Midlife Uncensored
Midlife Uncensored-Real Life Discussions from Over the Hillis the no-holds-barred podcast you didn’t know you needed. Hosted by Joel Poppert, aka Poppy—the friendly Sasquatch with an epic beard—and his fiery co-host, Emanuela Messineo, aka E, this show unapologetically dives into the chaos, comedy, and WTF moments of midlife. If you’re 35-55 and ready to embrace the rollercoaster of aging, this podcast is your new home base.
Poppy and E tackle everything from modern dating disasters in the hilarious sub-series The Love Laugh Lounge (the “festivus” of dating) to real-life shit like divorce, mental breakdowns, balding, sagging tits, and figuring out how to parent while still figuring yourself out and maybe dealing with an unhinged ex. With a blend of interview episodes and no-expert-needed banter (except when we bring on experts), these two cut through the BS and get real about midlife—no filters, no sugarcoating, just pure, unfiltered truth with a heavy dose of humor. Expect raw, relatable stories, unfiltered guidance, tough love, easy happiness, and a few episodes where the comedy comes from alcohol infused banter, because who give a fuck, right?
Whether you’re dealing with the joys of aging, trying to keep your sanity while raising kids, or attempting to find love in a sea of idiots, Midlife Uncensored has your back. Expect a few F-bombs, some belly laughs, and a whole lot of honesty as Poppy and E rip the band-aid off midlife and give you permission to thrive in this beautifully messy chapter. It's not just about surviving midlife—it's about unfucking it and owning it! This is your community; we are in it together!
Midlife Uncensored
Insecurities Part II: Facing Insecurities through Awareness and Emotional EQ
In this engaging episode of The Owning Alone Podcast, your favorite Denver Sasquatch, Poppy, and co-host Emanuela Messineo, E, dive into part two of their Insecurities Trio. Picking up from where they left off, they focus on understanding insecurities with an emphasis on gaining awareness. The duo shares personal stories, explores the impact of childhood experiences on adult insecurities, and discusses the importance of self-acceptance and emotional awareness. Poppy and Emanuela also touch on the challenges of navigating relationships, the pitfalls of attachment styles, and the significance of setting boundaries in both personal and professional life. Plus, they lighten the mood with some fun anecdotes from their recent outings and the upcoming podcast luau party. Tune in for insightful conversation, laughter, and a bit of self-reflection.
How to Engage with Us
- Email us at joel@owningalonepodcast.com
- DM us on Instagram midlifeuncensored
- Follow Joel on IG jpoppert
- Follow Emanuela on IG emanuela5683 or accountability_with_e
Thanks for joining the Owning Alone community, I certainly appreciate you!
Welcome to another episode of the Owning Alone podcast with your friendly Denver Sasquatch Poppy and Emanuela Messoneo, also known as E. It is a fine Monday evening in Denver, Colorado. In about six hours I will be on a plane to Florida. Before we get started, the Sunshine State. Remind everybody to subscribe. Share the pod with your people, with strangers, with everybody. Follow us on Instagram. We got all kinds of good things going there. Keep up with us and send us your stories at either slip into our DMs or at joel at owningloanpodcastcom. This is going to be part two of the insecurities trio. Last week, we talked about identifying our insecurities and how they impact our lives and our relationships, and this week, in a little bit here, we're going to get into part two of understanding our insecurities, with a primary focus on gaining awareness. And with that, how are you doing E?
Speaker 2:I'm good. How are you?
Speaker 1:Good, long time no see.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, whole 24 hours, not even.
Speaker 1:We've been doing all kinds of fun things. We went to a Red Rock show on Wednesday and we went to the Packer-Bronco preseason game yesterday. Yeah.
Speaker 2:We have a party coming up this weekend.
Speaker 1:The podcast party.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:The luau yeah, lots of people signed up for that, so that'll be fun. People flying in for it, people flying in for it, including myself, I guess.
Speaker 2:Because I'm going back on Thursday night.
Speaker 1:I'm going to hit the ground I have to go pick up a bunch of pork and figure out this party and like I could have done more prep this weekend but party and like I could have done more prep this weekend.
Speaker 2:But I mean, no, it'll be fine, we'll have food, there will be people, food, booze people, there'll be a lot of people.
Speaker 1:It's all good, it'll happen went to a pretty fun baby shower this weekend too.
Speaker 2:That was cool oh, and I played golf at arrowhead golf course, that's right yeah, I've played golf in a long time. Golf pro now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I'm definitely.
Speaker 2:A bro or a pro? Both no, a bro, pro.
Speaker 1:Real good at scramble, best ball. It's the only way you should play.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree with you on that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I would like to get out there again this summer, but we'll see.
Speaker 1:Anything you want to share before we dive in, or you just want to.
Speaker 2:Thank you for letting me vent. I had a shitty work day today. We're a little fired up when I got here, pretty fired up, so thanks for letting me vent and I'm ready to talk about insecurities and awareness, a lot of which I do you think your work makes you insecure, or is it other people's insecurities that are driving you insane? Okay, so Because.
Speaker 1:I don't have any. I told you before I don't have any perspective on coworkers. I haven't had a legitimate coworker in quite a long time 20 years.
Speaker 2:I just I sometimes get upset. I feel like there's things that bother me, that I feel like, are it's just not good etiquette? I don't know like where people are. I don't like to be rushed. I mean, that is just something I don't like. Period. I don't like to be rushed and I don't like to feel like disorganized or backed into a corner, and I feel like there's a lot of that can happen. So what I had a lot of today seemed it was like last minute requests. So I felt like I was like Monday morning, I don't know. I just felt like I was behind before the day even started and it wasn't cool. I'm happy about it.
Speaker 1:Based. Based on what you told me, it sounds less like insecurities and more.
Speaker 2:You set boundaries with your co-workers and your boundaries can continue to be tested I guess right and that's super frustrating well it's also just a lack of respect to some point, which is where I can really start to go down like a rabbit hole and get real pissed then, because I feel like it's just disrespectful, like it's not hard to just treat people like I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I mean do your job, let me do my job, I just let's set each other up for success it goes to the awareness thing right there's a little bit of they have very little awareness around around where your boundaries come from and why, and you have less awareness around why they're doing that right and what they're doing is not right, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2:I'm perfect.
Speaker 1:It's true. Scratch that from the record.
