Midlife Uncensored

Bermuda Blessings, Wisconsin Weddings, and More Dating Discussions

• Joel Poppert • Season 1 • Episode 34

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 In this episode of Midlife Uncensored, Poppy and E face the classic "Can you hear me now?" tech struggle while recording remotely. They dive into recent travels, from Bermuda work trips to nostalgic family gatherings in Wisconsin, offering some hilarious and heartfelt reflections on midlife and reconnections. The duo also tackles the rollercoaster that is modern dating, discussing single parents, casual flings, and the complexities of "no attachment to outcome" in relationships. Along the way, they share funny stories, including awkward dates, impromptu "fortune-cookie" encounters, and Poppy’s upcoming guy's weekend in the mountains. Tune in for raw, unfiltered insights on the realities of dating, aging, and finding meaning in life’s everyday adventures. 

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Speaker 1:

Hey y'all, welcome to the second, the 30, fuck I don't know fourth episode of our podcast and the second episode of the rebrand Midlife Uncensored real talk from over the motherfucking hill. This is your favorite friendly Sasquatch Poppy with the epic beard game and our lovely co-host, emanuela Messineo, also known as E, calling from. Uh, we're doing this virtual, so if the sound sucks, I'm sorry. Uh, you think it would be easier, but it's not, for whatever fucking reason. Maybe it's because we're over the hill, but anyway, how are you doing E fucking reason? Maybe it's because we're over the hill, but anyway, how are you doing e? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Now I'm good, can you hear me?

Speaker 2:

I uh, can you hear me now? I know, I feel like I felt like I was like on like a webex at work or whatever, teams meeting where just every single freaking time it's. Can you hear me now? Yeah, can you hear me now? Our listeners don't know that we spent about 20 minutes trying to get this to work, so annoying.

Speaker 1:

We're almost computers thrown against walls and we still don't even know if it's working, so we're just going with it. Uh, we had a really awesome topic that we were going to talk about, but I think we'll save it till we're live so we don't fuck it up. And uh, before we get started, remember to follow us. We're on the Instagrams, at midlifeuncensored Now, yeah, we changed it, that wasn't too brutal, and please share your stories with us. We want to hear from you. How's midlife going? If you're in the middle of a crisis, we definitely want to hear from you, because that's really great content and we want to help you. We'll only laugh at you a little bit and please subscribe, share, follow us, rate five stars, do all the things. And if my accent sounds very wisconsin-y, it's because I've been here now five days and it's been retuned to the lovely. How do we think of Wisconsin accents? Yeah, I think Wisconsin accents are up there with French. The elegance of the French language, oh, wow.

Speaker 2:

You betcha, you really took that really well.

Speaker 1:

There's a lot of hooting and hollering over here, so tell me, you've had a pretty exciting. We're doing shit. Your travels looked a little bit more elegant than mine, so how have you been doing? What have you been doing? You were in.

Speaker 2:

Bermuda. I've been good. I feel like I don't even remember the last time I saw you and it's probably going to be virtual again next week, so it's been good. I have to remember myself what the heck I've been doing. So I just got back from Bermuda from a work trip and that was lovely. I was there for two nights and it's it's been interesting setup like I have to go there, for we have an insurance company in Bermuda, so when there's clients that we use that facility right there their insurance, we have to go there for the meeting. So it's I just I like that stuff, so I'm an insurance nerd, and this woman who was presenting the results of this railroad and all their insurance stuff was like a numbers person.

Speaker 1:

She's like their VP of treasury or whatever her title is I nerd out on that stuff and she's like their VP of.

Speaker 2:

Treasury or whatever her title is. I nerd out on that stuff. No, it's not. It's actually in the US. The railroad's in the US, but we use our insurance company in Bermuda to write their insurance. So Bermuda law gives you the short story is you can have an insurance company in Bermuda law gives you the short story is you can have an insurance company in Bermuda but then for their own economy they make you come there for the meetings and so that's like for compliance reasons we have to go there. But the actual railroad is not.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it'd be nice if I could take the Amtrak down to Bermuda. That'd be cool.

