Midlife Uncensored
Midlife Uncensored-Real Life Discussions from Over the Hillis the no-holds-barred podcast you didn’t know you needed. Hosted by Joel Poppert, aka Poppy—the friendly Sasquatch with an epic beard—and his fiery co-host, Emanuela Messineo, aka E, this show unapologetically dives into the chaos, comedy, and WTF moments of midlife. If you’re 35-55 and ready to embrace the rollercoaster of aging, this podcast is your new home base.
Poppy and E tackle everything from modern dating disasters in the hilarious sub-series The Love Laugh Lounge (the “festivus” of dating) to real-life shit like divorce, mental breakdowns, balding, sagging tits, and figuring out how to parent while still figuring yourself out and maybe dealing with an unhinged ex. With a blend of interview episodes and no-expert-needed banter (except when we bring on experts), these two cut through the BS and get real about midlife—no filters, no sugarcoating, just pure, unfiltered truth with a heavy dose of humor. Expect raw, relatable stories, unfiltered guidance, tough love, easy happiness, and a few episodes where the comedy comes from alcohol infused banter, because who give a fuck, right?
Whether you’re dealing with the joys of aging, trying to keep your sanity while raising kids, or attempting to find love in a sea of idiots, Midlife Uncensored has your back. Expect a few F-bombs, some belly laughs, and a whole lot of honesty as Poppy and E rip the band-aid off midlife and give you permission to thrive in this beautifully messy chapter. It's not just about surviving midlife—it's about unfucking it and owning it! This is your community; we are in it together!
Midlife Uncensored
Keeping Friendships Alive Across the Miles, Plus Buttless Chaps and Slinging Hot Dogs
Brace yourself for laughs and unexpected twists in episode 28 of The Owing Alone Podcast! We kick things off with Emanuela, or E, who regales us with her latest escapades and a hilarious gig slinging hot dogs at Home Depot and Poppy's sidesplitting stories about a quirky hypothetical of meeting potential dates while shopping at Target or daydreaming of yard work in buttless chaps in affluent neighborhoods.
Join us as we peel back the layers of maintaining long-distance friendships, sharing heartfelt personal anecdotes and practical tips. We dive into how our social circles change over time and the effort required to keep meaningful connections alive. You'll hear about the importance of meeting friends where they are in life and not making them feel guilty for infrequent communication. The conversation is filled with insights on mutual respect, genuine effort, and the beauty of longstanding bonds.
But that's not all! We'll also reveal creative ways to nurture long-distance friendships amidst a pandemic, from virtual get-togethers to thoughtful messages and cherished traditions. Learn how small gestures, like sending a meme or remembering a birthday, can make a huge difference. Plus, we reflect on the balance between socializing and personal time, with humorous tales of changing social habits and the challenge of staying up late. Of course, we couldn't forget our amazing listeners, especially those from Ireland, and we invite everyone to join us for future episodes filled with camaraderie and laughter.
How to Engage with Us
- Email us at joel@owningalonepodcast.com
- DM us on Instagram midlifeuncensored
- Follow Joel on IG jpoppert
- Follow Emanuela on IG emanuela5683 or accountability_with_e
Thanks for joining the Owning Alone community, I certainly appreciate you!
All right, all right, all right. Shout out to Matthew McConaughey my man crush, Love you, buddy, Come on the show anytime and Snoop Dogg killing it out there at the Olympics yeah brother, welcome to another episode of the Only Load Podcast, episode 28. We're halfway through the year. This is your host, poppy, the friendly Sasquatch, endeavor Colorado, and my lovely co-host, emanuela Messinaio, aka E.
Speaker 2:What's up?
Speaker 1:How y'all doing out there. Before we get started, let's make sure that we share the podcast. Give it five stars, rate us only rate us, if you can give us five stars. Follow us on Instagram at Only Alone and send us your stories, ask us your questions. What do you want us to talk about? What do you want us to address? We're here, please engage. You can email us at joelatoilyalonepodcastcom or slip into our DMs at Only Alone. We also have personal Instagram accounts if you want to get really intimate. So, emanuela, it's been a little bit of time now.
Speaker 2:How are you doing? Too long. It's been too long, too long, yeah, I've been traveling back to Florida, connecticut and New York. I had a lot of free time this weekend because you were gone. I was like damn it, When's Joel getting home?
Speaker 1:Free time. It sounds like you got back on the dating apps.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, I did. Oh yeah, spoiler alert Spoiler alert. I'm back on the dating apps.
Speaker 1:I hear that all you single men out there I don't know if I'm ready for it, but I'm here here come the dick pics. I could just see hot dogs fly into the air actually, you want to know what's happening tomorrow.