Speaker 2:Do not, it's accurate, I'm perfect, not kidding.
Speaker 1:I mean I do have a part business partner, which is probably even worse in some regards because that's like a marriage. But I have two business partners and, yeah, we can frustrate each other till all hell gets loose. And then, within business partnerships, boundaries are very great, I think.
Speaker 2:What's hard for me is, I don't always have a lot of, I don't have as quick of uh resilience as I would like to have when those situations happen, and I got hit by multiple in multiple angles today, and so it just kept compounding and I was like I'm just done with this. And it was Monday, right.
Speaker 1:We were up a little late last night drinking at the Packer game, and yeah, no, I get that. I get that for sure. I was pretty. I didn't wake up until eight this morning, which is really late for me, and then I got my work in and work. I didn't get started working until 10. So that gave me a little anxiety because I had so much shit to get done and pack today and all this stuff.
Speaker 1:My flight's at 1250 tomorrow morning, I guess, or like tonight basically tomorrow morning, I guess, or like tonight, basically, yeah, yeah, well, beyond all that, so if people remember we ended last, we ended the last episode going, going through the list of impacts that our lack of awareness or insecurities play in our lives and our relationships surrounding physical impacts, mental health impacts, our lives and our relationships. Surrounding physical impacts, mental health impacts, how they impact our relationships, and I think I challenged our listeners to sort of identify whether or not they have, you know, any of these sort of impacts, whether it's anxiety or I can't remember them all off the top of my head, but sleep problems, lack of inability to have enough attention to your work, or you're procrastinating, or any of that stuff. If you didn't have enough awareness around your insecurities, just back into them from there. Right, because some people lack complete awareness around their insecurities, which means that they have very significant cognitive distortions around where they are, what's going on in their lives. Right, and that's that is.
Speaker 1:One result of insecurities is that they can.
Speaker 1:They can be so bad, some can be so bad that you create a completely alternate universe within your head that you're not, so that you don't have to address them and you don't see them, and that's.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of work to be done to try to bring that insecurity back to your attention and understand it so that you can get to the root cause of it, cause until you do all that and go through this whole process you can't really start to address your insecurities. But for us, I think talking about maybe first we can talk a little bit about I think talking about maybe first we can talk a little bit about how we've gained some awareness, maybe around our own insecurities in the process of doing so, because before I started really identifying my insecurities, I was plagued with all kinds of these things. I had anxious attachment issues with relationships I had. I've had moments in my life where I'm completely debilitated and can't work, can't do anything, self-medicating all these things, and didn't take the time to think about why and really narrowing down and putting things into perspective. So maybe we can talk a little bit about, you know, that process of gaining awareness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I guess, when you like, you said that you've had some anxious attachment or whatever. So where was your starting point to gain awareness around that? How did you do that?
Speaker 1:I think it didn't dawn on me that, so I had. If you go back to anxious attachment, at least for me, if I go back to my all the way back to like high school right, it was this I wanted to be the cool kid, I wanted to be accepted. I wanted the hottest girlfriend. I wanted to be popular blah blah blah. At the same time, I wanted to be accepted. I wanted the hottest girlfriend. I wanted to be popular blah blah blah. At the same time, I wanted autonomy and to be in.
Speaker 1:I found different directions around that, but I think that I didn't have enough self-confidence and blah blah, blah. To me. Back up a little bit, my anxious attachment came from. I don't know where it came from in my childhood, because I don't think there was nothing in my childhood that would have made me anxious attachment. I think it was developed in high school, college by having the lack of confidence to be myself, to set boundaries with women, to blah blah, blah.
Speaker 1:So instead I would do I was like the nice guy, right, I'd fall into the friend zone a lot of times. And blah blah, blah. So instead I would do I was like the nice guy, right, I'd fall into the friend zone a lot of times and blah, blah blah, and then over years that created basically manifest destiny. What is it Manifest destiny around women that I would fall for? I would always fall for the classic, I would fall for the wrong women because they were the hottest girl, or they had this, or they filled some sort of. They filled some sort of hole in my insecurities, right. So I thought if I could get this woman to date me and be in a relationship with them, then that would cure the confidence thing or how I felt about myself and blah blah and so like that.
Speaker 1:my relationship with women and dating throughout my life has always been a roller coaster. It was always ups and downs. If I was up, right, like a woman could make me feel, my confidence was being defined by my entrepreneurialism and where I was there and the girls I was dating and the money I had, and blah, blah, blah. And when I wasn't making the money or my company wasn't doing well, my, my confidence was in a valley and then everything tripped and then everything went down into the valley, right. So everything fell down with me. Same thing with women, right? So my life was always this roller coaster. And then I got married and I met my wife and blah blah and I think we were both anxious attachment at the time, but we worked out right because I think we satisfied the needs that each other had with the anxious attachment. But then what happened is I grew up and and and when I came out of that marriage, it was I went to therapy and I read all these books about awareness and really started to learn, really started to learn about how our brains work, emotions, and blah blah blah, and part of it was just getting older, but the other part of it was just understanding, like how to process our emotions and how to go back and look back and see these things, why we're doing our behaviors, and then and then test yourself Right and challenge yourself to to be yourself and to have the relationship and to get to know yourself. And I think once I started doing that, I really committed to being Poppy, being myself, leaning into my good qualities, recognizing my insecurities. And then, once I started to get awareness around my insecurities I guess I'm talking about the whole journey now I wrote them down and then I talked to them with my therapist and then I started to talk to a few of my friends, very vulnerably, talking to my friends about the things that I didn't really want to talk about, so that I could, so that they had some awareness around me. And then they opened themselves up and blah, blah and then fast forward through all this work. Now I understand the root of my insecurities, so that I always have a perspective around these things.
Speaker 1:And then the one thing that I'm always doing as a mentally, mental health, like a healthy individual mentally, is that I'm always making sure I'm always checking into my distortions right. So I'm trying to. If I think that I got it. I try to check in to make sure that what my reality or what I think my reality is the reality that's actually happening. So I do that through conversations with my therapist, conversations with my friends or just like analyzing what's going on in my life really practically and objectively to make sure that I'm not distorting what's actually happening. So both internally, so that I'm not punishing myself or I'm not doing things I shouldn't, that I don't align with what I want to do, or and or punishing other people, right. So not giving somebody the benefit of the doubt because I've distorted something, or not giving them the time or giving them the time, right. So, yeah, that was a lot, but that's how I do it.
