Midlife Uncensored
Midlife Uncensored-Real Life Discussions from Over the Hillis the no-holds-barred podcast you didn’t know you needed. Hosted by Joel Poppert, aka Poppy—the friendly Sasquatch with an epic beard—and his fiery co-host, Emanuela Messineo, aka E, this show unapologetically dives into the chaos, comedy, and WTF moments of midlife. If you’re 35-55 and ready to embrace the rollercoaster of aging, this podcast is your new home base.
Poppy and E tackle everything from modern dating disasters in the hilarious sub-series The Love Laugh Lounge (the “festivus” of dating) to real-life shit like divorce, mental breakdowns, balding, sagging tits, and figuring out how to parent while still figuring yourself out and maybe dealing with an unhinged ex. With a blend of interview episodes and no-expert-needed banter (except when we bring on experts), these two cut through the BS and get real about midlife—no filters, no sugarcoating, just pure, unfiltered truth with a heavy dose of humor. Expect raw, relatable stories, unfiltered guidance, tough love, easy happiness, and a few episodes where the comedy comes from alcohol infused banter, because who give a fuck, right?
Whether you’re dealing with the joys of aging, trying to keep your sanity while raising kids, or attempting to find love in a sea of idiots, Midlife Uncensored has your back. Expect a few F-bombs, some belly laughs, and a whole lot of honesty as Poppy and E rip the band-aid off midlife and give you permission to thrive in this beautifully messy chapter. It's not just about surviving midlife—it's about unfucking it and owning it! This is your community; we are in it together!
Midlife Uncensored
Midlife Gripes: Road Rage, Gluten, and Waxing Woes
In this laugh-out-loud episode of Midlife Uncensored, your favorite friendly Sasquatch, Joel (aka Poppy), and the unapologetically funny Emanuela (aka E, the self-proclaimed Sausage Queen), dive into the messy, ridiculous, and hilarious realities of midlife. From waxing nostrils gone wrong to navigating the minefield of online dating and catfishing, no topic is off-limits.
Joel opens up about his Halloween costume dilemmas (Disco Dan or Cheerleader?), while E contemplates becoming the Sausage Queen for Halloween. Together, they tackle midlife gripes like gluten intolerance, road rage, and the ongoing battle with body hair. Plus, hear listener stories, including one woman's wild journey through the world of nose waxing.
Whether you're over 40 or just want a preview of what's to come, this episode will have you cracking up at the absurdity of it all while embracing the chaos of midlife. So, pour yourself a drink, sit back, and get ready to laugh, because aging might suck—but we’re here to make it a whole lot funnier.
How to Engage with Us
- Email us at joel@owningalonepodcast.com
- DM us on Instagram midlifeuncensored
- Follow Joel on IG jpoppert
- Follow Emanuela on IG emanuela5683 or accountability_with_e
Thanks for joining the Owning Alone community, I certainly appreciate you!
all right, all right, all right. Welcome to another episode of midlife uncensored real talk from over the hill. This is your favorite friendly sasquatch with the epic beard game, joel popper aka poppy, and to my right here is my lovely co-host, emmanuela messineo, also known as e also known as the sausage queen this one's sticking, isn't it? You did buy the apron, so I guess I did.
Speaker 2:I just can't. It's so funny at this point, I love it I mean, I do love sausage I'm actually thinking about spoiler alert, uh, being a sausage queen for halloween next year. Can't do it this year, or maybe I'll do it on thursday if I go to the two birds wearing like a hot dog suit with a no, I think I need, I've. I mean I want to wear that apron that says she loves the meat, and then that's as far as I've gotten. I think you should make your whole hand profile, just sausage stuff.
Speaker 2:I mean I did put one of the photos on of me eating one of those big ass hot dogs, but I feel like I'm attracting the wrong kind of people.
Speaker 1:No, you'll definitely get the wrong attention, for sure.
Speaker 2:So I mean, I was just trying to be funny, but I was like, okay, time to clean this up a little bit.
Speaker 1:Whenever I decide that I don't want to be in a relationship anymore, I just put the picture of me with my. When I just want to be in casual relationships, just the picture of me in the apron that says I'll cook for sex, oh nice. And then I think nine out of 10 girls pass me up, but the one girl that's like likes that picture. I'm like, oh it's on. At least that's the story I've built up in my head. I love it.
Speaker 2:I think we need a picture with us both wearing our aprons.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, we talked about wearing them at the Halloween party here coming up on Thursday. I might go with Disco Dan, but I'll wear the apron, maybe. I don't know that it's appropriate for me to go to a speed dating with an apron that says we'll cook for sex well, do you think it would be appropriate for me to wear the one that says she loves the meat?
Speaker 2:I know like again, I just kind of think it would be funny. But whatever I know, that's why I'm like it's either that or I'll be the dark angel again.
Speaker 1:That was my house costume last year, I can wear my cheerleading outfit yeah, so um, but yeah, if a guy showed, up at a half of a speed dating thing, a halloween party in a costume, in a cheerleading outfit? Like what does that say to you? A cheerleading outfit? Like what does that say to you? Do you think disco dan or cheerleading outfit? I don't know that I have the balls. I mean, I have the balls to wear the cheerleading outfit, but they might hang below the skirt yeah, I don't know if I've actually seen your cheerleading outfit.
Speaker 2:I've seen the disco dan one and that's a solid one it's a lot of white hairy leg yeah and uh what are you more comfortable in? Oh disco dan okay, so I would do that because it's already. I feel like remember the last one. There were so many people. For me that's like a you're like a rock star in these situations, but I feel like whatever you're more comfortable in, that's gonna, that's the winner.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I'm still single from the last one.
Speaker 2:I know, but my point is though if you're at all self-conscious or questioning your outfit, it's going to get in your head. Don't do that. Set yourself up for success. This is my new motto.
Speaker 1:I mean not new, but it's in the front of my mind all the time deplorable too, I've done that before, where I just wear my mullet wig and my american shirt and a bag of hat that's fine too, there you go yeah so what else?
Speaker 2:you might rub some people the wrong way, that it's the wrong time of year.