Speaker 2:

I mean right Across the ocean. Yeah, that sounds good.

Speaker 1:

You would go 35 miles an hour and stop in rural.

Speaker 2:

Could you?

Speaker 1:

imagine In significant places. Yeah, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:

It's such a pretty country Really. Yeah, it's a really. This was my first time there during a nice weather season. Every time I go it's like during the off season and it's it's just a bit cold, not snow cold, but just that they're in the middle of the ocean. So when it's 60 degrees and potentially raining a little bit, it's like yeah it feels cold, so it was nice.

Speaker 2:

I got a little bit of downtime and was able to enjoy a little beach time in the evening and had some friends in town last weekend right before I left and that was super fun. It's a couple actually went to their wedding right before COVID in the Virgin Islands, um, and haven't really caught up with them a lot since then. So it was like a. It was a fun little couple nights with them or a couple days with them and then I'm on my work trip.

Speaker 2:

But you have more. You may not be, you may not be traveling to exciting places, but you probably have more fun stuff going on, especially your voice yeah, well, I mean wisconsin super exciting.

Speaker 1:

Uh, yeah, no, I've been in wisconsin visiting my family. I went to my niece's wedding, which was fun. My younger niece or not niece, sorry, sorry Sophie my youngest one of my younger cousins just got married, lauren, and so I caught up with this is my mom's side of the family. I caught up with family I hadn't seen, and probably since my grandma passed away, which was back in at least 17 years ago. So some of them were a couple of them.

Speaker 1:

I didn't even recognize at first because I hadn't seen him in so long. I mean I did. I was like are you Austin? Because Austin's 6'6", 6'7", I don't know, he's pretty tall. He's always been tall. I've seen some pictures here and there, but my mom has a huge family, so did my dad, so it was like a barn wedding. It was fun. I had a great time caught up with all those folks and been hanging out with my sister and brother-in-law, and Lola and my nephew are still here, so I've been hanging out with them. And then we went down and saw my niece, sophie, at school. She just started school at UW-Madison, so we went down there yesterday with my mom and took her to lunch.

Speaker 2:

Oh, so fun.

Speaker 1:

Got to go to Madison, madtown, which I've got a lot of memories and lost memories there from my childhood Been fishing. But yeah, I got my buddy Tannins coming to town from minnesota one of my best buds so I'm coming back and then going straight to. We're gonna go to the mountains and hang out, yeah, uh, so that will be fun so they were coming.

Speaker 2:

So how like how many guys in your guys'?

Speaker 1:

weekend. Yeah, I mean, it was supposed to be boys' weekend but two guys couldn't come and then another one I haven't really heard from, so it might just be me, him and my buddy, ben, who lives up in Summit County, who has a really nice house up there. So we're just going to go up and chill in the mountains and do mountain things and, yeah, just go fly fishing and what have you and be old men, go to bed at 10. Uh, yeah, that's probably a topic worth talking about. How to? It's not like we're gonna party and do stuff like we did it yeah, what a guy's weekend looks like.

Speaker 2:

Uh, how does the guy's weekend look?

Speaker 1:

that's a really good question, actually, because what it looks like is there's still a couple. Usually it looks like there's still a couple of guys that want to like party really hard, go to the strip club, whatever. Like it all depends on your situation, right? If you've been married for 10 years.

Speaker 2:

Are those the guys that are married and they have? Are those the guys that are like, married and they have a free weekend, so they're like?

Speaker 1:

yeah, let's pretend like we're in college again. Kiddies and naked girls, sure, but I've just never been a strip club guy. I just don't feel like all that shit's on the internet for yeah, I feel like all that shit's on the internet for free.

Speaker 1:

So I mean, spare me the creepiness of the strip club and girls try to get my attention because they want my money. It's I don't know the whole thing of it, it's just never been my jam, and then staying up past midnight is it just kills me, right? So yeah, so I think this trip will be pretty mild, pretty mellow. We're just gonna fish and, uh, go to dinner and do some hiking and it's a beautiful time to be up in the mountains, right, the leaves changing and stuff.