Speaker 2:I'm slinging hot dogs at home depot for an hour or two which one?
Speaker 2:the lake my the one of colfax my friend yeah, my friend has a hot dog food truck and she has a hot dog stand like she has the contract to do that at the home depot and I was like I think I was. I mentioned over the weekend when I saw her that I was back on the dating apps and I was like, actually, I also want to add in slinging hot dogs at Home Depot. I think that's going to be. I need to find a fun apron, not like the one that you have, but I need a fun apron.
Speaker 1:Mine's very honest. It says we'll cook for sex. So, if you're a single female and up in my kitchen and I'm cooking for you, the apron's coming out.
Speaker 2:The apron.
Speaker 1:The apron. The apres and the aspirin go together.
Speaker 2:The apron and the aspirin. What?
Speaker 1:You're that or my buttless chaps. You never know. You never know what you're going to get on a dinner date with me.
Speaker 2:Wait a second Are you going to do both of those at the at your next party too?
Speaker 1:I don't know, but I had to wear. I had to wear chaps the other day at my buddy's house with it because I was helping him chainsaw a bunch of. He's getting a new fence put up at his house in connecticut so we were like chainsawing all the so you wore assless chaps no, but I was envisioning myself in them. They were were like chainsaw chaps, right.
Speaker 2:So you don't cut your leg and I was like, how funny would it be if I just took my pants off and was just chainsawing with these orange chaps on.
Speaker 1:Wiener out, and he lives in Westport which is like the sixth wealthiest community in Connecticut, which is actually saying something that would be hilarious.
Speaker 2:My God Look at this fucking Sasquatch out there.
Speaker 1:Cutting zanes. I'm never been hilarious, my god. Look at this fucking sasquatch out there cutting down trees and his assless chainsaw chaps.
Speaker 2:I'm only saying all this right now is because on there, because otherwise you got to protect. Yeah, I don't want to cut my wiener off and be an.
Speaker 1:What do they call it? I've been watching game of thrones and enoch. Unic and enoch there's a term for it in the game of thrones if y'all could only see.
Speaker 2:They look on my face. They cut a lot of cocks off at Game of Thrones. Enoch's? Absolutely not.
Speaker 1:Theon of the house of the Theon, the firstborn son of the king of the iron.
Speaker 2:Are you speaking English right now?
Speaker 1:And then there was the whisperer from King's Landing.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm going down the road, all right, whatever, but the only reason.
Speaker 1:So the fucking robot, the AI that does like our podcast descriptions, is now going to pick this beginning part up, and it's going to be like E was slinging hot dogs at.
Speaker 2:Home Depot. Hey, whatever works, I will take it. I like a handyman who's out of use tools, so why not go pick them up at the home depot?
Speaker 1:yeah also this girl where could I go slaying hot dogs where females are? Um core yoga target yeah, but they're all like moms alta.
Speaker 2:Yeah, core power yoga where? Why am I stumped right now?
Speaker 1:I'm like no target yeah, target's probably not target, I think, is the equivalent that would be another good one, or I don't know I would say whole foods, but I feel like people that physically shop at whole foods suck yeah, I was thinking sprouts too and I was like no, no I could just go slain hot dogs in cherry creek you might need something better than hot dogs to attract the ladies.
Speaker 2:Now you're talking, yeah are you?
Speaker 1:here's a hot dog and some plump lips.
Speaker 2:You don't do that. It's filler in the lips, it's Botox up on the forehead.
Speaker 1:Come on, I know I've dated three girls that have owned their own legitimate businesses where they do this stuff now, and I'm like I should have just been a nurse that learned how to do filler. I think they're like killing it.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, it's a very competitive space, though I think, yeah, absolutely, um, so I am doing that tomorrow, I and how was your trip?
Speaker 1:my trip was good. The florida trip was very successful. I met with the daytona beach chamber of Commerce and the city again and we got them to. They're going to bring forward our bill and hopefully Pat. So I got the support of the city and the city attorney and the treasurer to do what I needed them to do, so I think we're going to get approval in August. I could go back in August, Met up with my uncle and his wife for yeah, for their anniversary, actually took him out to dinner at the ocean deck.
Speaker 2:That's so sweet. Um so, what day is their anniversary?
Speaker 1:um, I don't know, it's august. Whenever I was there, august 24th, something like that no, no, july 24th yeah okay and then. So that was a short trip. And then I bounced up up to Connecticut and hung out with my best friend, james, who's like my brother from another mother and his family and his daughters. He's got an 11-year-old daughter and I think Sienna is six. Just both, really good girls.