Speaker 1:I would not go that way no it, I just you'd be in a polarizing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wouldn't do that. What's been new? I what's been new. We've caught up just a little bit before we started this, but what's happened since the last time I saw you?
Speaker 1:when's the last time you saw me? I don't have anything I don't think anything exciting has happened to me in the last week. I started painting, I started actually doing my laundry room, so that might actually get finished here in the next century.
Speaker 2:Um adulting things. You're doing adulting things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I watched a whole series. I like binge watch a series on Netflix cause I didn't really do anything on Friday.
Speaker 2:What'd you watch?
Speaker 1:Uh, I can't remember what it's called anymore, but it was good, was on prime prime's actually oh, not netflix, but on prime okay, yeah, prime is it new, because if somebody just recommended something for me on prime, I feel like yeah, it's like one with like nicole kidman and there's like cia one, I don't know I I like that type of stuff.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I like that too.
Speaker 1:But I have a terrible memory so I can't remember.
Speaker 2:I swear Somebody.
Speaker 1:I went to a Halloween. I went to my buddy, jesse Burns, some rafting buddies and his wife or his fiancee, nico's annual Halloween pumpkin carving party and that was fun. Good to catch up with the rafting crew.
Speaker 2:You posted some pictures from it. Which pumpkin was your like? What was your pumpkin?
Speaker 1:oh, I had, I made it a sasquatch inside of a sasquatch footprint. Oh, very damn. But the guy ben, who I hope we can have on the show, ben bao, uh, he did a catfish with a bumble symbol on the back. It was love it yeah, like a really good looking catfish because he had just gotten cash fish catfish that week oh my gosh dating okay not to share someone else's story somebody made a bond out of a pumpkin oh my gosh, that was and people were smoking out of it. What about?
Speaker 2:okay, so wait, can you tell me more about this catfish story, or is that sharing too much because it's not your story? He didn you tell me more about this catfish story, or is that sharing too much because it's not your story?
Speaker 1:he didn't tell me all the details, but we can probably ask him if he comes on the pod he said come on, I want to hear and I'm stoked because you know we've been looking for male.
Speaker 2:We always get females, but we want males too I have another man on the horizon to come on perfect.
Speaker 1:So yeah, he said he got catfished. I don't get catfished anymore because I'm just smarter like.
Speaker 2:What's the level of catfish like? Because, like real catfish, I feel like is like it drags out for like a very long period of time because, like I have a friend, not who they represented themselves as like, to what extreme well, I think it can be both, uh, physical and mental.
Speaker 1:They could say they had, you know, a bomber career, or they had all their shit together and blah blah and they show up in their hot mess, which like a ton of baggage, or they could have pictures where they looked, where they weren't themselves and there was somebody else, or they could have pictures that were like I mean, I've had this. You know, there's a fine line between kitten fish and catfish, right? Um, this is where a girl shows up and she's 50 pounds heavier than her pictures, so her pictures are older, or she looks her and that's maybe her hair is a different color, or she's bald, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Like she's bald that would suck it's okay if she has cancer, but it's again like people.
Speaker 2:Oh my god you just want, so left on me. What the fuck?
Speaker 1:well, duh, it's okay but that's kid fishing too. If you don't like, you're like you're not representing yourself.
Speaker 2:You're not representing yourself yeah, I mean I it's.
Speaker 1:I agree with you and or they show up in a wheelchair or something like.
Speaker 2:Oh right like an extreme. Okay, so like I um.
Speaker 1:Are they missing a leg or a limb? I or they're a man?
Speaker 2:I don't know, I just said okay I don't think we should do this, but I was just on the phone with my friend the other night and I was like I cannot anymore because I, because I start, and I was like I'm going to send you screenshots. And I was just like here's picture one, here's picture two, and then like wait for it, let's send the next one. She's like is that the same person? And I'm like right, like it's mind boggling.
Speaker 1:Oh it is. You can see the progression. People don't even realize, like, how you gotta like, is there no self-awareness or people? Just I think people don't understand. So I was, uh, I don't think that people are good at realizing that they're getting old, that they look different than they used to, right, and you just don't like I don't know if you take pictures from the last 10 years, we look different. Right, I looked different. I was watching that.
Speaker 1:National Geographic episode that I was on back in 2012, when I was famous. What was that show called Lords of War, and I was watching it with my mom and I was like I look so young in that episode. And I'm just like how am I that young? I mean, I have awareness around it just because I look at. I think it's because I'm on the app, so I'm always looking at pictures.
Speaker 1:I'm always updating, but even some of my pictures on the apps are like two years old now and I have to think about that, like whether I look. I think I look the same because my beard being as long as it is and shaving my head bald, like shaving it really bald, like every day, that's a three. That's the last three years, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I don't think that's bad. I think it's also like I don't know. That's why I appreciated having you look at mine. It's muscle, like. I'm often like, okay, do I actually look like this? Cause I don't actually know. Sometimes, you know, you look in like different, not to be funny, but like you look in one mirror and you're like, okay, and then you look in a different mirror and it's like maybe it has like more of a slimming effect and you're like, is that what I look like? Or is it over here? And then you take pictures and I'm like, oh, that's a bad angle, or is that really what I look like all the time, right?
Speaker 1:so but getting catfish is cat. It's like somebody else shows up.
Speaker 2:That's I just want my photos to be realistic so that, no, there's no surprises for anybody yeah, it's awkward like I don't want to overpromise.
Speaker 1:But if you're also not like and that wasn't the point of this episode but like if you're also showing up on, if you're also not filtering, like you're not, you shouldn't be if you're an amateur on the apps and you don't know how to filter these things and like catch, like there's certain things that you just don't, you got to have some self-control. Like and I know people hate when I say this, but I do not will not ever go out with a girl that doesn't have a full body shot at least several of them well, same or doesn't have one with their sunglasses off, or for guys probably, like with their hats off or like whatever, like, because.
Speaker 1:But just don't want to take that risk and I want to be in the awkward position, like position, where like a 300 pound woman shows up and I'm like no, I'm not dating you yeah call me an asshole, all you want, but I'm just like I guess just be honest about yeah, no, I'm okay.