Speaker 1:I don't make it sound like I was like a mess for my whole entire life. It was just without the awareness side of it, particularly the internal awareness, right, there's two types of awareness. There's external awareness, which is the ability to understand what's going on in society, with your friends and your family, and start to understand where they're at and where they're coming from. And then there's internal awareness, which is understanding your story, your understanding yourself and where your shit comes from, and I think a lot of people struggle with both, but a lot of people I mean there's a lot of people, I think that have good, reasonable, external awareness. It's always easier to see other people than it is to see yourself. Right, to be true to yourself, we're on our worst enemies sometimes. So gaining that internal awareness is where you really want to focus. Particularly around insecurities is because you have to be really honest with yourself, right, you really need to face this shit and understand it before you can make any sort of noticeable change.
Speaker 2:I mean people don't need to, but I think the starting point is wanting to change or wanting something different in your life, because otherwise there's really no motivation to change or grow.
Speaker 2:I definitely have a growth mindset. I don't see that ever really changing, but for me, when I've really had some like big breakthrough moments is because something painful happened and I want to avoid that happening again. And so I sit back and I try to learn from okay, what did I bring to that equation? What did the other person bring, like, how can I avoid that in the future? And I think that is definitely something that you can use to as like a place to look for growth opportunity and in that might be identifying some insecurities or things, right? So, like you mentioned also, anxious attachment, which is one like anxious and avoidant attachments, are both considered insecure attachments, um, because it's basically like a way that our body is trying to protect us from past, like from what past experiences have happened. So, um, it's good to have awareness around it because, like you also mentioned having your own like, um, you can have these like confirmation bias in yourself of oh no, I'm doing the right thing here.
Speaker 1:How do you think that anxious and avoidant attachment are tied to insecurities? Because I didn't really. What is the connection, I guess?
Speaker 2:So it's like a fear of not getting hurt, a fear of not getting abandoned or rejected, and it ends up being oftentimes well. It eventually will lead to usually codependent relationships, unless you've healed and done some work around it. But it's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy because end up usually not working out when you are, when you have insecure Well, avoid it and attach.
Speaker 1:So there's a book called attach I'm sure you've read it, by Jessica Baum, I think, which I've read. I actually gave it to a girl dating one time so that she understood my when I started getting awareness around it. Ironically, I think I'm a secure attachment now, if not avoidant, which is and you can move around in the spectrum for sure, but that's just, that's there's, that's a whole combination of why that that is, but I do think that's one of the main. That's a big, that's a big thing that plagues a good portion of people and I think a lot of people don't have awareness around it. Right, and identifying one that behavior right, identifying one that behavior right, because I think a lot of people that are have attachment, have this, have avoidant and particularly anxious attachment would give anything not to have it. That's how I felt at the time.
Speaker 1:Once I get, I never wanted to be that person that was like that cared whether you text me or not, or called me, or what you were thinking about me. I didn't want to be that person. I just couldn't. I didn, I didn't have control over it and it was directly tied to my ego, right. And when I realized that I didn't need women to validate my self-worth. It became different, right, and it just changed the dynamic for me entirely. And that came through growth. That came from loving myself, believing that I was a beautiful person, that I was a good person, that I had something to offer to people, and then flipping the script to what can they offer me right?
Speaker 2:not an arrogant way, but what do you? What do you bring the table?
Speaker 1:that definitely is it because you could be a 10, but but what is?
Speaker 2:yeah, we need to get back to that.
Speaker 1:Okay so okay.
Speaker 2:So when I know a little bit more, probably about anxious attachment, because that's where I've leaned more towards and there's times I've been a little more avoidant. But I've definitely had more of the anxious attachment in the past and I think it's typically rooted in wanting validation from other people. So like when you can shift it to having self-acceptance, knowing that you like, knowing your own value, then it does become more about does this person bring to the relationship what I want and does that compliment me instead of am I good enough? Right, that cause? That's really, I think, what the anxious attachment is am I good enough? And then, and I don't know, with an avoidant attachment, I think it's probably a little bit of a fear of oh, you're getting too close, I don't want to get hurt again. I'm assuming because that or at least that's what it was for me when I was that way Like I'd been hurt very badly by a relationship. So it was like I, anytime someone got too close, it was like whoa back up. But so I don't know, like that isn't the attachment that I like resonate with as much.
Speaker 2:But there are assessments you can do, like free assessments online. So if you think that you have either one of those if you want to gain some awareness around it. There's some short um assessments. You can just Google like um, attachment style theory, like assessment, and I'm sure like plenty of them come up. I did one recently actually, so, um, they don't take that long and there's tons of books out there to help with awareness. That's like probably a good starting point um for to help you uncover some insecurities.
Speaker 2:The other thing is like just having some kind of mindfulness meditation practice so that you can just like years ago and actually because I was suffering from so much anxiety, just like all across my life, like period, like I, just it wasn't just in romantic relationships life like period Like I, just I it wasn't just in romantic relationships Um, I my like adopted dad was taking a mindfulness class or a meditation class to help with, uh, pain management because he was had leukemia and was going through like bone marrow treatment and it's like very painful. So he was going through this course to to help manage the pain and he asked me to take it with him. So it was like a six or eight week course once a week for two hours and he asked me to go with him. I don't remember if he told me at the time, but he just thought it would be good for me and I mean it changed my life at the time, like it helped me really gain start to do some work and gain some awareness around the fact that I could improve the level of anxiety I was experiencing and I could probably use more of it in my day-to-day life.
Speaker 2:But if you can just recognize when your heart is beating a little faster or you need to take a deep breath, or just when you're getting worked up, that if you can get to a point where you're aware of when that's happening, you don't have to figure it out in that moment, but later in your day, like you can maybe go back and say, okay, why did that upset me, or why did that get me worked up, or why did I, why was I feeling triggered?
Speaker 2:Like I had to do that a few times today because I was like getting so worked up and I'm like, oh my gosh, like what you know it, it can make you like really react in a way that you don't want to in a situation. So I think that's another important place to start. If you don't, you can do all kinds of assessments to help you uncover things about yourself. But if you're just looking for a day-to-day way to not have to dive too deep, if you just gain some awareness around, like when you're getting worked up or when you're feeling triggered in your day, there's usually something there for you to learn.
