like all right and I don't know if that's just middle age, realizing that I'm, by the time anything really impacts me I'll be dead, because I've come to the conclusion also that nothing changes in that world, so it's just a bounce back and forth.
Speaker 1:But yeah, that has been such a blessing not to care to the point now where I just get that noise that those people I set boundaries around to Like I'm, like I can't deal with your noise, like this whole the world is ending bullshit. Yeah, I think just watching you too is like.
Speaker 2:In that regard, I think the observation I have for you is it seems like you have, like, you do care, you do your part, that is in your control, and you also recognize what's out of your control and you have acceptance around that Right and so like. I think that's really the key of the, the art, the art of not giving a fuck Right Is like you can't control other drivers on the road. I still get fucking pissed. I get I, you know I do like because it's a like. For me it's a constant reminder of how much of like, how inconsiderate people are sometimes. Like people are in their own world and I know it's not like they're not doing something to me, but I'm like, just get your head out of your ass. Like what are we doing?
Speaker 1:But anyways, the point is, is like cars are just a lever for passive aggressiveness.
Speaker 2:by the way, yeah, and I think it's like the point of Of it is like let's not waste our energy on things we can't control Right. And so you have just identified though you know, I mean the drama around politics is not going to go away and it's probably not going to get better, probably going to get more intense over time. And so I think having a healthy relationship around what you can do and like what you have control over and what you don't, is great. I would say. The other one of the other things, and there's like a lot of things I should probably rattle off that I'm thankful for, cause, but the and there's like a lot of things I should probably rattle off that I'm thankful for.
Speaker 2:But the other thing I've struggled with this year is like just some chronic pain issues that I had to kind of reconfigure, like a lot of my physical activity and stuff to like while I've been nursing these, like like whatever injuries I have going on. But it does make you then thankful for like all these resources, like I have this like amazing acupuncturist and I get cupping and all the I don't know massage therapy, all this stuff that I do to like I don't know. It just makes you thankful for that kind of stuff and that's really like the main, like practices of gratitude is like you can't take the good without the bad, so it's like learning to kind of accept the bad. I think it makes you appreciate the good even more.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I found some I'm very thankful to. This is this is like a light one, but I'm very thankful for some of the podcasts that I've, that I've weaned, that I've wove into my life like I'm religious about prof g and and mark manson so I'm not giving a fuck. And then there's some other ones. I mean I like the uf one. It's, that's his entertainment. But prof g, prof g and mark manson have been his. They're.
Speaker 1:Scott galloway is an interesting person If you want every perspective. I just think his perspective is so balanced and just podcasts in general have been just revolutionary in terms of like just getting getting real content, like getting detailed content and perspective from people that actually have the time and the platform to have a real conversation about shit and getting people off of hopefully getting people off of like the 24 hour news cycle and what have you, and then just giving people content that they never thought they wanted. You know, everybody's got their little niche and thing that they like. I just think podcasts are. While we're sitting on a podcast, there's such a great stuff out there.
Speaker 2:I mean, like I've even found one that's like a meditation, uh practice. So this woman like puts stuff out, I think almost daily. I mean I just have certain ones. I like that I listened to uh repeatedly. But there's some like cool stuff out there, and it's not all just people talking about stuff like we talk about there, but there's like real resources out there. I think it's it.
Speaker 1:I agree with you that that's like a really cool resource that we have it's, yeah, it's been great, I think I mean it's reduced the amount of reading I do, but I I also think it's balanced, I, between reading and uh and podcasts. It's an interesting way to. I always read, for the most part nonfiction anyway, so it's it just. I mean, I listened to two, probably two hours of podcasts a day. If I'm having a good day, um.
Speaker 2:I've. I've weaned off lately for some reason. I don't really know why. I think I've always really liked them. I was pretty religious about certain ones. I need to, I need to kind of re-up that. Now I listen to ours and a couple others, but cause I like to the? The reason I like to listen back to ours is it helps me with some like self-awareness, I think. Sometimes we think we're saying something a certain way and sometimes it comes out a different way.
Speaker 1:So it's good. I listen to them sometimes, but I edit them too, and sometimes it comes out a different way. So it's good.
Speaker 2:It's been like a good learning experience for me to gain some self-awareness there. But I also have to say like I have to give props to my brother too. I don't think he listens, but he does a pretty good job showing up. He's a good brother.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's coming to Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2:He is, but he's like a good yeah, he's good and like, oh my gosh, like all the little kids I don't know, there's like some pretty like cool kids, including my. My brother's two kids and I got to spend time with. My sister came in town and I lived in Ohio when her two boys were younger, so I spent a ton of time with them and hadn't really spent a lot of time with one with them in a while. So I got to spend a day with him this year and that was really cool to get to see him all like kind of grown up.