Speaker 2:I understand that. I mean, I think, uh, yeah, well, we've talked about this no, I'm an asshole again. No you're not an asshole I've had the same thing happen, so it's not just with like from a male's perspective.
Speaker 1:Their age too, that happens dude.
Speaker 2:Uh, that that has to be what's happening, because I swear to god, guy, men go from like looking like they're in their mid-40s and then, as soon as you expand it to like early 50s, it's like there's such a big swing. They have to be lying about their ages.
Speaker 1:Women do it too.
Speaker 2:And I'm like what the what is happening Anyways?
Speaker 1:What's going on with you?
Speaker 2:So, yeah, let's get off that. I mean, dating is a part of our lives, so we should be able to talk about it, even if it's not the Love Laugh Lounge.
Speaker 1:I haven't been dating much, not really part of my life right now I talk about it a lot because I feel like I want to date, but I'm yeah every time push comes to shove, I'm like so I've been home for the past week or so, which has been lovely.
Speaker 2:That's exciting, I.
Speaker 1:I let's see it's getting very Halloween-y in here.
Speaker 2:It, it, halloween-y.
Speaker 1:Halloween-y Sausage Queen. Halloween-y for the Sausage Queen. Halloween-y Sausage Queen-y.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, yeah, I'm getting ready. So I uh, let's see, I went to the Avalanche home opener. It's back to hockey season.
Speaker 1:I'm so excited Did they?
Speaker 2:win? No, they fucking didn't win.
Speaker 2:Let's not talk about it, but it was fun to see the hockey fam and reconnect with all those people. I think most of them are coming to the Halloween party. I've been getting ready for the Halloween party what else did I do? Went to I have this like 80 something year old woman who I like to go have dinner with once a month ish and I've been neglecting her, so ended up having a nice date with her dinner date and went and stocked up on my green chilies for the year. So there's some lovely chicken and green chili soup in the crock pot right now.
Speaker 1:I can smell it.
Speaker 2:What else? Just work, shit. Work's really busy right now, and what else I don't know. Just living the dream. Really it's busy, just spending time with all the people and having all the fun. You look good well, thanks so do you no, I keep fucking it up because I keep eating out and I think I keep getting exposed to gluten, gluten and the more. Okay. Well, let's get into fucking midlife gripes, because the older I get and the more I avoid gluten.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, we don't have a topic for today, so we're just gonna do midlife gripes, which might become a regular episode. So we're just gonna bitch about midlife. Shit sounds like you're going down the. I keep working on losing weight but, but I can't lose weight. Great yeah, so I'm, I'm doing it to myself I ate a donut and it took me three years to burn it off.
Speaker 2:Oh geez, well, I can't eat a donut, but like this is like as simple as most. So a lot of places, if you don't know, this chicken is often like, not gluten-free what, even grilled chicken or like.
Speaker 1:I'll say like, quote unquote how would they inject bread into it?
Speaker 2:no, they fucking put flour on the outside of it, and that is something you can do. It does like and it does have an effect on like cooking the chicken that it's like a chicken marsala. It's has like a little bit of flour on it and I used to watch my mom cooking. I was like, oh, okay, and then when I started making chicken parm, I would actually use a little bit of flour on it. And I used to watch my mom cooking. I was like, oh, okay, and then when I started making chicken parm, I would actually use a little bit of flour on there to kind of dry up the chicken. It just like makes everything like stick to it better.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I'm not like a chef, I just fuck around in the kitchen, so. So I was at a restaurant like a week or so ago and I said I like I need gluten-free, like I really just want a salad with some grilled chicken. Is the chicken gluten-free? And they're like no, and I'm like, for fuck's sake, can you make it gluten-free? Like can you just not put the flour on it? They ended up doing that. But then yesterday I ordered chicken tacos and it was grilled chicken. It was not fucking. I could tell there was flour on that shit.
Speaker 1:So that's interesting it, because it crisps up a little bit.
Speaker 2:So if you throw it in a pan of like with a little bit of oil to like say, I'm saying quote unquote, grill it. It almost has like a frying effect to it. So think about when you have like a fried chicken. It has like the breading on the outside. Well, it's the same thing, but it's just a little bit of flour, so it kind of gives it like a crispiness.
Speaker 1:Is it Italian? Is this like something they would do in Italy, though?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do feel like it's a common so.
Speaker 1:So it's actually appropriate to cook it that way.
Speaker 2:It is appropriate to cook it that way. It is appropriate to cook it that way, but you have to. If you think you have a gluten issue and you think ordering grilled chicken is going to get you a healthy option, you got to ask. Like I don't know, I'm just, I try to not be difficult and then I get glutened and the effect for me is pretty significant. So it's kind of annoying.
Speaker 1:You get glutened.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right, so that's a tough one I can't.
Speaker 1:I tried the gluten-free thing for a while. Over the years I've tried it Boy.
Speaker 2:I lose a lot of weight when I don't eat gluten. But I can't do it. Yeah, I, that's my story. I can't have it now, I like it, so I yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, I think it's like dairy for me like I can't once, you don't, so I had okay. Well, I'll stay on the topic, I guess of gluten.
Speaker 1:But like I can't really drink beer anymore, I mean I drank beer like it was going out of style from like 13 years old to right up until my 40s, and I'll still have a beer here and there, but like one IPAs, two IPAs, it's like drinking a bottle of whiskey my body just doesn't process it right. And then I wake up, I get hangovers and droggy just from like two beers, you know, and I get drunk it's weird.
Speaker 1:But then regular beer like pbr, or like soft beers, or mexican beer mexican beers are probably the best for my body, but all of them, just like my body just can't process it so you don't yeah sorry, I was just gonna tell you something but I also, like my dad was the same way and rest in peace.
Speaker 1:But like I think I look back at all those years of farting and having fucking bloating and all these hangovers and stuff, but I think my body was never able to process beer. It just like, oh, I was just like whatever is this part of drinking?
Speaker 1:and now I drink like high noons or like a mixed drink or something every once in a while where I don't fart that often and it's weird how, like I, high noons in general, like even the seltzer waters, give me like heartburn. So you have to like hone in on your drink.