Speaker 1:He just bought a boat so he got a slip in Westport so we just boated out on the long island sound like all weekend and met some of his friends and it was just really nice like I'm very close to him and he's been married to his wife for he's been with her for 20 years, so she's like a sister to me and she's like the sweetest person. So it was just really nice like I feel like awesome you know, when you like go visit a friend and you're like which? This is going to get into our topics about our friends and long distance friendships and stuff, but just I just feel at home there, yeah like with her, with him, with his kids.
Speaker 1:So it was just really nice and, yeah, my heart's pretty full. And then I was supposed to go to New York City for a couple nights. My client got sick. I was unable to hang out with him, so I was just like I skipped that and came home a day and a half early. And here I am and just been trying to catch up, got the dogs at home taking care of Layla.
Speaker 2:Again, that seems to be how it is. Yeah, you're back and forth. Hey, that works out, though at least you guys aren't gone at the same time yeah, it's nice to have that whole dog thing going on yeah. I love it. That's all I got. I'm not really dating.
Speaker 1:I'm tempting it, but I'm not very aggressive about it right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I will. I'm definitely not being aggressive about it, but just back out there, we'll see. We'll see what happens.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, how back out there, we'll see.
Speaker 2:We'll see what happens. So, yeah, how was your week? Do you want to just jump in? Uh, my week was good. It's been, it's been busy. I have a lot of concerts coming up. Also, I have these little gnats in my house. What the fuck? Um, I put like new soil in all the plants and I'm it. These old gnats have been flying out ever since, so I probably have a problem I need to address. But whatever plants are thriving, though the gnats are too that's a problem.
Speaker 2:I know it is anyways, it's just the one that keeps coming up gross gross rude. I just say rude in your face. Okay, sorry y'all, I went to a concert up in boulder. Have you been to the chautauqua auditorium? No have you heard of it?
Speaker 2:if I can envision it, I know it's like an old converted barn up on the hillside. It's really pretty. I would highly recommend it. It's a pretty small venue, but also, if they're sold out, we discovered that you can just sit in the grass area because it's part of a park, so you can actually just sit right outside the door for free and set up a picnic and just listen to the music. So that was really nice. What else did I do? I had a couple pool days while you were gone, got together with my friend and her kids, and my old neighbor has been letting me use her pool, so she actually joined us with her grandson, I don't know. So pool time, yeah, just all the normal things and enjoying this hot summer, and I don't want it to end Normally. I'm like done with it and I'm not. I'm not done with it.
Speaker 1:I've been. I fucking love the hot weather. When I was down in Florida. I'm like I'm sold. I'm like I want to. I don't need the winter anymore. Yeah, I'm over it. I just don't like that. Like the hot here, I like the dry heat here, but boy has it been dry. It's just been dry this year. There's no rain.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's weighing on me after 20 years of in Colorado. I'm just like the monsoon has disappeared. We haven't had a solid monsoon season in at least three or four years.
Speaker 2:Air quality has been shit yeah, all right enough about that.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's dive in so today we're going to talk about long distance friendships, maintaining those friendships, expectations like how to address them and how to nurture them, and just yeah, and I think it's good timing, coming off my trip with coming and visiting my besties and in Connecticut and just sort of. Like you know, like I think that Some friendships can be very strong at long distance and some sort of fall apart over time and just sort of we're going to dive into that and dissect it.
Speaker 2:So, oh boy, here we go.
Speaker 1:Here we go.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I mean, as you get older, I think our friendship circles sort of shrink.
Speaker 2:Right yeah.
Speaker 1:Like I remember a lot of my friends. A lot of my very close friends are all from college, yeah, and another chunk of them are from high school. Not a lot of them, but if you think about the period between, like, graduating high school and graduating college, like my close friends and my friend circle were, was quite extraordinary. It's huge, right. And but we all went to different places. James went to New York. Who's now in Connecticut?
Speaker 1:which is visited. Tannen moved to. My best friend moved to, I think he stayed in Minneapolis, moved to Sioux Falls. A couple of my friends came out to Colorado with me and then they've left thus far. Some went to Europe.
Speaker 2:People like leave People move around, yeah.
Speaker 1:As that happens, that circle of, let's just say, 100 people over 20-something years starts to dwindle down for no other reason. Sometimes it's not dramatic, but there's some. There's so some sort of circumstance, I guess, that sort of like. Why does some? I guess the question is, my question to you is why do you think some stick and some don't, and what's the sort of secret there?
Speaker 2:yeah, I think so you are just describing like moving around and having like a hundred friends, and I pride myself on being able to be close to like lots of people.
Speaker 1:No, I get it.