Speaker 1:And I would argue to like practice vulnerability. I think that I mean if you're able to be vulnerable enough to the easiest way to identify or start to wrap your head around your insecurities is to go to therapy. Right, and therapy might not be an option for everybody, but therapy if you can go and trust a therapist, find a good therapist that works, and you're willing to be vulnerable with them and share your story and answer their questions, they'll get to the root of it. Most of them I also would argue that probably a lot there's probably people in your life that, if you would allow them a safe space to have a discussion about stuff, probably have some awareness around your insecurities that you may not.
Speaker 2:Like asking for feedback from some trusted people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe people that have done their own work or close friends, I think if you're looking for tools of like how to gain awareness, I think some kind of meditation or even just if cause I know that term and that practice is thrown out a lot and it's not for everyone. But maybe it's also just go for a walk. It's about just like letting your mind clear and not having noise come in all the time, Just letting your mind think a little bit freely, right? So if you don't want to have a meditation practice, maybe it's just go for a walk and maybe it's just listening to some soothing music in that time. Think of when you go for a massage. They have some nice sounds in the background. That might be a nice thing to do and just giving yourself a moment to think about things and reflect. You could have a journal practice to write some thoughts down of whatever it is that's on your mind and that can help. Certainly I sometimes actually will text myself because I'm sometimes like if I get really worked up about something, I'll just I have to get it out and I'll just text it to myself and sometimes that helps me just work through the thoughts. That helps me just work through the thoughts.
Speaker 2:But another thing I like to do to really get to the root of why something's bothering me is. I'll sit back and say okay, like why is this bothering me? And I sit there and I'll go through. I'm trying to think of like an example. I guess I could use today's example because it's fresh in my mind, but was like I got a last minute meeting request Monday morning at over, over whatever. I'm not going to go into all the details of it, but it was a last minute meeting request. I wasn't ready for it and I felt very rushed and put on the spot. And then I responded to the person, said I'm available at after this certain time and then got a call from my boss asking if I was working today, which immediately like got me like worked up again, because I really hate the idea of not pulling my own weight, not doing a good job. I really value like my reputation, but if I then so I can sit there and say okay, why is this important to me? Or why is this upsetting me? And whatever that answer is, ask it again, Like why you have to get to the root of it.
Speaker 2:There's usually like multiple layers to it and for me, the good work ethic is all rooted in how I was expected to behave as a child, Right, and also at some point I grew up in a not to speak ill of anybody from under. This is to like take away any control she has over me, and so that meant I had to work, make my own money, buy my own clothes, buy my own, do all my own things, Right, so like slowly over the years I would just work became a means to escaping being controlled by other people, Right, and so for me it's like very deeply, the meaning is so much bigger than like one little comment on a phone call today. And that doesn't require me. If I have awareness around it, I can maybe not lash out at the person on the other end of the phone and and then you can maybe vocalize hey, this really bothers me, because I don't want someone to think I'm not doing a good job. I also like don't do well if I'm being like rushed or backed into a corner, Like I said it a couple of times today between my boss and the customer that I had this call with, and it was like look, I want us to set each other up for success, and I can't do that if I'm getting like a last minute meeting request, Give me a heads up.
Speaker 2:If there's something urgent, I'm always available. Like, just give me a call, but like this weird, I don't know it just it's not how I operate and it just, but it is how, I guess, my boss likes to communicate with this person. So I don't know.
Speaker 1:It was like a bunch of miscommunication and it was so how much of that is a root of your insecurity, which sounds like control to some extent, control.
Speaker 2:To me, what's resonating is disrespect yeah, oh yeah, that's a big one like you're insecure about being not being respected, which I have to imagine.
Speaker 1:Some of this stuff is very common and it's common for everybody, but I think particularly, probably for perfect, for women and in in the workforce to some extent, where they, because they are a lot of times disrespected or and I think men, some men don't have awareness around how this translates to.
Speaker 2:It's also a stay in your place.
Speaker 1:What I wanted to ask I think to help start giving examples is for both of us to try to identify what is one or two of the most common from your perspective, one of the more common insecurities that women have. Let's start there and then I guess I can try to identify what I think men have, or I can go first or but, so that we can sort of back into what. Let's just go through them.
Speaker 2:Let's go through one example for a woman and one example for sure, I mean, I just thought of one, I don't know if it's like a common one, but it's one for me is if you aren't married or don't have kids as a, especially because I'm in my 40s now. So I think you know people question that and that could there can be some insecurity around that if you're, you know like you're insecure, because you feel like a failure. Yeah, I guess, or just that.
Speaker 1:I mean, was that an insecurity for you, or is it?
Speaker 2:It definitely was like there's a common it's probably not anymore, it doesn't bother me anymore, but definitely in my thirties people asking about your dating status and then like kids and stuff like that, or like the common question of oh, do you have kids? And oh, are you married? Oh, do you have kids? And that's oftentimes like when people are just like if they don't know you, it's like an easy thing they ask, but it's also like I don't know. It's hard to answer sometimes because you feel like no, I don't.
Speaker 1:Because you feel like people are judging you.
Speaker 2:They're judging you, yeah.
Speaker 1:What about like?
Speaker 2:But that's probably not at all what they're doing. They're just looking for something. It's like how's the weather today, right? Or what do you do for work? Well, but so someone.
Speaker 1:I think some people could be judging you, and that's okay, it is okay.
Speaker 2:I'm okay with that. That's the thing. I don't have an insecurity around it anymore, like I'm good with it.
Speaker 1:But I did at the time because so what work did you do to get through that? So it's not an issue anymore.
Speaker 2:I just have really focused on learning what value I do bring to the table and having acceptance around the fact that I had gotten married or had kids with those people that I would probably be like divorce, like divorce and very unhappy now, and, even though I don't know, I think I just I'm okay with myself and I. It's taken a very long time to get there, but as I look around, I've realized how much I bring to the table and how good of a person I am and I'm good with where I am. Like all those things created me, created who I am today, me created who I am today and I wouldn't change that. So I mean I can't either so it's I could dwell on that or I could just focus on moving forward, which and it's an evolution over time.