Speaker 2:I guess in your 40s.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, those are all, I think, common side effects that we just can deal with a little better from, you know, when we're younger. But like I found like I get really puffy if I have too much gluten, and it's even worse if it's like a combo of gluten and yeast, so like there's probably some more reasoning behind that yeast. So like there's probably some more reasoning behind that. But so, for example, like bread or beer is like it'll fuck me up at this point because I haven't had gluten in so long.
Speaker 2:Fuck so like so the other thing I was gonna tell you was that me?
Speaker 1:It was a body noise.
Speaker 2:Acid reflux. That's what you got going on.
Speaker 1:We're going to move on to dairy soon.
Speaker 2:And midlife gripes.
Speaker 1:I don't get to eat ice cream.
Speaker 2:On cue Midlife gripes.
Speaker 1:Well, my buddy was in town and we were like he wanted to get an ice cream cone in Estes Park and he's like, do you want some? And I'm like I fucking absolutely want this huge ice cream waffle cone with chocolate dipped whatever in the ice cream. And I'm like, no good, is there gonna come of that from me? And then I also had. I had a stomach bug that I'd gotten when I was back in wisconsin, so I'm just like suffering right.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God.
Speaker 1:But even in general, like I love ice cream and I'll get it every once in a while, but like I can only have like a spoonful, you know, and the self-control it takes to have like a spoonful of Ben and Jerry's, it doesn't usually go down that way, usually it's half the thing, and then I'm like and then three hours later, I'm in deep sleep at 2.30 in the morning, 2.30 am. My stomach just drops and I'm like the rest of the night I'm pooping.
Speaker 2:I mean, if you need a laxative For some state of wanting to poop, you need a laxative. There you go.
Speaker 1:And so that little bit of ice cream just fucked my stomach up and fucked my sleep up.
Speaker 1:So I think cream just fuck my stomach up and fuck my sleep up. So you know, we I think these things have probably always been happening to our bodies. It's just that when you get older you're like this isn't worth it. It's the same thing of drinking like going out until 2 am and fucking partying like fucking 1999. Is it worth it? Like I really want to. I really want to party one of these nights. I think for your halloween party I might tie one on.
Speaker 2:I always say that.
Speaker 1:But then 10.30 comes around. I'm like I'm going to slow down a little bit because I don't really want to have that hangover in the morning.
Speaker 2:So does this mean you're not going to have one of my pudding shots? Dairy doesn't work for you. Huh, there's dairy in that, so just beware, oh, probably maybe. Be wary. Okay, so two things.
Speaker 1:Well, my decision-making after I started drinking starts to go down the hill, but I haven't gotten drunk in a long time.
Speaker 2:Probably since we had too much wine going to that comedy show.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, Jared, yeah, that comedy show got me over the next day. I swore to God I was never going to drink wine again.
Speaker 2:Here I am drinking wine again.
Speaker 1:Do we need a third bottle? Of course we do. Why wouldn't we? We're like screaming at them.
Speaker 2:I got in trouble. They were going to kick me out. Damn it. He doesn't like hecklers. I was just trying to show him some love.
Speaker 1:He's a New Yorker. He's a fucking asshole. That's fine. Okay, show them some love. It's a New Yorker, he's a fucking asshole.
Speaker 2:That's fine, oh Okay. So going back though the Mexican beers, I've heard that Corona and those are supposed to be the most gluten-friendly beers, so that's what my go-to was.
Speaker 1:You know what the most gluten-friendly one is?
Speaker 2:The gluten-free one, guinness. Oh yeah, that makes sense, yep.
Speaker 1:But the Mexican beers are good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so when I used to give up something for Lent one year I gave up beer, and then I could never go back. So the only one I would like suffer through was Corona, and that was the one that was like didn't affect me the most, so anyways. And then another year, didn't learn my lesson, gave up bread, and then I could really never go back to that. So clearly gluten is an issue for me. Anyways, and there was something else I was going to tell you. Oh, have you, do you watch? Have you seen? Like any of the Jim Jefferies comedy skits?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Or whatever, like comedy shows or specials dude, I'm sending you this one it's called. He's freaking hysterical. He's this australian comedian. He is my hero. Um, I actually have tickets. They rescheduled this show I have tickets. So you're gonna go with me in uh january. I have four tickets, so the bano guy you can take a date. I'll take a date. I'll buy no.
Speaker 1:Are you gonna make me find a date?
Speaker 2:You don't have to find a date, you just bring the four tickets. So he has a whole bit it's called intolerant. It's like the whole series is fucking hysterical about, like his intolerance for dairy and it's it. I'm like dying laughing and any of our listeners. If you have not watched his stuff, it's on Netflix or you can like. Actually, if you have like Apple Music or whatever, they have them as like an album that you can listen to.
Speaker 1:Jim Jeffries, I'll try it out. Yeah, jim Jeffries, I'm sure I know who he is.
Speaker 2:So he's from Australia. He uses the see you next Tuesday word very often, which is a common word in their vocabulary, but it's hysterical. He, I love him. He's so funny. He actually has a podcast too, but it's not like really a comedy podcast.
Speaker 1:This is the freedom that everybody says to me when I tell him I have a podcast is everybody has a podcast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Whatever no?
Speaker 1:Michael, fuck yourself.
Speaker 2:I have a podcast. Is everybody has a podcast? Yeah, whatever, no, I'm like oh, fuck yourself, I'm on episode.
Speaker 1:We're on episode 37. Yeah, whatever, ours is good, ours is good. I mean, I like it, I do, I okay. So what else would we do every week when we hung out with each other? We just, I'm sure we would just talk about stuff, but like, we'd still be talking about.
Speaker 2:I know, but we would be. We'd still be talking about the same shit, just without a microphone and headphones on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what else. Okay, so midlife gripes Do you want me to change it or do you want me to keep asking questions? Oh my, gosh.
Speaker 2:No, that's fine. Actually, one of the other things that happened in the past week sorry, I'm stealing the stage is I had to get a fucking MRI on my knee.