Speaker 2:But I'm also just saying, like your point is, you have a lot of people and that would be hard to maintain. So I think if you, especially if you move away, I think it takes some extra effort to maintain those friendships. So if there's distance, those friendships, so if there's distance, there's naturally going to be like some people that that kind of weed out of your life or vice versa, just because somebody is not putting the effort in. On the flip side, I think if you stay, if you were in whatever your hometown is and everybody's like within arm's reach, like it would be very convenient to keep friendships that maybe you didn't even want that much, like that, you didn't value that much. But that's besides the point.
Speaker 2:I guess. I think what makes the friendship stick over time is just effort and what you go through and like maybe that you just connect on some big, bigger perspective, like ideas. Um, I don't know. I guess I have to think about the friendships that I have from back then and what has made some stick and some not well, I think rule number one is you got to make it easy, right?
Speaker 1:so, like what I found, particularly.
Speaker 2:I don't agree.
Speaker 1:I'm just kidding, I'm messing with you so I have a friend that I've that I was literally inseparable from first grade until he moved to Lake Mills where I grew up until we graduate high school and he went off to college in Wisconsin and I left for Minnesota and we didn't see as is is each other as much, and we still don't see each other that much now. But we, like I still consider him like my family. We have this whole history together in high school. We're very similar in some ways. We. In some ways we molded each other's lives right.
Speaker 1:We spent our whole in high school. We're very similar in some ways. In some ways we molded each other's lives right. We spent our whole, I mean literally like every day. We were best friends.
Speaker 1:His name's Joel too, but our lives sort of like they sort of separated to some extent, like we lead a little bit different lives. He's got a couple of kids. He lives in Wisconsin, he's a successful electrician and I moved out to Colorado, became a mountain man, a mountain man, blah, blah, blah. But whenever we see each other and I try to make an effort to see him at least every other time I go home to Wisconsin I prioritize my family right when I go home, but I try to go and see him or maybe spend a night at his place and we go out to the bar or whatever. We have never talked about this, but we don't ever like, we don't ever make each other feel bad for not talking on the phone for a year or blah blah. We just go back to the foundation of we love each other, we like each other, we have this history together and we just pick up where we left off and I think that's rule number one is you can't make people feel guilty for not like checking in all the time.
Speaker 1:Some people are better than others. Like there is there is a line there too where if people are really not showing up in your life like you have to make that decision. But at least for him and I, and like a lot of my other long distance friends, like we don't make each other feel guilty for not picking up the phone and blah blah, like we just we meet each other where we're at and build from there.
Speaker 1:every time we see each other and I think that's a big one, because I've lost a couple of friends, because every time I see them they make me feel guilty for not calling them, or blah, blah, blah and this and that, and I'm like, look, I don't. It goes both ways too. But I'm not a phone person. I don't like being on the phone and I can't always see you.
Speaker 2:I can't always see you, I think that's just a mismatch, then right, this goes for any kind of relationship. But you're saying, make it easy. Look, I have friendships of all different kinds and I talk to people at different levels and and there are certainly people and I have best friends for different reasons or different times of life and I love them all for all of their own special, unique things that they offer. But my best friend from junior high school and forward, she's the one I went out to see in Myrtle Beach and I was lucky enough to have other best friends that were there too, but she lives there and her and I don't talk, and actually if I call her, she thinks something's wrong. So then I have to follow that up with a I'm okay, but I want to just say hi or pick your brain on something, but there's no talk. If I want time with her and to really get her like I have to do that when I go visit her. Basically, and everybody's different Like she has kids, her time is thin, like she's.
Speaker 2:It's interesting because the other day I happened to call her and she actually picked up and whatever, we talked about something that was happening on her end and she's oh, perfect timing, right, but the thing is we talked for a while and then she's.
Speaker 2:By the way, I hope you know that the reason I don't talk a lot on the phone with you is because I have little kids that are like begging for my attention and as soon as they see the phone go to my ear, I know that I'm getting distracted by them and I don't want you to think that I'm not paying attention. So for her it it just that was really cool, but that wasn't even an issue, like I just at this point. No, that's just she doesn't have a lot of time to talk on the phone. But there's other friends that I talk to all the time and for long periods of time on the phone, or because they're long distance and we're trying to solve all the world's problems remotely, and some of them even what was cool too that I'm going to go sidetrack a little bit here, but was like through COVID so many people just even locally were doing like zoom meetings and stuff that I've started. I do that regularly with one of my friends.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, it's funny. I did that actually with my ex, my friends, the party app Remember the party app? Oh my God.
Speaker 2:It's funny. I did that actually with my ex-boyfriend because he had moved to California and I was still living in Ohio and so whenever I'd have a party he was like on the laptop because he didn't have any friends really in Californiaifornia yet so was like oh, there he is on the laptop.
Speaker 1:it was funny, but the party we started that way before. That app was so brilliant yeah I don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't know that I actually used that app, but we made it the randomest people would pop into like our group chat I love it.