Speaker 2:

They're probably they might have already turned, I don't know, but, um, I might have already turned, I don't know, but I may try to go up to the mountains this weekend, so I'll record back. I saw I noticed somebody posted something showing that it was snowing like a week ago. So you're right, it might be past that. I think.

Speaker 1:

It'll probably just depend on where you go being in Madison was like a nostalgic tour though it's weird just like going back to places where you spent the for your formative child. I mean that was like as soon as we got our license we started driving to madison and partying there. And, uh, because it's like 15 miles from like where I grew up and it hasn't changed a lot I it's obviously become a very affluent, nice place to live in Wisconsin. I mean, it's one of the more expensive, if not the most expensive area to live in Wisconsin, outside of a few nodes here and there. But it's very liberal, right, it's very blue, it's like the blue bubble in Denver or in Wisconsin. But State Street hasn't changed much. Like we walked down state street and there was all these bars. They're just there still and I'm like, oh my God, we used to party there, like I mean party, so that was fun.

Speaker 2:

I have never been, that's on. I would love to go there, so maybe we should do. Maybe we need to go there and have you take me around. I also want to go back to, like my, where I went to college. They've like completely redone the campus and around campus, so I feel like for me it would be going back to that and seeing all the changes would be cool.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, where'd you go to college again?

Speaker 2:

And right now I just had a kent state. Isn't kent state the place that had a?

Speaker 1:

shooting back in the 70s yeah so, since we abandoned our, since we abandoned our, uh, our topic which, by the way, the topic that we were planning to do y'all, which is coming up as soon as we can do a couple recordings live we're going to talk about can men and women be platonic friends? Since, uh, emmanuel and I are very close friends and I think that everybody can't help themselves from asking us a series of questions about whether or not we were dating, whether or not we're fucking, whatever, whatever, blah, blah that you know. So we kind of want to talk about that.

Speaker 2:

Don't tell them the answer. Yet Don't tell them the answer.

Speaker 1:

So we wanted to address that.

Speaker 2:

But it's funny because like that's yeah, that is like the most common question we get, so we need to address that so you guys can start thinking about other stuff.

Speaker 1:

We'll just point you to the podcast and be like, listen to that. And I think other people struggle with this too and I think, well, anyway, well, I don't want to use my content, splurge my content out there and not have it for the episode, it for the episode. So, since we have no idea whether this recording is going to work out or not or the audio is going to be good, um, this is our. This is our second now episode at midlife uncensored. I actually saw a pretty big uptick in our. There was a reasonable uptick in our uh. I put our cover on one of my dating profiles fuck it. So I think maybe I'm grabbing some people from uh one of the dating profiles I've given up on. Maybe I'm grabbing some people from uh one of the dating profiles I've given up on the app.

Speaker 1:

So I'm just like here's my cover I mean, that's I'm surprised they haven't taken it down yet, so that I haven't gotten in trouble.

Speaker 2:

It's my uh, I'll tell you, I even just friends of mine. I feel like there's more people engaging with the new name. I I think the old name. People had like judgments or assumptions about what the topics were and thought that it either didn't apply to them or it.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, it's just interesting, I just feel like it was deterring people a little bit and yeah, but in any in any case, like I, yeah, I'm excited to do that topic with you, the whole can men and women be friends and all that stuff, and maybe how they can?

Speaker 1:

And.

Speaker 2:

I don't know. I was also going to tell you I had some interesting. I ADD brain is like going all over the place by the way, what is it what you got?

Speaker 2:

I want to go back to my travel. I have the weirdest not weirdest but most interesting like series of encounters with people. I don't know what's going on in the universe right now. So I was sitting in the lobby at the at the hotel, waiting to check in. My room wasn't ready. So sitting in the lobby and this woman walks by and she's this um, I hope you enjoy Bermuda. I'm like no thanks. And then she just stops and keeps talking and I don't know I just it caught me off guard because it was I. I thought maybe she worked there Anyway, so she stopped. It basically gave me this long blessing of achieving all my goals this year, and that more than what I think is going to happen.