Speaker 1:Remember when MRIs were rare, you couldn't.
Speaker 2:Only to yeah Well, it's my bad knee and it's been giving me issues for six months and I'm pretty sure.
Speaker 1:And the doctor told you to suck it up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, pretty much it was like yeah, no, you're good fucker. I also have a very low pain tolerance.
Speaker 1:What did they tell you? You had your golfer's knee.
Speaker 2:No, it's a runner's knee. And she's like are you doing physical therapy? I'm like you didn't fucking prescribe physical therapy. Isn't that supposed to be prescribed?
Speaker 1:No, you take the American approach. Give me some medicine. No, I don't want that shit. Give me opioids.
Speaker 2:I don't want that shit, but I've been doing acupuncture, cupping, dry needling, massage therapy, chiropractor, all the shit to undo this. And anyways, I thought it stemmed from my knee because I had I felt like slipped on ice this winter and landed on this knee and so I assumed that's what my body aches were coming from. And it's fucking not. I mean, I'm glad I don't have to have surgery, but I'm annoyed because it just means it's going to take fucking forever.
Speaker 1:Things don't heal once we turn 40. Let's be honest, my rotator cuff and my right shoulder will never be. I was playing with Aaron's little boy the other day. Because those kids just climb all over me and I'm like I did something, I little boy the other day, because those kids just climb all over me and I'm like I did something. I'm like god damn it, fuck my shoulder up again. I think the key is my dog's in the club now too.
Speaker 2:Her damn back shoulder has been hurt for like months now I'm gonna get her like uh glucosamine treats yeah and uh, you should do turmeric too, for yeah, lowering her information she's also not very mobile, but I gotta start walking around the park more I'll take her too it's hard to walk what I'll send you home with some treats for her, because she likes the treats I have. Yeah, your fucking crack trees.
Speaker 1:You can never give those to her again.
Speaker 2:About the podcast she was so excited.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the whole podcast about mesa mesa's like in there the whole time. I listened to it. It's dropping tomorrow I value treats.
Speaker 2:I don't probably know that. I just need to find that for men now so I was.
Speaker 1:I had the halloween party and one of my friends who's about to turn 40 she's having her 40th birthday actually the night of your halloween party, so I'm not going to her party.
Speaker 2:Well, thanks.
Speaker 1:She's not super close friend, but she's a friend. So she started. Her and her fiance are getting married and she was talking to me about how her sister can't handle that. They're like planning to continue living in separate places, like they just live in separate places and blah, blah, blah, like they have no plans to move in with each other, blah, blah, blah. And now she's like would you talk about this on your podcast? And I'm like, seriously, I just we just recorded this episode why doesn't she come on like she will come on?
Speaker 1:yeah, maybe they'll come on, but, like you realize that we have tons of people that want to come on, we're gonna have to like this is gonna take like a year to get through people. But uh, yeah, I was like well, you should listen to this episode it's dropping on tuesday. Blah, blah, like I'm in the same boat. I don't know that. I really want to move in with a girl again and and I posted that picture on our socials the other day of like the house with like the skywalk from the second floor.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, do you want to know what's funny is my sister's duplexes for couples actually, my sister's friend grew up in a house that looked just like that, down the street from us and I. It totally took me back to the, my, the house, the jesus christ, the.
Speaker 1:I mean it's a very italian it's a very italian, northern thing to Like where you like, because Italians all like Too much, they all like to live Too much Like. I'm stereotyping because of my ex-wife and her sister. They lived in a fucking triplex, but grandma lived downstairs, sister lives middle and then she raised a whole family on the third floor, you know, in a triplex in Brooklyn. Oh, yeah, we could talk about this. Yeah, but I bet you I'm sure that house was an italian family. Yeah, probably in I'm gonna guess jersey or philadelphia, where they were.
Speaker 1:Just like you know what, it's super hard to get over grandmas at the in the fucking winter, so let's put the skyway between the two houses I, I love it, though.
Speaker 2:I mean it's nice to have, if you're going to have like a, you know, cohabitate with people, especially in, like you know, other family members like that, I think that's the way to go. My, my uncle in Italy, he, he Damn. They have this like huge house. They actually have like separate living quarters on the property for, like they used to have a maid that lived on the ground.
Speaker 1:A French maid.
Speaker 2:No, not French, what, I don't know what nationality she was, but she had like a separate place out back. And then, yeah, the amount of it was like five stories. This is ginormous. And so, like same thing. It was like the uh, my cousin ends up living there, raising her son there. They all live together and actually they have like a really cool like hidden cellar too. It's like you move the bookcase and then you like go down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's pretty cool, so yeah, but anyways, uh beep, yeah, my mind is, my wheels are turning. Give me a gripe.
Speaker 1:I think I am being stuck between boomers and fucking gen z tell me more they know both generations annoy the fuck out of me okay.
Speaker 2:Do you think that's unique to us or?
Speaker 1:I don't know. No, I thought it would.
Speaker 2:Just, I thought that conversation would take off, that was I'm like tell me more and uh, nope, okay, well, um, the boomers annoy me more than anybody because they just like.
Speaker 1:But I can see how you become. I can see. I think it's really more. I think it's a whole podcast worth of this progression from going from like being the free-spirited want to save the world blah, blah, blah or like whatever that you are when you're young or not, giving a fuck to being middle-aged, being in middle age, where you're like you give less fucks and then you get old and angry, right?
Speaker 1:So the boomers are the old and angry, blah, blah, blah, out of touch. They all are retired and spend way too much time watching MSNBC or Fox News. They're just all fucking fucked up. We don't have the time, right. We're in the height of our careers. We're doing stuff that we don't like.
Speaker 1:Most of us, at least the people I hang around with, don't spend a fucking bunch of time watching the news or getting brainwashed by whatever. But the young people are getting brainwashed by social media, right? So they're just like free palestine and blah, blah and all this stuff and I'm like what the fuck are you talking about? And then we're stuck in the middle and they both just like it's just coming from both sides, I guess for me, and I'm just like annoyed by both of them. Not enough where I like don't love both the generations, I'm just like y'all, like I guess, like I would really be annoyed by my younger self I think is what I'm saying and I'm probably gonna be annoyed by my older self if I was able to meet him now. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:yeah, I, yes, and but, I am getting older and more of a curmudgeon as I get older do you think that?