Speaker 2:We did do so. I don't know that was the app I used, but anyways. So I think it's hard, I think you have to make effort and I think also, like you were going back to, I think every. It's okay for everybody to have needs, but then there is like a level where, when it doesn't align, it starts to feel like someone is needy at times and maybe it's because somebody's going through something or whatever where they just need some extra attention and they're looking for you to provide that to them. But every relationship takes effort and it's hard.
Speaker 1:You can't always give it to everybody, I think also as we get older, going back to that hundred people, or whatever it was like I think you pick those people more wisely. My, my long-distance friendships are very intentional at this point, the one that I maintain and the ones I care about. I consider almost all of these long term. All my long term friendships are basically like my family right.
Speaker 1:Yeah what I'm learning now, particularly in my sort of loneliness or being single no kids mid 40s like part of my thing right now that I have a lot of awareness around is I want to see my people more. I have the more flexibility than my people. So I'm I want to make more of an effort to go see my friends right Like my friends.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, like most of my close friends don't live here. My very close friends and my heart is so full after being in Connecticut this past weekend, like if I just did that a month if I went and met my, went and saw my friends or they could come here, like, whatever, like just once a month.
Speaker 2:That would be great. We were just talking about things that, like, what are some things that, like, you're excited about, and maybe that's something that you should add to your, to your like, calendar. It sounds like. That's like really fulfilling for you and I'm with you. Relationships are really important to me. Fulfilling for you and I'm with you, relationships are really important to me. And I was just talking to a best friend and she and I were just talking about this too. She's the same way and I think that's why, like, we have always clicked so well.
Speaker 2:But then there's also, like these times, especially with the long distance, that it can create a distance in the relationship too, and I'm really thankful I've actually just this summer, I'll say reconnected with two of those people, but I don't know that there was ever really a. There was maybe a disconnect because it wasn't the same as it used to be, but it wasn't like we had the falling out. We just went separate ways for a little bit of time and man came back. Just no time was missed and even, like, just really amazing, like I, just I'm really fulfilled by, like the friendships and the people that I have around me. Like I, one of the things that I absolutely love is like seeing people succeed and like just I don't know, I just love my people.
Speaker 2:So, you know, like I I've realized recently and this is something I've probably always known, but like really realized that it's a hot ticket item for me is like I've always wanted a family. So in my 20s it was like get married and have kids and have a family, and maybe even still a part of that was in my 30s. But at this point it's I still want the family. It's just not going to look like what I, what it was going to be before. And what's cool is like you know, I organize these like family dinners or whatever we do, like outings and stuff, and I'm creating that, whether I have a husband or not, or kids or not, or whatever.
Speaker 2:It's all about the like relationships and it is hard to do long distance, but it can definitely be done. What do you? What do you think is so? You said it needs to be easy. So what I'm taking away from what you said is that if you don't talk to each other all the time, like not having resentment around that and being able to like just pick up and run with it again Right, no time is fast and no, no anger. What else do you think is like the recipe for good long distance friendship?
Speaker 1:I mean, I think, I think that I just rambled.
Speaker 1:So I think another thing that that works for me and there are there's some friends that I talk to pretty regularly where we communicate. Um, there's a circle of my closest friends, that all that are. There's a group of us in college, right, they're all connected and sort of a of a similar friend group at least five of us and then there's other ones that are outside. I think I, when I think one of the things that I do and I don't do it as well as I could, but I, when my friends cross my mind or I'm thinking of them, I text them hey, how are you doing? Or I was thinking about you, we catch up. I'd love to chat like blah, blah, blah I, but it's not like that with all of my close long distance friends, but most of them there's.
Speaker 1:I think communication while you're not together is important, just having some awareness around what's going on in their life, and so when you do see each other, like you can pick up where you left off in most of my relationships with my long distance friends like they treat me like family which means a lot to me, which I am, I treat them like family, like I'm uncle poppy or uncle joel or I walk right into their house, I don't knock and open up their fridge and I feel comfortable enough to like that. Maybe that annoys them, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I've never really asked but myself comfortable, which brings it's all a lot of it's about your energy, right yeah and I do think there's times where things can go so long that it there is some estrangement, there's some initial estrangement even with our closest people, like you just don't know.
Speaker 1:But I take this approach and I think I take this approach with almost all people I know and human beings, that I'm just comfortable with the people that I love and I think I just spew that energy and I and I want and I communicate with them that I like, in different, in indirect ways, of let's be comfortable with each other. Nothing's off the table. This is a safe space, right, making our people feel safe with us, and that's a gift that I have and I think a lot of my friends have. But that comes with awareness, right, like understanding, meeting where they're and understanding where they're at when you meet them, and that's that's important I wanted to go into before we go into that, do you have any? Do you want to contribute to that?