Speaker 2:I don't have all the answers, I don't. I'm sure there will be, like how you've talked about these peaks and valleys. I'm sure there's days in my future that I'll feel shitty again about it, but overall I do recognize the value I bring to relationships across the board friendships even like work situations and and romantic relationships especially, and I've definitely just gotten to this point of where I'm not gonna just I don't know it's more about. Are we gonna mesh well together, Are we gonna complement each other and be better together, or not? Same with like friendships too. So I don't know. I just it's been a very long process to get there and I think it takes sometimes like being in painful situations, to then just want better for yourself, and that's just where I am now. So a good therapist along the way, like I've had one consistent one over the past 20 years, and then occasionally I'll sprinkle in like a new one just to get some different perspective.
Speaker 1:But it is nice to go back to my original therapist who's known me all along and I would go back to the, because I'm obviously in the same boat to some extent around kids and I don't have kids and being a man and not raising kids is a little abnormal to some, at least with everybody else around me where they're at. But I go back to everybody's on their own journey.
Speaker 2:And there's I don't know.
Speaker 1:Seven and a half billion people on this planet, and every one of them's got their own journey. It's all a little different, and I'm a fond believer that there is no purpose to life. We're just around to live and we're all taking our paths, and the only thing that you can do is own your path, own your decisions, or the decisions that were made for you, or just your journey. Just was your journey, and so I look at the fact that, like me, not having kids or even a wife right now has allowed me to do X, y and Z and to be this, for that and to have these other opportunities.
Speaker 1:That and it all plays into this whole rip and this whole fabric of life and the people that tend. What I've learned as getting older is the people that actually do judge you. They're judging you through their own damn insecurities, their own lack of whatever, like their own jealousy their own, like lack of confidence, or how you're intimidating them indirectly, and blah blah.
Speaker 2:So maybe there's the actual, real tip whatever you're judging other people for, look inward.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It is definitely a thing that is. It's a very true statement and that's probably a place to start. If you're looking for ways to identify insecurities, that's probably a good place to go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what are your judgments? I mean, I think that I think, for women too, it's the keeping up with the Joneses, and I think both.
Speaker 2:I mean there's a lot of common insecurities I think I've I've always struggled with I've fluctuated with weight over the years and stuff, so that has always been an insecurity and I I'm fairly good with it, but there's, I hold onto that one. So I feel good in my skin at this point, though, like I think I'm just like I'm done beating myself up, I'm tired, like I can get enough of that from other people. I don't need to beat myself up too and you just get. I don't know. I think this is one of the beautiful parts of middle age is I don't want to do that anymore. I don't need to Like.
Speaker 2:One thing you also just said reminded me of like I don't remember exactly what it was that you just said, but having just some like gratitude around. Oh, you said not having kids and now being like divorced and just focusing on the things that you can do now that you wouldn't have been able to do if you had been married with kids, and I think that's just finding gratitude in what you have too, right, like we can focus on the negative, but where's that going to get us? I think what's harder to do is to sit in something that maybe you didn't want or something that was out of your maybe control and finding the positive in that. And there's some real freedom in that, because we're very controlled by like the negative, beating ourselves up and the negative expectations that are that are out there, judging ourselves too, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, we do a lot less judging of ourselves as we do others, and I think that's part of the problem. I think it's easy. I think most people are very good at judging others, but they're not good at judging themselves and looking inward.
Speaker 2:Speak for yourself. I'm pretty damn good at judging myself.
Speaker 1:Some people are, but I do think a lot of people. I think a lot of people are judging, taking the opportunity to judge everybody else instead of judging themselves and taking some responsibility for their own insecurities and doing something about it, because it's very easy to play the victim. It's very easy to play the victim and a lot of people are doing it, and the more that they play the victim, the more they're hiding their insecurities, the more that their cognitive distortions take over their life and eventually it's very hard to get out of it, and I challenge people to never be the victim never be the victim.
Speaker 2:That's a good one.
Speaker 1:I like that I don't care if you are, don't be the victim, because if you're never the victim, then you're always taking responsibility for how you ended up in that situation and taking responsibility for your own insecurities. And I get it. People are going to challenge me that, well, I am the victim and this, and that I get it.
Speaker 2:I get it. You can't always control your situation but learn from your mistakes. Or just learn from the situation.
Speaker 1:It's not always a mistake.
Speaker 2:So it can also be like next time. I need to have a clearer boundary with someone Like I can probably learn from my experience today and be clearer about my style of communication. And I was very clear with this customer that I wasn't going to be able to give him what he was asking for. And he tried three or four times and I was like just very clear, like until you give me X, y, z, I cannot give you what you're looking for, because if I give you what you want today, I can't back it up, which doesn't set you or me up for success. If I give you a quote today with no information, I can't back that up, which means you're going to have to go back on your word. I don't. That's not no, that is not going to happen. I'm not going back on my word and I'm certainly not putting you in that situation.
Speaker 2:So I'm not trying to be harsh about it, but I did explain that to him very clearly, and so that was the best I could do in that moment was try to explain why that boundary was important to me and why it really is important to him too. Right, but if you're ever in a situation like I think we also need to. Just, you're, on one hand, you're saying we need to judge ourselves more, and I think we need to be kinder to ourselves, because I think a lot of us are judging ourselves or are feeling a lot of shame, and that's going to hinder the healing process too.
Speaker 1:So having maybe judge isn't the right word, but I think we need to be, we need to be true to, we need to be honest with ourselves and vulnerable with ourselves, and it takes a little bit of judgment to do that, and I think or just I mean.
Speaker 2:I think it's also just like awareness and being. I think you have to create an environment within yourself that you are accepting of yourself, even if it's flawed, and start with that and having some real gentle.
Speaker 1:We need to be more objective, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think for me at least. I mean, I'm my own worst critic, so I don't need more judgment of myself. I needed less of it. And I needed, though, to remind myself that I trust myself, that I've gotten myself here, that I anything that happens to me, I'm fully capable of getting through on my own. So there's really no reason to go into situations with people being fearful of anything, because, especially with an anxious attachment of, oh, I want this person to accept me, what I don't, why does that even fucking matter? I'm good, I'm great on my own, I don't, so why am I worried about someone else giving me some validation? It's what? The no, we don't, it's okay. And then also, if someone, if you're spending time with someone and then they decide you're not for them, that's okay, Then just move on.
Speaker 1:Try to put it in perspective too, I mean people like.