Speaker 2:do you think that we're just like in between the two, like we're annoyed because they're like one seems like one extreme and the other seems like another? Are we in between or like what, what I don't know like?
Speaker 1:this. This might be my grapepe.
Speaker 2:There's always going to be differences in generations because there's just common trends. That can happen right. But yeah, I don't know, I mean some of it might just be age, not necessarily generational.
Speaker 1:I mean I've transitioned from being uber liberal to borderline Republican at this point, which is and I think it's just a matter of oh boy, here we go.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I cannot drop the politics thing.
Speaker 1:I'm not voting Republican, but that's for obvious reasons. But I think just things change. You just learn more stuff, you get more. I don't know, I probably have to cut that out. I didn't really want to make it about politics why you want to have a episode about politics.
Speaker 1:You don't have to I want to have an episode about. I want to have an episode about progressive, about progressing. Like I've just changed and I think I've changed for a lot of reasons. I think I've just realized that like I want to have an episode about how you change as a human being, like, so this is the whole progression, right?
Speaker 1:like it went from uber liberal to. I'm getting more and more conservative as I get older, and it's for no other reason except for that. I'm starting to see the world from a more complex got more data points yeah really what's going on? It doesn't, and I don't. I isolate myself from the fucking news so, and I read yeah, you know you can't tell me.
Speaker 1:I'm not educated. I read books all the time, so, like I can, I'll take anybody's challenge. But I just think we get more data points as we get older. But midlife is just this interesting space, space where we're caught between the two major generations and it's not really a gripe, it's just like this.
Speaker 1:We're in this unique space where we can kind of understand both generations and we're never going to be there again, right, never going to be there again, right? So as we get, as we become the age of our folks in 20 years, we're not going to understand the gen alpha, whatever they are, right, that's coming up, our friends, kids, we're just not going to get it. And that brings me to the point where, like, our whole country is run by people that are in their 70s and 80s, and that just fucking makes me upset because I'm like who are they to run the show? Right? But like we're gonna eventually I know I am, I'm gonna get to this place when I'm in my 60s and 70s and I'm just gonna have no business fucking trying to figure out what the fuck young people are doing, but I'll be close enough to the middle-aged people to understand them yeah but there's gonna be like robots and shit when we're 60.
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh I don't think I'm ready for that. It's gonna be awesome yeah I don't, I'm not disagreeing, I just I'm saying you're gonna get a robot instead of going to a senior care facility.
Speaker 2:Yep, sign me up for that. I'll have that on my compound where we're all going to live.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm still going to want to go to the senior care, the independent living.
Speaker 2:No, we're going to have a compound. It's going to be like lots of people that I know. I've been talking about this since I was in college.
Speaker 1:We're a compound, I mean we're just gonna have our own senior living facility. Sweet, my buddy developed senior living facility great.
Speaker 2:Haven't developed it. That's great. I'm looking for land. I I want to pick a spot in the next five to ten years on the moon no negative, I don't think so mars men are from there can we talk about elon musk and his midlife crisis.
Speaker 1:Go for it. He's yeah. I mean it's a little later for him because he's maybe in his 50s, but man, that dude's losing his shit how does that make you feel?
Speaker 1:it's disappointing because I used to think I still I will never take away, I will never take away what he's accomplished and what he is accomplishing, I mean he's literally going to get us to mars. He created, he accelerated and catalyzed solar development. He, he catalyzed the electric car industry, did all these good things, but then he like lost his shit and and I've lost a lot of money in his stock, which doesn't make me happy, but like yeah, he's don't you think we all have like a a point where you just fuck it?
Speaker 1:yeah, but when billionaires soon to be trillionaires lose, go through their midlife psych crises, it's, it's interesting to watch yeah like there's not a day that goes by now that I don't see like an 80 year old man with a 23 year old woman, rupert murdoch well, his wife is his new girlfriend's like 50s, but like al pacino, robert de niro, both just had kids with like I don't know where I'm going right now is this, that's okay.
Speaker 2:Um no, but this is yeah, I think le.
Speaker 1:Leonardo DiCaprio gets too much flack for just deciding not to be, just to be single. He just wants to be single the rest of his life.
Speaker 2:I mean whatever, yeah, I think yeah, that's fine too. Somebody burned him, bad man. Somebody burned him.
Speaker 1:If you really asked him, if he was vulnerable to you, I bet you somebody burned him.
Speaker 2:We should get him on the show.
Speaker 1:You could find out. Yeah, that would make sense to what?
Speaker 2:other, what, what else has been going on any other? Oh, you were talking about some. I'm hanging out with you.
Speaker 1:Too much road rage oh, you're gonna put me on the spot no, yeah, no I all of a sudden can't drive. Uh, I can't drive, I'm gonna kill myself I'm gonna kill somebody else I'm gonna kill myself. I just I have zero tolerance for colorado drivers anymore, and I'm not saying I'm a good driver because I don't think I am not based on what you told me earlier there's fucking six lanes and everybody's going one lanes, like so the fucking right lane, nobody will let it be merged.
Speaker 1:so that's as a shit show. So you like, you have to like basically hit a car to get into the fucking thing and then people flick you off and then you finally get into the second to right lane and like that lane's going 45. And then you get into the third to right lane and that lane's going maybe 47 but maybe 43. And then you finally get over to the other left lane and you're finally cruising at like 75 and somebody just decides they want to be in that lane and go 43 and I get, and this just happens all the way across the interstate and I just get so mad. I'm just like what the fuck is going on? When I'm in europe or any other country like there only needs to be two lanes, there could be a million fucking cars because you get in and then you get to the left and you drive fucking fast and if somebody's behind you you go over to the right so they can get behind. You're just paying attention.