Speaker 1:

So you ran into this really strange, very nice fortune cookie or what, and it comes through. I don't know. It was just like this really strange, very nice. Did you have a fortune?

Speaker 2:

cookie or what. Yeah, pretty much I was like, oh my gosh. I was like and that is speaking my language Like I write out my goals for the year, I try to accomplish shit.

Speaker 1:

You know you gotta get shit done. Would she be like a local, or is she a traveler and so I like really I have no idea.

Speaker 2:

I actually didn't ask her because I was so caught off guard and she just kept repeating it and then saying more and I was like I thought she was going to recruit me into it. She was also wearing like all animal print outfit and then have these like heart shaped glasses and these big feathery earrings. I was like I don't know what's happening. But I felt like she put some kind of juju like blessing on me and I was like I will take it, I want all the things, all the good things. So, and then she just walked off and went into the shop next to me and I was like what just happened? I think that's a compliment to your energy.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it was just interesting. So I was actually on the phone, like I had an earbud in, and she just started talking and so I wasn't even like looking at her or anything like that. So then I thought maybe she worked there. Never saw the woman again. She went into the shop and then continued on, I don't know what. So I just thought, well, that was really like lovely. And then so fast forward.

Speaker 2:

Then that evening I went to the lobby bar and same bartender that was there last time I was in Bermuda was there and he is like legit, a looks like a younger version of my dad, he's Italian and anyhow, long story short, he was like younger version of my dad, he's Italian, anyhow, long story short. He was like okay, next time you come to Bermuda, you come in early, I'll have my wife make us dinner. I've got to charge my one headset thing, so hopefully it still doesn't fuck it up. It was charging all night but it says it's low. Anyways, he ended up Can you still hear me? Okay, he ends up sending a like nice bottle of Italian wine to my room for me to bring home. That's nice, so I have a nice bottle of wine with me.

Speaker 2:

And then yesterday in the airport, same weird thing Some guy I was talking to before getting on the plane. He's like a young. I'm going to say he's a kid, because he's in his 20s. He just started grad school and we were chatting before getting on the plane and then halfway through the plane he came up and tapped my shoulder. He's like hey, could you stick around after? I have some more questions for you. Is this guy gonna kidnap me, ask me for a ride or ask for my number?

Speaker 1:

like cougar hunting I think he was I was a cougar hunter when I was a cougar hunter when I was younger hey, I don't blame him, yeah caught me from some cougar hunter when I was a cougar hunter when I was younger. Hey, I don't blame them. Yeah, caught me from some cougars. Yeah, well, that's fun. It seems like the world is uh. The world is uh anyway so sending you gifts and opportunities. And see where it goes from here.

Speaker 2:

Young men I used to have that openness about me, like Like I, when I used to travel when I was. I spent a lot of time in Italy when I was younger. So I remember at one point I was walking around this area I'd never been I was going to. My uncle had passed away while I was there and so I was going to his funeral and I think I was walking with my sister going to his funeral, and I think I was walking with my sister. No, my sister wasn't there, I don't know. Anyways, I was walking to this and somebody pulls me and stops me and asks me for directions. I don't know why that one stuck out to me, because I'm thinking I don't even know where the hell I'm going, but people always used to do that kind of thing to me. Also, I've been like the baby magnet lady lately too. So yeah, there's a nice energy shift.

Speaker 1:

Like you walk around and babies just come out of their stroller and they're stuck to you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, pretty much I'm not kidding either.