Speaker 2:Just the.
Speaker 1:Do you want to reiterate, re-say your question?
Speaker 2:It was like, what's the recipe for maintaining those like long distance friendships?
Speaker 2:I think was like what are some things I think you hit the nail on the head. I think it's just mostly time and effort. I think people just want to know you're thinking about them. They want to feel supported, and that can be as quick as a text or as long as a long phone call, or a sending someone a card or, you know, remembering their birthday. You got the gnat in your face now. I told you it's gotta be that. Yeah, anyways.
Speaker 2:Or making time to like for me, especially because I don't have kids. It's really important to me that I am a part of my friend's kids' lives too, so I'm really trying to make an effort to do that. Like my friend in Myrtle Beach, she hates to travel because she has little kids and she's just become more of a homebody, and so I've committed to her to going out there once a year to make sure that I have that relationship with her kids too. And we have a tradition that started that I make them like grilled cheese sandwiches, because she thinks I make the best grilled cheese in the world and I do, but that's for another day. Yeah, that's, I'll share my.
Speaker 2:No, I won't share my technique. You have to come here and I'll make grilled cheese sandwiches, but she would always joke about like wanting a grilled cheese, and so I was like, all right, I'll come out and make it. And so I ended up teaching her daughter how to do it, and now it's just become a tradition, to the point where she tried to make a grilled cheese for them since I was there last year. She burnt them and they fired her from being able to make them burnt sandwich and she's, they always.
Speaker 2:she said her daughter tries to order them at restaurants and she's it's not good, it's not good. So they just line up. We make grilled cheese. I don't, we have like little traditions. I taught them how to make homemade pasta last year. Like we just have a good time, go to the pool. They have a pool in their backyard. So do you just you can do like little things and it doesn't even you know, require that Like I've got um, you know my really good friend here, man, her kids, they are the best. I like we did a pool day on Sunday and I like rolled up and they were out there with like their binocular and like a flag, like waving me down and it was just really it was cool.
Speaker 2:So I think it's just about effort, and that can be different for anybody. Like just for me, it's important to be a part of their lives and to make time for people, because that's what's important to me too. I don't know, that's it. Just try to think about people and do what do. It's interesting.
Speaker 2:I was going to say treat people how you want to be treated, but the reality is, what really resonates is usually treating people how they want to be treated. But I don't know, I just I always think what's something I would like and I try to offer that to other people, and then I try to think about what they're going through and what's something they would need or like. Sometimes you just have to tell someone you're thinking about them and that goes a long way. Send them a freaking meme on Instagram. Like it doesn't have to take a lot of time. If you think of someone, just be like oh man, I saw this and thought of you. It could be like a stupid emoji, or you could put your hair in a really terrible shitty. Take a stupid picture of yourself, making yourself look like you have troll hair and send it to your friends yeah.
Speaker 1:So that brings up the next thing I want to talk about is how could we be? What are some tricks or some methods to maybe do better in this regard? Like during COVID, I think we learned some really good skills about how to be with our people, remotely right, like I was doing virtual drinks. I'm such a social person that COVID drove me insane, so we had social drinks, oh yeah, all the time.
Speaker 1:We were using the party app to like basically party with each other at random. I loved that app. That whole thing was amazing.
Speaker 2:Was that the one that you could play games on it too? I didn't play games.
Speaker 1:We used it like we were doing poker once a week. The boys I got the guys from college we set it up so that we were playing virtual poker. Then we'd set up the party app On a separate screen. That was amazing, like One of us, and I know we keep talking about it. The guys and we all text. So one of the ways that we stay in contact with each other is we were doing the virtual poker, which I should set up again. We lost track of that. Everybody's been asking for it. So like once every two weeks, maybe we're playing poker. One of us needs to take the initiative. Right, swallow your pride and somebody take the initiative to set the schedule, make a standing date. Another way for us is we have a fantasy football league.
Speaker 2:And then there's a rocket texturing that goes on.
Speaker 1:So that's another way that we're kind of always staying in touch and talking shit to each other.
Speaker 2:I think the other thing is when someone mentions something to you, just pay attention, like just slow down a little bit, because I just had one of my friends was like oh, by the way, she does like a football party every year and she's my big Browns fan. I love her.
Speaker 1:Go Packers Shut up.