Speaker 1:What is wrong with Colorado drivers that they're so awful at driving? I just don't like, and they're such fucking assholes about it. They're just like why are you fucking tailing me? Because you're in the left, the fifth left lane, not the left lane, the farthest left lane, the fifth left lane, and you're going 45 at a 65. Like you didn't fucking read the fucking driving book when you were 16. People, what is wrong with you? I literally want to shoot them in the face. I don't. When I'm driving, I literally I it's the only time where I want people to die no, I mean all of them, even the old ladies I'm like you don't have any driving.
Speaker 2:Get the fuck out of here. Get the the fuck out.
Speaker 1:Take a goddamn Uber, or ask your fucking son to drive you because you have no business on the interstate. You're going to get shot by an asshole like me. I literally jump out of the window into your car and fucking swerve you off into a ditch. Oh my God, you old bitch.
Speaker 2:I don't think I've ever seen you this much. Oh, it's the only thing that makes me mad.
Speaker 1:I can't because.
Speaker 2:I am going to die because I'm just so mad. It's also because you don't have a horn.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't have a horn. Thank God I don't have a horn. I'm going to get a gun instead, because it's probably cheaper to get a gun.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, no, we're not going to do that.
Speaker 1:They quoted me $1,800 to fix my horn and I can get a gun for $500.
Speaker 2:This is not a good situation.
Speaker 1:Maybe it'll just be one of those ones where the little flag that comes out that says bang no, I don't think so.
Speaker 2:I don't think that's a good idea. I'm just kidding. I don't think that's a good idea. Oh my God.
Speaker 1:But if I saw on the news that somebody lost their shit and started shooting people in the left lane, I'm not quite sure I'd be that empathetic about it.
Speaker 2:No, I mean okay, so you've learned your lesson.
Speaker 1:You know you can't be that stupid. You can't be that stupid All day long. When you're driving in Colorado, there's like nobody on the interstate and there's one asshole driving 20 miles an hour slower in the left, like literally in the left lane, and they're like why is he riding my ass? And then you have to, then you have to go right around him. It just I don't know, it doesn't happen. Colorado is. It happens the most in colorado and I don't know who it is, but I don't know where these people come from, but like it's annoying they come from everywhere.
Speaker 2:That's the problem Nobody knows where they're going and what you. I liked your description of our roads, except you missed the one thing that also gets me especially right here, where I have to get on the highway.
Speaker 1:I think I need Xanax.
Speaker 2:I probably have some. Would you like some?
Speaker 1:Do you need a?
Speaker 2:downer Is you go from like the people that don't let you in, right, you have to like wiggle your way in. And then the people that are going like in the 40s. And how about when the speed limit's like 75? So the next lane you get over, they're going like 90 or they're going to fucking run you over, Right. So it's like how do you literally have to go zero to a hundred in like 2.5. And that's the other thing and I got in the lane. So here, if you don't live here, we have these like toll lanes in like most of the highways, so you can pay extra to be in like the fast lane.
Speaker 1:basically and people pay extra to go 45 in that fucking lane too dude, it happened to me.
Speaker 2:I took, uh, my neighbor to the airport last week and there was a bunch of traffic and I had to be somewhere. So I was like, fuck it, I'm gonna just take the toll lane. And I think it was when I was driving her. I don't know, maybe it was when I was going to the airport myself but somebody was going under the fucking speed limit and I'm like, why are you in this lane, why are you in this? Why did you pay to be in this lane? Get out right now. Bumper cars. I wanted to just shoot them over, like if all of our them over, there would be no reason. If all of our cars drove themselves, there would be no reason that we would need more than two lanes.
Speaker 1:It's incredible to me. We keep adding lanes to the interstate. We don't add lanes because of how many cars are on the interstate. We add lanes because there's the hope that if you add a 15th lane, that somehow somebody won't make it all the way over left to drive 45. There's the hope that if you add a 15th lane. That somehow somebody won't make it all the way over left to drive 45.
Speaker 2:Get the fuck out of your way. There's no reason for it. Get out of the way.
Speaker 1:And then the whole zipper thing Let people in, for Christ's sakes. There's always one asshole that's like I'm not letting anybody in and then it ripples all the way back. You've got a zipper merge. Sometimes I get on the interstate and I'm totally zen and I'm just like whatever, just like I'm just gonna go 45 because I'm just gonna stay in this second to left lane and I'm gonna go 45 in my and it's gonna take an extra half hour to get to wherever I like it.
Speaker 2:Where are we at on time? Should I read our next, the not midlife gripe? This one's a how you know you're. You know you're over the hill when you know you're over the hill when should I read this one?
Speaker 1:yeah, if you can read it elegantly oh god, I don't know, I didn't. I listened to it the other day you have to read it in your friend's voice oh, for fuck's sake, I'll try, or our listeners voice yeah, I think there's three. It's my friend. She said that we could uh.
Speaker 2:Do you want to read it?
Speaker 1:No, no, it's too long. I don't know how to read.
Speaker 2:You don't know, I'm terrible at reading. I'm a little dyslexic.
Speaker 1:So you guys are going to have to bear with me. You want me to.
Speaker 2:I will, but if you really this is. You can tell. You can say who it is too. Her name's Stephanie.
Speaker 1:It's a girl too, so I was doing a girl's voice.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know you're over the hill when. So I went to my brow lady the other day to get my eyebrows threaded, you know, like every two weeks now, because the hair grows 10 times faster now than it ever did. Anyway, she asked me if I wanted my nostrils done. Are you kidding me? Wait what? Why is that so hairy? So let's back up here a second. Once I turn 40, the hair, the hair does grow more. Face only. Fact now 50, forget about. It grows even more.
Speaker 1:Anyhow, if there was even a longer nose hair, I would just tweeze it. Then about two years ago I started using those little nose hair twimmers. You know what I'm talking about. They work good, but I swear the hair was getting thicker. I sound like a fucking werewolf.
Speaker 1:So since she mentioned waxing the nose, I figured sure, why not? Oh, my god. First off, it's not normal wax. Picture of thick gray clay Fipped and then wrapped around a long popsicle stick. They stick it up your nostril Like you're getting a COVID test. Yeah, it's up there. Then it sits for about 5-7 minutes dry.