Speaker 1:There's always a reason why people like particular dating. One thing I realized is like there's a million reasons why you're being rejected. Right, rejection is part of the dating game. In some ways it's good, right, like you get into the bottom of it real quick and stop taking the rejection. And if you keep throwing, still, if you keep throwing your, your name in the wrong hat and nothing's coming out, then maybe find a different hat to throw your name into, right? If you're not, you know under, get some awareness around where you're at with the dating pool or what have you, and try to find something more compatible and be honest with yourself and where you're at. And if you're not, if your insecurities are plaguing you, then don't take some time not to date, right, because it's just you got to take some time to work on yourself.
Speaker 2:I feel like I already need a break, and it's not even been that long. I'm like oh boy. I got to get a hold of myself here.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, dating these days isn't for the.
Speaker 2:It's funny because it's like you go back and I feel like my fuse is shorter each time because it's like again, oh God, that's all right, but I'm actually in a pretty good place with it. I think it's just You've got to find a better way for middle-aged people to find each other, I don't know. It's just.
Speaker 1:I don't, yeah, I don't really know, but this isn't, it's not as much about dating you know what else has helped me with awareness. What's that? Chat to GPT this, you know. What else has helped me with awareness is just this podcast.
Speaker 2:No, like I feel like this has really helped me a lot. I go, I listened to each of our episodes and it has really helped me to just be aware of, like, the words I'm saying and how I'm showing up. And I'm not perfect, don't think I ever will be, certainly try to be better each day, but I think there's some I don't know, like maybe recording yourself, or I mean this for me is like a way of journaling in a certain way. So maybe record yourself if you don't want to journal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, mean that could be like a thing, I don't know record yourself at the moment when in your emotional state like when you catch, learn to recognize when you're triggered, right?
Speaker 1:we've had episodes about this where, if something, if an emotion's carrying on or something's happening, your anxiety is triggered. Take the time to write down very freely what, what your emotions are, what happened in that day, like all that stuff, so you can get to the root of this shit and then force yourself to don't do the self-pity, don't do the victim thing, don't make up excuses for why you're in that state. Identify the damn insecurity and face it, be honest with it and be vulnerable. Talk to people, talk to your friends.
Speaker 2:The right people, though, you have to have.
Speaker 1:You have to pick somebody that has their own awareness.
Speaker 2:Well, and you also have to pick someone who is genuinely invested in you. Go to someone who's going to be kind in their delivery, because it's hard to look in the mirror sometimes. It's hard, it's a hard thing to do. So make sure that whoever you're asking for that feedback from is someone that is gonna handle that in a caring way, because otherwise that can do damage to intelligent and objective way.
Speaker 1:I mean it takes special. It takes somebody that's done work probably to do to be that person for you, because otherwise the protector in your life is probably not going to be objective, fully objective in some ways, unless there's a safe space for that. What I mean by that is my mom's probably not going to tell me that. My mom's probably not going to tell me what I need to hear to help with my insecurity. She's going to tell me that it's all going to be okay. And then you're the, you're a handsome man and blah, blah, blah and everything's gonna be about and that's great, that's what moms are for.
Speaker 1:But I know that with the work I've done I can be an objective. I can be a very thoughtful, objective person when it comes to other people in my life. If they wanted to talk to me about insecurities, because I'll be thoughtful about it, I'll work through it and I'll also be, I'll also be. I'm willing to take the risk of being. I don't not like being honest enough that it might initially, I guess might trigger something in them, but but I'm careful enough and I have enough aware, like understanding a way to communicate, to get to the, to get, help them, get to the root of it, and that nothing about addressing our insecurities is fucking fun, Right? So you equally need to allow that person to have a safe space to do that, too, with you you or the another way you could approach it.
Speaker 2:If you don't want to ask for it, like for feedback on that is if someone else, if you're struggling in a certain area of life and you want to improve on it, if there's someone else that you feel like has is like knocking that out of the park in some way, maybe ask them for how they got there or if they overcame something similar, like maybe you can learn something from them and see if they'll share that with you.
Speaker 2:I think some of I mentioned an assessment earlier, the attachment assessment. There's a couple other ones. There's one called the ACE assessment. It's shoot, I wrote down it's basically a childhood, I'll say trauma, but it's basically just some. Uh, it's a pretty short.
Speaker 2:I think it was like a one page thing, like when I went to a therapist, like they had it printed out and it was just identifying some areas of potential neglect that you could have as a child. And even if it was minor or whatever, um, it can still appear in your adult life, right, and so, whether it was a family relationships or maybe something that happened at school, or maybe it was like something with a first love that you had, I don't know, like all those things can impact you later, and so this was just a way that it was really eye with a first love that you had. I don't know like all those things can impact you later, and so this was just a way that it was really eyeopening to me. I hadn't really thought about it Cause, like I don't know, like I don't think of being like traumatized or victimized, but even though those are terms that we like use very commonly now, but like terms that we like use very commonly now, but like I love who I am again, like I don't want to dwell on oh, this happened to me or whatever. I still had a lot of very good things in my life, even if there were traumatic things, but those things all formed me.
Speaker 2:But I think if you want to learn and uncover, like there are things that are happening in your life repeatedly that you're unhappy with, or things are repeating themselves that that you're not happy with, there's something there for you to uncover. And unfortunately, I think a lot of times or at least this was for me, so I don't want to like project this on to everyone else A lot of times I think it's rooted in things that happened to us as um at a younger age cause it forms like how we cope with things, or it could even be things that happened in our adult life. So I don't know.
Speaker 2:But there's the ACE assessment. You can search that it's a real quick one, that that could be a place to look if you don't want to ask other people for help with this or if you don't want to go down the therapy thing uh, the therapy road. And then another one that I really liked and it's not really an assessment, but you can look up the eight dimensions of wellness, and I liked the exercise of just going through each of those areas of your life and ranking them like one through 10. And if something scores low, like that, you're not happy with it. That could be. This is maybe not necessarily related to insecurities, but could be, and there might be some like that might help direct you into an area that isn't going as well as you'd like it to go and might be rooted in some insecurities.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So those would be some ways to have some awareness around what your insecurities are, if you don't know what they are, and then awareness in general, though I think is all rooted in some kind of mindfulness or meditation, whatever that looks like for you, if it's like going for a walk, or I mean crochet.
Speaker 1:I get it. I think we keep. I think we keep talking about awareness. Like I, awareness is a science.