Speaker 1:It's nice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just family stuff. Thankful that I I didn't plan for this, but I kind of hoarded all my like vacation time this year or a bunch of it, or maybe I'm earning more than I realized, I don't know, but I'm. I get to take three weeks and go to Europe at the end of the year, so I'm super thankful for that and get to go see my uncle for part of that, so that was like the main point of that trip, you'll have to talk to my mom.
Speaker 2:She loves Italy, so yeah, um but there's so many other cool things. The other, like I don't know, there we have so many luxuries I think that we probably take for granted, you know, and so I don't know, I'm just thankful for like this is so silly. So I was coming back from my last work trip. It had snowed a bunch, so my car was like snowed in at the airport, pull out. Like I had to pull the car out so that I could like get the snow off Cause there was so much snow around my car from like the snow plows and stuff. So I pull out whatever the fricking tailgate wouldn't latch.
Speaker 2:My car is like not the new one, it's like a 2011, right, so, first of all, the key fob stopped working, also remembered now, uh, the outlets stopped working, remember, cause I couldn't blow up the damn paddle boards. The tailgate wouldn't latch. So I had to drive home and and like every time I'd hit a bump, like the car would start beeping because the tailgate was trying to lift up. I was like my car is falling apart, but it makes me appreciate my car. I got some of the stuff fixed, got to get more of it fixed, and then I have to decide if I actually want to keep this car until it dies or sell it and go get a Jeep. But that's like just a luxury that I feel like.
Speaker 1:Don't get a Jeep, the Ford are such a better car.
Speaker 2:It is such a better car Like I love driving a Jeep Like I love, just because you're just in the sunshine, right Like the air, and it sounds so silly Like I just I always miss having a Jeep, but at the same time, like I have to think about I mean, the forerunner is so reliable.
Speaker 1:It's been such a good car for me. Mine just drives fine. I mean I need to fix the Deans. I got a little crack.
Speaker 2:Do you want to buy mine, and then I'll buy a different one.
Speaker 1:Uh one, uh, could I just buy your tailgate and uh front bumper, because I've smashed the shit out of mine. I mean, mine outside of the horn being broke has been pretty solid, but I don't drive that much, so anyway, uh, just to keep the ball rolling.
Speaker 2:So let's, let's wrap up here and I'd like to add, though, that mesa is very thankful for the treats that I bring her.
Speaker 1:Yes, she is. You've made my dog into a crack whore. You know you're over the hill when.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, are you going to share it?
Speaker 1:You know you're over the hill when you leave your car out in the front of your house the one time with the doors open and the wallet in the glove box, and it gets stolen and you're like should have known better because it didn't. Yes, I was upset when it first happened, but I wasn't like in my day. I was just like you know what, I'm not gonna let this ruin my day. It's funny. It's funny. So my wallet I'll show you after this.
Speaker 2:My wallet over there is. It's just a wallet with one Best buy credit card in it, because I bought a tv with with best buy credit, like six years ago. Oh my god, thankfully it's just been sitting in the drawer.
Speaker 1:They never close down credit cards, so all those cards, and then I'm going hunting this week, so all my cards are. I stopped my mail delivery so that, um, they don't show up, oh god. So yeah, that was. That was annoying, but well you what about the one from blake?
Speaker 2:huh the letter he got in the mail.
Speaker 1:You know you're over the hill when you know you're over the hill when you get a letter from aarp, which is bullshit, at age 50.
Speaker 2:I know, I was like that was pretty funny though.
Speaker 1:I had a woman call me up today and she got she called me up and she this has nothing to do with anything, but I appreciate the cold calling, I guess. But she's like I got referred to you by Tommy Negro and he's a client, he's like a colleague of mine in the hospitality industry. So I'm like, okay, cool, I love Tommy, you know he's all he's actually. I like I love Tommy and then she's I thought maybe she had like a development deal. She needs a loan. I'm like sweet business. And no, she wanted to sell me clothes and just like, come over and like fit me for like clothes and blah, blah, blah. And she got really disappointed when I was like she's like, well, I'm like that's not really my jam. I'm definitely not in the market for fitting.
Speaker 1:It's somebody to come and like dress me, period. I was like you don't know me at all and she kept like well, can I call you in like three months and see where you're at? I'm like I wanted to be like you don't know me at all and she kept like well, what can I call you in like three months and see where you're at? I'm like I wanted to be like honey, like it's not happening, like I I get my suits fitted Indochino, that's about as far as I go, but like I'm not paying for for somebody to dress me.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, that was great. I'm trying to. Yeah, I think that's good Mic drop.
Speaker 1:All right, everybody, remember to follow us on Instagram at Midlife, uncensored, and I guess, if you want to follow us on Facebook and we want to hear from you, slip into our DMs. Let us know what's going on, share your stories and please subscribe and rate us. It goes a long ways. It means a lot as we grow here. Bye, bye.