Speaker 1:Here comes the best part she comes over, holds my forehead down with one hand, then uses the other hand to twist and pull the stick out not done. Yet now she goes in with the tweezers to get the few pieces of wax that's left, that's stuck on the remaining hairs. Meanwhile tears are coming out of my eyes because it's so sensitive, and she says time for the other side. Well, I'm already committed. So here, get it over with. Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, I was wrong. She. When she twisted and pulled the stick, it broke off inside my fucking nose. For the love of god, batman, seriously. She said in all her hears that's never happened, that I must have had bad luck, awesome. So now she's got to go in there and tweeze every hair out that's stuck inside with the wax Absolutely awful. Then she said next time will be much better. Next time, yeah, there will be no. Next time I'll stick with the trimmers. Oh, what do we do? Ps. It does feel super fresh in there laughing out loud.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Steffi.
Speaker 1:Oh, I didn't do it in a girl voice.
Speaker 2:Oh no, it's okay. You didn't have to Thank you, steffi. Yeah, that was a good one. I was dying. When she was telling me this, I was like, please, that's why I needed you to read it, because I felt like I already heard the story.
Speaker 1:No, we appreciate that. Thank you for sending that in.
Speaker 2:I was like, please put this in writing. I really wish I would have been able to record her saying it so we could have played it, because that would have been even more priceless.
Speaker 1:We should. We should go interview people that are getting their nose waxed at the fucking funeral.
Speaker 2:Holy shit, yeah, have you ever had waxing done?
Speaker 1:No. I thought, about bleaching my asshole and getting it waxed.
Speaker 2:Why.
Speaker 1:My asshole is super hairy.
Speaker 2:But who's up in there?
Speaker 1:Well, I mean. Never mind this episode's not about any kinks of mine.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm not. This episode's not about any kinks of mine.
Speaker 1:Okay, there's a girl that wanted to eat me out one time, geez oh man, yep okay but no, I mean in general hairy asses. I mean it's only a problem when people still don't have bidets at their house. Can we talk about that on the next episode, why you're still wiping your ass with toilet paper?
Speaker 2:I mean sure.
Speaker 1:Awkward silence. Seriously, people get bidets, If not for yourself, for your guests.
Speaker 2:I feel like I wouldn't want to use that at somebody else's home.
Speaker 1:Oh you would if you had to take a shit.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Once you go bid bidet you don't go back, just get a spray bidet like I have okay like 30 bucks okay or even fancy, get a japanese bidet you have like what does this have to do with getting your?
Speaker 2:butt waxed or bleached is that what you're gonna.
Speaker 1:Were you gonna get your? Because when you have hair all over your asshole, like, and you poop and you have to wipe it with toilet paper it's not as clean.
Speaker 2:Oh, I got you. There's a lot of hair back there, huh.
Speaker 1:Oh, I mean, I have you ever seen a man's nipples?
Speaker 2:A hairy man's.
Speaker 1:It's not any different on their asshole.
Speaker 2:All right, I mean, okay, I believe you, I mean.
Speaker 1:I would wax my balls, but that just sounds like the whole little thing you got going on there with your friend Oof, I had my bikini wax. It should be like I'll never do that again.
Speaker 2:I had my bikini wax once. Fuck, no. But what's even worse is getting laser done down there. And well, once you're committed to that, you got to keep going till it all goes away. Maybe they'll do a vexectomy at the same time.
Speaker 1:Laser will kill my kids.
Speaker 2:Oh well, there you go. Maybe you could do that.
Speaker 1:That's probably an episode, too, how I've been talking about getting a vexectomy for four years and I still haven't done it.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I've heard mixed reviews about that. I've heard mixed reviews.
Speaker 1:All I will say is I can't blame myself to do it.
Speaker 2:I don't blame you. I feel like I'd have a hard time with that too.
Speaker 1:if I was a man, I might want to have kids in my mid-50s.
Speaker 2:Well, I guess you know well.
Speaker 1:You're a mid-50s product baby.
Speaker 2:I am. My papa was 55 when I was born.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I could be an Al Pacino. I have one when I there you go. I'm going to just like one last mic drop.
Speaker 2:My favorite uncle was also 55 when he became a dad and I've got both of their tattoos on my arm.
Speaker 1:So there you go. 55-year-old dads right there. That's like the new thing to do in your retirement have kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you know you're over the hill. When Do we have any other ones?
Speaker 1:That was pretty good. I feel like we should end on the nostril uh I think we should end on do you remember when?
Speaker 2:oh, do you remember when I might I think I might have written one down, so I would remember. Do you remember when you didn't have to fucking write shit down? Remember when it was?
Speaker 1:appropriate to make ashtrays in art class.
Speaker 2:Oh my god why does it always have to do with like smoking now?
Speaker 1:yeah, because that was a thing back then oh yeah, it wasn't uncommon to walk into a house and keep everybody smoking cigarettes dude, I feel like I don't really remember this on the wall but I think that, oh, why do people put carpet on the fucking?
Speaker 1:wall, oh my god, in the bathroom oh, that's the worst, that's the fucking worst know how much I pee on the floor. I'm sorry it happens. I can't imagine having carpet in my bathroom. I like pick the format. I clean my bathroom every day, you know because I'd rather do that than try to aim. You don't ever want to live with me. These girls, if the girls are listening you don't ever want to live with me. This is how I'm gonna just wait.
Speaker 2:This is why you're just gonna have a duplex. I think that's a great idea, by the way.
Speaker 1:So a duplex or like uh if, let's be honest, if I date a girl now, she's probably got her own house, so let's just keep our houses there you go.
Speaker 2:I like it. I feel like I had one, but I don't think. Maybe I don't, I don't know but we forgot to tell people to follow us I know, but they already know because they're listening, so I mean you can do it now. Better late than never. No, I got nothing okay yeah, that's it all right.
Speaker 1:Well, everybody, we love you. Please remember to follow us on instagram at uh midlife uncensored uh. Share us your stories. We want to hear from you. We appreciate the ones you have sent in. We want to know if you want to. You're like in the middle of your midlife crisis. You want to share it on air? We would really love that. Like the drama is just great for podcasts. So hit us up, love you love you bye.