Speaker 1:There's a science for sure and I think that I read a handful of books. There was when I started to get into this. It wasn't just therapy, but I think starting with a book like whether it's emotional EQ by Daniel Goldman or Patrick Kim has written a bunch of books. He's a voice out there, a very pragmatic, like simple voice for awareness. So short books. He wrote a short. He wrote several books on self-awareness but one I think it's called the art of self awareness. It's like a 250 page book.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's cool. Super easy to read.
Speaker 1:And it starts to give you like the foundational tool, like the tools to self-awareness and how you, the perspective, and I think that's a good place to start so that you understand the theory and the science behind awareness and emotional and basically emotional EQ, because it's these things are like intellect they are. It takes practice and education and I think that's a good start, and, at the same time, journaling and meditating and walking and being with your insecurities so that you can start to wrap your head around it.
Speaker 2:Is this? It the art of self-awareness.
Speaker 1:I don't want to say John King.
Speaker 2:That's okay, but that looks. Yeah, he's he's got a bunch of books.
Speaker 1:I think he's got a podcast now and he's he's pretty awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there are a lot of out there for gaining self-awareness, but I do think that we're fixated on that right now because I think it's important to yeah. You can't address your insecurities without awareness and you have to like and self-acceptance too is, so you know, important, but I think you have to work through some of these insecurities to get there. So I also wanted to note say too.
Speaker 1:There are definitely people in our life that unknowingly are agitating our insecurities or enhancing them. So if you're, if you're insecure about your, your body image or, and blah blah and all your friends are that's all they talk about and they want to go out and dress up in fancy dresses and go out and this and that every time it does it like, triggers your insecurity and blah blah, remove yourself from that situation and or have a discussion with your people. Are they? And with yourself?
Speaker 1:stop putting yourself in those situations and stop allowing your people to not have the awareness around that and because a lot of times it's their damn insecurities that are making that are the insecurities tend to boil over into other people's lives. That's how we deal with them we, we and I'm guilt. I'm just as guilty of this. I said it on the last episode when I had financial insecurities, that I would prop myself up and make myself look better than I am, which would trigger other people's financial insecurities.
Speaker 2:We all have the stories we tell ourselves right, and this goes back to our past experiences and the confirmation bias and also our insecurities and attachments and all these things that drive how we react to situations. But we all have the stories we tell ourselves right. I can say one thing. You can hear a completely different thing, and that's because of either I'm not being very clear or a combination of things. Right, Like, maybe I'm not being clear on what I'm saying, or and or you could be like interpreting it to confirm what you think is right. Right, that's what we're constantly looking for things to confirm what we think already.
Speaker 1:Or trying to manifest it too.
Speaker 2:Right. And so those are that's where I think, when we started, you were saying, like, check in with yourself and make sure that you're like in reality, right, Like that you're not distorting things. And that's where that comes from. Right, Like I may say something, you interpret it differently or we take things personally. Oh, when they said X, Y, Z, did they meet? Were they trying to tell me that I like, when they made that comment, were they trying to tell me that I didn't dress up enough, or I wasn't, I didn't look good in that, or what do they mean by that? And that's really like just your own insecurity coming out may not have had anything to do with you.
Speaker 1:And it's very likely it didn't, but it could have.
Speaker 2:It could have. Some people are passive, aggressive.
Speaker 1:I mean, some people deal with their insecurities by putting other people down.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely, I mean quite often actually.
Speaker 1:I just think, being Even people, they love.
Speaker 2:Let's like we need to probably focus more on like just learning to accept ourselves the way that we are, even imperfectly, and then I think that's where you can start like or stop taking things so personally, because we're not like trying to defend the insecurities that we have yeah, and the insecurities that you have some control over, do something about it, because that's one way to address an insecurity is to have a plan for rectifying that situation.
Speaker 1:If it's something you control. If it's something you can't control, then you need to put it in perspective. I did want to make a comment that one of the things about awareness is when you get, when you do this work and you get pretty good awareness. The internal awareness is the hardest to gain and it's the best, but you also get pretty good external awareness and through all the work that I've done, I can identify pretty well I think not everything, but people can come with pretty objective theories of why people do the things they do and why they're behaving the way they do, and in some regards it gives me a lot more patience with people, a lot more understanding, a lot more empathy. On the flip side, sometimes it can make me impatient or I'm very quick to remove and not allow those people into my life because I know I'm like, look, I don't have, I want to spend my time with these people and I'm not going there.
Speaker 2:Do you feel like you see through the bullshit or you feel like you've done more work and you don't want to be like? What's the why would you? Why do you cut it off?
Speaker 1:I guess for me particularly for, like my close relationships, any relationship that I could that I get to choose right, like I don't want to continue to be subject to somebody else's insecurities when they are taking no action to gain awareness around them, because they're impacting my life, right, they're impacting our relationship, they're making our relationship negative and I find it very difficult, if not impossible, to try to fix a relationship when the other person has zero skills or desire to address their insecurities and how they're playing a role in both their lives and your relationship with them. What do you do if you tell somebody that they're if you a lot of times, if you try to trigger, like you try to tell somebody that they're doing something because of something you've identified and they're not ready to hear it, it's not going to go well.
Speaker 2:And there's no point. Why do you? It's not going to go well. I mean, why do you care? Why is that important to you?
Speaker 1:Well, I think it's important to me because I think what's happened to me over the years now is that my circle is much smaller because of that.
Speaker 1:My circle is much smaller because I decided that I wanted to make the relationships with the people that we do have awareness and we are talking and we have good communication healthier and stronger and spend more time with them and spend more time nurturing that and allowing for new relationships to come in that are more healthy and blah blah blah than trying to go and trying to go fix the other relationships, and I think that's something that people need to understand that, like your insecurities and your lack of awareness around them and your laziness around fucking doing anything about it, is impacting the types of relationships that you have with people. It's certainly impacting your relationships and if you have kids and a husband or a wife or family members and blah blah, like all these relationships are, it's not just you're not isolated to your insecurities. Your insecurities are impacting your relationship with everybody and to be a better partner, better mother, better father, blah blah you need to be vulnerable and honest with yourself and you need to seek you need to seek help.
Speaker 2:It sounds like that's important to you, Like it's important to you to want to be a better partner and to have the those types of like relationships with people who are willing to grow and have awareness and do better for all of society.