Speaker 2:

It happened at the airport. This kid like walked eyes with me and I was like, oh, it's gonna get creepy and because she's gonna start coming over to me, she was like a little toddler and so I broke eye contact with her. So I was like I don't want to creep the parents out. Anyways, they ended up sitting in my same row and she just would not stop, like trying to come sit in my lap and I was like just take a nap. I got your daughter. It's fine. I'm not going to do any. I can't go anywhere, just, we're good, she's not screaming. And the same thing happened a couple more times in the last couple of weeks. I'll take it. I used to have. I used to have that baby energy, uh, baby magnet energy when I was younger. I love the snuggles from them.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, well, babies have always liked my beard, I guess, and kids like to use me as a jungle gym, and I'm getting a little talk about middle age. I'm getting a little too old for, uh, 40 to 50 pound children jumping all over me. But that's always been a thing. I've always been like this jungle gym for children because I'm so big but my back and stuff can't. It's not worth the risk anymore. So I try to monitor that the parents do a good job. But you know, like my buddy has a little boy, he's four or five, he might even be six, not five, and then the little girl's three and they just love climbing all over me and I appreciate it. I like being Uncle Poppy, but yeah, I watch the backs and all the things because we don't recover very well anymore. So how is the dating situation? I guess you've been traveling, so you're not really, are you, uh? So how's the dating?

Speaker 2:

situation. I guess you've been traveling, so you're not really, are you? Uh, I'm squeezing some dating in. I actually ended up going out with someone that I went out with probably last fall because it was football season stumbled on this person again on the dating app, so decided to give that another shot and that went well we'll see. We're supposed to do something again this weekend and like just chatting with people, keeping it light.

Speaker 2:

It's a little difficult with all this travel and just really trying to, I think, change my strategy a little bit, because what I gravitate to it doesn't always give me the results I want.

Speaker 2:

So I'm trying to uh, I think my best way to summarize it is I've always dated like I'm in a relationship.

Speaker 2:

I think I end up, not because I'm trying to speed up what we're doing, but because that's just who I am Like. I'm a very caring, generous, like person, and I think it I don't know. So it creates an interesting dynamic when you're in early dating and I think I end up putting myself. I end up, I think, putting myself in situationships that I think I'm doing it to myself sometimes Like, well, fuck this, I'm going to just talk to multiple people, see multiple people, see where the chips land and just take my time getting to know people and see who actually is willing to give me their time and energy, because what I'm finding is quality time together is, like, really important to me, whether it be like friendships or just any relationships, and that doesn't always line up with people's lifestyle or maybe their dating intentions. So I'm trying to take a step back and be maybe a little bit more casual with these interactions and just get to know people and see where it goes.

Speaker 1:

You think that's a great strategy. I own that strategy pretty, probably more on the unhealthy spectrum side of that spectrum where I don't give a lot of change, like a lot of to anything. But that's like the NATO right Little nudge. No, nato stands for no attachment to outcome. Right In the dating world. I think that's a good strategy. I always try to go in and be optimistic and meet hopefully meet a good person.

Speaker 1:

I went on a date, right before I left, with a girl. I again I opened it up to single mothers and not quite sure if I should have done that. I didn't know how old their kids were, but they were like two and four and there's no problem with that, except for we couldn't have been in different places when it came to dating, like was over it after the first beer, like literally like running away, like I, I went to the bathroom. I knew the date was over, but I was like I'm gonna go to the bathroom before I didn't know exactly. I gotta go.

Speaker 1:

So I went to the bathroom. I came back and she was just like oh, let's go gone. It wasn't like a hostile conversation, anything, but it was clear that she was looking for she was one of those people that was looking for all the things in the first conversation. It certainly wasn't there. I'm not the right person and she's out right and this is where no big deal on my part. But I'm like, if you're gonna date, like just again, nato, no attachment to the outcome.

Speaker 1:

Go, have a good time. I'm an interesting person. I wasn't rude having a conversation, she's just just look, you don't check my boxes, I'm out and it's super, it is what it is, but it's like my time's valuable too, right, like I drove all the way out to Golden and blah, blah, blah. So that was interesting. That hasn't happened in a while, but yeah, that.