Speaker 2:But I she was like, anyway, she mentioned when the party was and then on a separate conversation she was like by the way, the party is this other date. I moved it and I was like, oh, and in my head I was like I didn't even make note of the original date, but at that point I was like it must be important to her because she's now brought it up a second time, enough to let and she's I know you might not be able to make it, but just FYI and like the way it was said initially was like in passing. But I'm just saying there are people that are throwing things out there without a formal invite. And if you want to do something or be there for your friends or just connect with people, there are ways to do that. And if you want to do something or be there for your friends or just connect with people, there are ways to do that. And if people mention stuff, just pay attention. Or if it's important to you, maybe just throw something out there.
Speaker 2:But be clear because, similar to like my friend who just mentioned having the party, like I didn't think that was her asking me to come initially, but then I was like oh shit, this is actually important. So I put it on my calendar because if I can make it work, I'll go, but it's also like just whatever you're spending your time on, that's your priority. If this is a priority, make it a priority, make it a point. Sit down, think about it, think about what the priorities are and put a little energy into it. It doesn't take a lot. It doesn't even require having to travel if that's not in your budget or in your time, if time doesn't allow. But you can connect with people virtually or just make a phone call or, like I said, send a card, like people love that shit I'm a female, but and give updates every week to your friends that listen to your podcast yeah, but I don't know like.
Speaker 2:The other thing is I started hosting like this halloween party and like I have friends that come out for it and people have already booked their flights. So create some traditions and have people come to you too. You know, if people know ahead of, they might try to make it. That is another technique.
Speaker 1:Throw an epic party every year and invite all your people, so, even though your friends don't live here, this podcast party that we're throwing here on August 24th, I invited all of my long-distance friends that I could think of or that crossed my mind. I should probably invite more on a whim, but I invited a handful of them the boys, the group from college, and one of them is going to come, so like I love it Super random, so you throw an epic party and then the more epic your party.
Speaker 1:If it starts getting reputation, then maybe it's a tradition.
Speaker 2:But it's also because you mentioned it. It doesn't even need to be an epic party, like you just mentioned it. And here he was like paying attention because he wants to maybe spend time with you or whatever. Oh, that sounds fun, I have a free weekend, great. Those are the things where I'm saying sometimes you just have to mention it to someone and you don't know and that, and then it yeah.
Speaker 1:I would never pressure my friends to come to something like that like a wedding or something, but like a party. I've been getting more and more back into throwing parties at my house since my divorce and I want to eventually get one that's really big, maybe next year like some sort of annual party, and then start making a tradition, like my friends out in Oregonregon they used to always do.
Speaker 2:I think it was labor day or memorial. We're gonna need to have a rotation of parties.
Speaker 1:I'm already assigning things out to people they had a big labor day party or no. It's fourth of july and I've been going on and off for a team or something, or something and we'd always there's like epic stories of the first party, of how I got into this group, but we won't go there. Let scott graves tell that story, or neil mclean, if he ever comes on. But there was we, like tube down the willamette, the will helmet river down to my buddy's house party about.
Speaker 1:I was just epic every year, do some mushrooms but yeah, be intentional, be, be spontaneous, like even if you have kids and stuff like you know, like take a weekend and go see your friend, like I don't know, like every time I do it or invite people to come to you.
Speaker 2:If you have kids and you can't go, maybe you invite people to come to you and yeah, it's like a little more difficult.
Speaker 2:You're putting ownership on people, on other people, to be like maybe you just say, look, I get it, I can't travel that much, I have kids. That's what my friend said. Just look, I'm not leaving my five mile radius, Got it, no big deal. But all the years before she had kids she was always coming to me and I was like, wait a second. Like I've been a shitty friend, like no, I got this, I'm going to come to you, it's all good.
Speaker 2:And if it's not once a year, do it every other year. Like, just make your own, whatever you can, do it, even if it's virtual. Like I think it's cool because those kids see me once a year and like they love every minute. They're like they have to show me every little thing in their room. They have to. It's all about whatever relationship you have with the parents is in the and I'm talking, I keep talking about kids. But like this is for the friendships too. But it's a reflection of how that person talks about you when you're not there too. Her kids know if she's on the phone it's either with me or like her mom. So it's just, it's cool. You just have to make a little time, and it doesn't have to be a lot of time, sometimes just an easy text message. I think we could all make.
Speaker 1:I want to make this point because I know we're all guilty of it, but I think we could all make more time. I think we could all be more intentional and we could see our people more. I think we get and again I'm just as guilty of this as everybody else and particularly probably more guilty, relatively more guilty just because I have more flexibility, but like our days are moving faster and faster and we're not getting any younger, and it's crazy to me, even my local friends that live in the mountains I only see every three to four months, and these are close friends of mine. We could all, and maybe I'll hold myself to this fire too. Every time that I go see my friends that live at a distance, I always come back with a fuller heart.
Speaker 2:These are my people.