Speaker 1:We need to move.
Speaker 2:I mean, if I'm going to be fucking important to everybody, though, but it is, it's important, for I know it's not important. I'm just saying I think if any way we're trying to, I wish it would be more important.
Speaker 1:We're regressing in society, but unfortunately, we're regressing, I think, to some extent, I don't really know.
Speaker 2:I think it's cool that you know that those are the types of relationships and people that you want around you, though, like you do have awareness around that and you are allowed to choose that as a quality and the people that you want around you and all the people that don't want to do it fucking do it, because everybody's sick of fucking everybody's sick of your victimhood. If they do the prizes, they might be your friend yeah, they would get.
Speaker 1:No, I don't need more friends doors are closed.
Speaker 2:I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:It will make for better. It'll make for better, most importantly, better relationship with yourself, and that's the key to it. There's no.
Speaker 2:Why is that important to you, though? Do you feel like you've always been that way, or?
Speaker 1:it's, I think. Well, I think it goes back to I think that human beings need to fucking keep moving towards enlightenment and I think enlightenment is. I think we are. I think every generation gets more enlightened. They all look a little crazier every to the older people but like we are moving, we're prioritizing our health and we're learning more things. We've got more data points we're getting. We are in a lot're learning more things. We've got more data points we're getting. We are, in a lot of ways, becoming more enlightened and I think an enlightened species, at the end of the day if we're talking very sci-fi ish can solve more problems and be more happy and together and all the things. But I think we need to have, you always have that mindset no, I don't know that I always will.
Speaker 1:I just I know that. I just think that we should. I think awareness is important and I think it's something we ought to teach. Emotional, like I said, eq, emotional eq is a fucking science and we should be teaching it. Just like anything else. We should be teaching people how our brains work, how emotions work, how, like how certain things, like how trauma impacts people's lives, so that people know that the kid who lost his parents in a car accident probably has different emotional reactions to certain things versus the others. And if we don't learn these things and we don't teach these things, we're doing society a disservice by not promoting emotional intelligence like any other.
Speaker 2:And some empathy too. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And because if we're seeing it regress right, we're the most divided we've ever been as a nation. We literally hate people for voting one way. We don't solve any problems and it's creating mob mentality and victim mentality and just really unhealthy behaviors that are now being encoded into our children and the next generation, and it just needs to stop. I think we're like the highest amount of narcissists. I mean, that number just keeps growing and blah, blah, blah. So I'm going down a rabbit hole now and we're like an hour and 10 minutes, so I don't know if you have any last words. Do you want to go on a little five-minute tirade like I just did?
Speaker 2:I think we should do a little bit of their 10.
Speaker 1:Do you have?
Speaker 2:some teed up. I can uh we had. We both agreed on one yesterday oh yeah, kicked off. The problem is the game needs to be. The problem is there are 10, but blah, blah, blah and the part the you only care that they're a 10. I need to try to knock you off that. I need to come up with something.
Speaker 1:So egregious Because in my brain the 10 means that they don't have any flaws, but then you're telling me they have a flaw.
Speaker 2:It's just that they're a 10, is they have like they look perfect from the outside, like looks wise. That would be what it is for me. I don't know. Does it mean are you saying like there are 10 all the way around, like inside and out?
Speaker 1:There are 10, but they never ask questions.
Speaker 2:I mean, I dated someone like that. Okay, yeah, I try to not say anything negative, so I'll just keep the rest of myself. That's annoying. You know it should be two-sided. So there are 10, but they refuse to load the dishwasher the way you like it well, I'm not that kind of person, so it wouldn't bother me.
Speaker 1:So I'm good it doesn't.
Speaker 2:I swear. You've brought up dishwasher loading before I was.
Speaker 1:Oh, I have, because I was married to somebody that had a very particular way and how she wanted her dishwasher. She was actually going to start a podcast about. It was going to be called loading the dishwasher or something about how relationships because there's a story, there's an article out there about, about, like, I think, leaving a cup on the sink or something. How?
Speaker 1:it like of the relationship, something about how relationships, because there's a story, there's an article out there about about, like, I think, leaving a cup on the sink or something how like of the relationship. Yeah, I mean, I, I and I probably, you know, if I would have been a better partner, I would have probably realized that I could have just done what she wanted me to do and loaded the dishwashers the way she wanted me to, and that by that probably wouldn't have saved our relationship, but I wouldn't have hurt. But I was stubborn. I'm like no, I'm fucking put this shit in there. But you know what, after we got divorced, I still do it the same way that clean the dishes are just as clean as anywhere before. So theory has been proven oh my gosh, that's pretty funny Shoot.
Speaker 2:Now I've put myself on the spot, I've got to think of one. They're a 10, but I've got to keep a list of the ones I already gave you. But they snore really loudly. Did I do this one?
Speaker 1:I don't know. That would definitely drop them down, but I think I snore too.
Speaker 2:So I don't know, know, have you ever recorded yourself to see if you snore? Well, I did a sleep study.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had to do a sleep study. I don't have sleep apnea because I was snoring so bad at one point. But if nobody's there, this is if a bear shits in the wood, or what is it? If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound?
Speaker 2:what if you sleep alone? Do you really snore? They're a 10, but I don't know why my mind always goes to weird bodily functions.
Speaker 1:They're a 10, but they refuse to wear anything but T-shirts and flip-flops.
Speaker 2:That's fine. I guess there's some occasions that would be a problem.
Speaker 1:Like when it's snowing. They're 10, but they like cats, not dogs.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, we've done that. No, what about?
Speaker 1:small dogs no.
Speaker 2:I'd rather a cat than a small dog, but I really don't want a cat. I feel like they ruin things. I mean, so do dogs, but no, no cats for me. I just don't like the litter box. I feel like the smell.
Speaker 1:We'll come with more next time, but I think that will grab her up.
Speaker 2:Do you have one? No, I don't have one. We need to find some other games to put one to, because I feel like it's going to be hard to keep that one going all the time. Yeah, we'll sprinkle that one in every now and then.
Speaker 1:Well, I appreciate you guys and yeah, big luau this weekend and remember to share with your friends. Subscribe, follow us on Instagram at only alone. Send us your stories. Yeah, big things are coming. This was episode 30, 31. Maybe love you all and sass watches out bye.