Speaker 2:

It's hard. I think I have always struggled with that aspect to not having expectations, will struggle with that because I do have expectations and that's probably a problem. But I can appreciate the concept of not being attached to the outcome and just being more present in like just getting to know someone. But I do have an outcome that I want, so at some point it's got to keep moving forward. It doesn't need to be on the first date, it doesn't need to be in the first three days, but by date I don't know. 12 always sticks in my head. I feel like you should know enough from conversations. We've had to know whether you want to keep getting to know me or not and be able to progress something Otherwise. I get this feeling that people are just too standoffish at some point and that maybe that means they're not ready, or that they don't want a committed relationship in the long run, so or they don't want it with me. So I just think at some point it's I don't know.

Speaker 2:

I pick up on things people say in conversations that tell me a deeper characteristic.

Speaker 2:

Whether I'm looking like that, it's checking a box or not. Like I had a single dad was telling me about a decision that him and the and his ex-wife made about whether their kid could have a phone, and the kid assumed it was him that said no, really, it was the ex-wife. But he's well, I'm not gonna tell him that because we should have a united front and I'm not gonna throw her under the bus. And I was like, wow, that's uh, that's like a really impressive like characteristic in someone. So I don't know, it's just cool to see that stuff. But then I also feel like there are people that are so evasive to, they're just so avoidant to moving forward. I don't know if it's like this fear of letting people down or like a fear of not maybe not a fear, but just this oh, if we move forward, like you don't want to over promise something or you don't want to get in a situation where you have to break up, like where you have too many, too many.

Speaker 1:

I don't know. I think a situation where you have to break up, like where you have to be the bad guy, there's too many. I don't know. I think it's just a product of the online dating. Again, still, it's just too much, and I go back and forth.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, too many options.

Speaker 1:

I go. I mean, I've always been of the perspective let's meet right, let's meet and chat with each other, and I'm really just trying to vet to make sure it's a good person, we'll have a good conversation, but now I'm you got too much runway in front of you with these children and we're going to have. Our lives are just. I think it's something that single mothers and single fathers need to like have some awareness around that. If you're trying to date people that are our age, that don't have kids, like we, just fundamentally, we're just living. Our lives are different and there's a little there's going to be. We just fundamentally, we're just living our lives are different and there's a little there's going to be. There's going to be some.

Speaker 1:

You're going to have some good awareness and be respectful of each other's, the differences in each other's lives and the responsibilities, like I'm sure there's people my, there's men like me that are actually looking for a family, that want to jump into that situation, but I'm sure they have their own. They haven't fully. Either they haven't fully thought it through, or they have thought it through or they've got some experience with it. From my perspective is like I don't know what it's like to raise kids at all.

Speaker 1:

Right, I see I was raised by parents and I have friends that are raising kids, but the reality is I would probably, if we were dating and you're a single mother, like I'm going to miss the cues, I'm going to miss the awareness until I learn and there's just going to be things that I'm not willing to like basically take on. And the only reason I'm saying that is it because I just, I guess I'm just putting it on this one date, but this has happened before in other other, less obvious ways. But, like, I mean, my, my profile said don't want kids, I'm looking for something casual and it's just. The questions I was getting out of her were just very they were sizing me up for being a partner and stuff, and I was just trying to like get to know her. Yeah, there's this.

Speaker 2:

Sometimes it's like a few things for you.

Speaker 2:

I think sometimes you can.

Speaker 2:

There's so much that we see on dating app profiles that can make you go through a checklist right and rule people out, and there are some pros and cons to that.

Speaker 2:

You think of, like when we were younger, how you met people and it was easier to date without being attached to an outcome, because you didn't have this profile of knowing what people are looking for, right, because if your profile said you wanted a relationship, then, but you might not want a relationship with everybody that you meet, right, so it's already like over promising something sometimes if people don't look at it the right way, and so what I'm getting at is sometimes I just stop looking at all those things just because I'm like, oh, this person's attractive, I see something that catches my eye or there's a picture of them doing an activity that I like to do too, being like a father figure to her children. Then maybe she picked up that's not really your lifestyle and I would agree with that, not that you couldn't do that if you didn't want to or if it wasn't the right person. That certainly isn't like what you are seeking, um, specifically yeah, I mean it's certainly 50, 50.

Speaker 1:

Right, it's on my side of not having the awareness around. What I was walking into and her I think that's exactly what happened is it was like whoa, we both missed the beat here. To be honest with you, I was just bored and went on the date and then I'm back to the.

Speaker 1:

I'm back to the bored dating scenario, but I'm uh, where I'm just trying to put myself out there again and see I am getting closer. I think I say this all the time. I go around this or come back and forth. I am I'm not really. I guess I'm not fully sure I'm in a place to be in a relationship right now, but I'm open to one and I think I'd like one.

Speaker 1:

I think I'm getting to the point now where there's been enough time from my past relationship where and I'm the inconsistency around intimacy and connection is getting to me. So I'm like, okay, well, if somebody comes around, I think my problem is I think I've identified to some extent like what I'm I want the pina colada girl. Right, I think I've decided I want the pina colada girl. I want the girl that likes pina coladas and dancing in the rain, and not the girl that wants that has two ski passes and wants to be in the mountain every weekend and doesn't drink but does mushrooms and is super spiritual, like somebody that's just like a normal human being that can balance all these things and likes pina coladas and dancing in the rain. And I can't find it. It's, and I think it's. Yeah, I found it, I should say, or that's just really laid back and I'm attracted to them and all this stuff, and it's just.

Speaker 1:

I think I'm going to go out on a limb here and piss some people off, I think. But I think that you hear it all the time with Colorado, men are all the same. Well, so are the women. They're not all in the same bucket. We're not. We're not all in that bucket. Right, there's obviously, it's just, but there is a consistency to the types of people I think we're both dating right on either side in colorado and I'm a little just just want to find somebody that, uh, is this a little bit more like normal? I don't know if that's the right word, but like I have everything have to be so extreme?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I don't disagree with you. The other thing I was going to say, based on what you mentioned, with that date specifically and I know you're not, it's just an example. So it's not like you're hung up on it, but when they're like, if we're showing up on a date with that many questions and to me the underlying feeling is that you're trying to check boxes and you're not really there to just get to know the person. That's probably what you were trying to get at in the beginning when you said let's try to date without being attached to the outcome. And maybe that woman was also bored and wanted to go on a date. Maybe she just wanted attention because she's, and so for her it might have checked a box that she went on a date and she but didn't actually want it to go anywhere. But didn't actually want it to go anywhere. I don't know. It's just there's so many.

Speaker 2:

We can all come into dating for different reasons and I think it just so many things have to like line up. Part of me wants to like stop and just enjoy the people that actually want to spend time with me and stop like waiting for. For it's weird because I keep thinking like okay, I can't have too much on my calendar if I'm dating, but then I'm like not making plans for some travel and stuff that I want to do, since I have a lot of work travel coming up, and then, if I add travel with friends, am I just gonna not be available at all and I don't know. It's just like a really hard balance sometimes. But I'm thinking to myself here I am, I don't know, trying to leave room for something I'm not always getting a whole lot out of, and I'm passing up time with people who genuinely want to be in my life and spend time with me.

Speaker 1:

So it's a weird balance and I think this is probably this will probably come up quite a bit over time, but I think and worth worthy of a whole podcast episode. But are I feel like, at least personally, and maybe you feel the same way but as I get older as my, my urgency to date or be in a relationship is this so it's almost to the point where it doesn't. It's not, there's no catalyzation anymore, there's just no uh, except for wanting to have sex, right. And then there's moments where I'm like boy, it'd be really nice to have somebody. I mean, I haven't, I can't tell you the last time I curled up on a couch with a girl and watched a fucking movie. Uh, it's been all. It's been well over a year and a half where I've just I've been, I've gotten that close to a girl reached in the last two years that we actually watch movies together, right, it sounds pathetic now that comes out of my mouth, but like I don't, it's worth.

Speaker 1:

Like having a discussion about, or just like being honest about where we're at in middle age and dating and what we want and what our desires are and how. How do we meet everybody's different, right, so they're everybody's different, everybody has a different way that they bond with each other, but it just it seems like when we were younger there was just there was more, there were more things internally, mentally, physically, that were lighting that fire under our ass to go out, to give people more of an opportunity and to get to know them and like connect. And I mean back when I was younger, before I got married, I mean I probably every two weeks there was a girl on my couch watching a movie with me. And now it's just different and it's partly on me, it's partly on them, it's partly just the age thing and it's worth a discussion because I just think it's very easy to be like, well, I'm good, like I'm good right now, I don't want to go on this date, and I think that's what's happening to us.

Speaker 1:

The other question is that our age? Or is that just where we've now been conditioned with the new, with modern dating, that we're just like fuck man, I don't, I know it's going to happen, and we go into these dates being like I'm going to get the questionnaire or somebody is going to ask me about my divorce right away, or like it's just like. It's just like it's hard not to go into these dates with assumptions, right, because people enough people have showed us the same playbook, right, or the same thing, and I'm trying not to trying to let that go and make that a thing that doesn't come up in my brain and just let it go every time. But it's, you see it everywhere, now that nobody's giving each other a chance, I guess.

Speaker 2:

I think it's real easy as a protection you can. Putting yourself out there is hard, and when things don't go your way, it's easy, it's natural. Or if you get hurt along the way, it's natural to want to avoid that again in the future. So for me it's for me. I don't know I'm losing my train of thought here, uh, but like the, I don't know I lost it oh no, it took your memory away so I don't know, it just was like, oh, this is.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it was just a distraction, but I think it's.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I know what I was going to get at is I'm trying to go in being yeah, you said assumptions I also am trying to be like a little bit less judgmental about people, but yet there's all these things you're supposed to do or not do, to show up and be open-minded, right, it's? Don't make assumptions, don't have expectations, don't be attached to an outcome, don't all these things. And I'm like, okay, I just, but at some point we can overjudge and over-assume as maybe a tactic to avoid a potential hurt again, right, is my point? So, like we can make a quick assumption oh, this person's not for me, I'm not even gonna give them a shot versus just letting things go and giving it space. And so that's what I'm trying to practice now is, instead of just making some rash judgments or assumptions about people maybe they're just nervous, maybe they're having a bad day, maybe the assumption or judgment that you made of them is accurate, but maybe you just need to let it play out a little bit and see if it's a big deal.

Speaker 1:

Give it a shot. Maybe it's just me too, maybe these aren't the experiences other people are having, but I'm getting there. I'm getting there. I can see myself sharing my life again. It looks different than it did in my 30s, well, how I share my life, but I can. I. I can confidently say that I'm emotionally available, that I have this, that I can and I'm, I think I can be that person in somebody else's life if they come along. So if you like pina coladas and dancing the rain, you should probably slip into my dms.

Speaker 2:

Uh I think you should put that on your profile.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I enjoyed the two birds. I think I'm gonna go to the karaoke thing. The two birds fit they. Yeah, I think it's coming up, oh seriously yeah, that's fun. By the way, my mom doesn't like my mom doesn't like the. Is she a 10?

Speaker 2:

I don't think she gets it, it's a game, just like it.

Speaker 1:

Just it seems to me how much your tens and I'm like it's just a game, uh. But yeah, she doesn't like it, but that's okay, because our podcast is it for boomers oh, that's sweet.

Speaker 2:

She's also realizing yeah, she's also realizing, how much you're tied to the looks well, that's where I start, although I don't need a barbie. Yeah, we want to be attracted to our people and we all have our things, we all have our things yeah, yeah, for sure, and thanks to our listeners for giving us time to experiment.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we appreciate you guys. We're gonna figure this out. We'll have a good yeah and uh, all right, everybody.

Speaker 1:

well, I we appreciate you guys. Hope you're doing well out there. Wherever you are, remember to follow us on Instagram and, for sure, subscribe to the pod. Share it with your, with your peers. Let us know what's going on in your life. We love content. We love hearing your stories good and bad, or maybe some dating trick that you tried out there that worked, or some way that you think about it. We're open to all kinds of things. Man, we're all in this together. So until next time this Sasquatch is out, let me see what happens here now Stop.

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Joel Poppert

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