Speaker 1:These are my family right and that's all I got right Making new friends. If you're intentional about it, maybe you make a close friend every three years, like something like that. Other than that, it's more like acquaintances right, I'm an overachiever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you are.
Speaker 1:And we don't have children, right.
Speaker 2:So, like well, I guess you, it's easier to make friends of children. Let's be honest at our age to be honest with you, but because the kids have. Yeah, all my friends have kids their friend circles are people with kids, but that's a whole nother.
Speaker 2:I think you were just saying we can be more intentional and you're right, but I don't overthink it this is also going to go into a topic that we're going to get into on another show or another episode, but I think it's also about take a second and maybe think about what your priorities are and if fostering relationships and having close relationships with your friends or your family or or whomever, if that is a priority to you, take a little bit of time and put something into it. Whatever that is, and I don't know. I'm like we were saying, like how do you connect or show that? And I don't know like it could be throw a party and invite everybody. It can be. I don't know. I'm trying to think, cause I keep saying the same thing text messages, phone calls, all that. But I really do think it's that simple.
Speaker 2:And, like I did, I had a friend, a group of girlfriends. We got off of it as the weather got warmer, but in the wintertime every Tuesday we were meeting at the driving range or top golf or whatever to just hit golf balls for an hour. Schedules were getting funky at some point, so we got away from it. But you can just set up little things, it doesn't have to even be weekly. I have another group of friends. We used to do this. We don't do it as regularly anymore either, but it's like we would do, like the last Friday of the month, a girls night. It was a book club and I derailed that. I turned it into a wine club. Oh, that's good.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think that's where most book clubs are.
Speaker 2:I think it ended when I suggested the Chelsea Handler, my Horizontal Life book.
Speaker 1:So this is again during COVID, my sister had started it and my ex-wife my wife at the time was part of it, but there was a whole group of girls that did a book club and they just drink wine virtually. So we can actually go back to the COVID roots and probably do a little bit more of the virtual stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, think about some of that stuff.
Speaker 1:One last thing I wanted to say, too, about when you see your people that are long distance also, particularly the people that are in relationships and stuff, because I see this being single is take the time to reunite your people with your family and blah blah and that situation, which is the situation I love being in, I like the uncle and I like catching up with your wives at least most of yours, and and. But also like you got to carve out time to be with your boy or your girl or whatever, like you can't. Just you got to get away and be open with your person, cause that's these are, this is your family right.
Speaker 1:And I've seen that happen a few times like where I end up in a situation where I spent the whole weekend with the family and that zero time one-on-one with the core individual, and that's annoying. That's annoying and it's not good for you and it's not good for me.
Speaker 2:It might not be in defense of the people on the other end. They might just be in a little bit of survival mode or not thinking about it, but I do think that is important and I appreciate my friends that are married with kids.
Speaker 1:I'm giving some awareness. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying. I'm just saying that's been, it's a missed opportunity.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree with you because I like both. I do really love I. There's times with one of my friends that I see her a lot and then I'm like, no, I want some like family time too, like I want to see the kids, and but I think it's a good outlet for her. I make sure that we have stuff on the calendar because I know that it gives her some relief from the family responsibilities, so it's like a good way for her to do that. But I also do enjoy getting to see the family and my friend in Myrtle Beach is always great about that. We do at least a day with the kids and some time without them. So I agree with you on that.
Speaker 1:It's a good point to make. I've told every one of my guy friends that are married and stuff that they can always use me as an excuse to to take a weekend. Just tell them that I'm struggling or I'm feeling very lonely or I'm depressed you're outing their excuse now and you gotta fucking wait to go listen to my podcast.
Speaker 2:You don't know that? No, fucking way you don't know that they're probably like I'm, you're going to visit who? Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna out.
Speaker 1:I don't think so.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, they would get a kick out of it anyway. Oh my God, you got to get away?
Speaker 1:I don't know. It's good for everybody to have. I got three bedrooms. I don't have anybody in my house. It's completely unencumbered, it's like a bachelor pad.
Speaker 2:Oh boy, it's a bachelor pad.
Speaker 1:Oh boy, except for, except for we go to bed at 9 30 over there party like it's 1999 until it's nine o'clock, how about also okay.
Speaker 2:So how about have you happy hours the nude midnight?
Speaker 1:happy hours the new midnight. I was reading today what miami's like, I don't know. I was just going down a tangent procrastinating. I was like reading what like miami to what it's like to live in miami. It sounds awful. It's like the new york thing where we don't go out until like 9 30. I'm like are you fucking kidding me?
Speaker 2:we used to go out at 10, 30 or 11 in college, though maybe a little bit after. Cop, no cop this is funny, how that changes we would go out for power hour and then like, basically in our like pajamas or whatever the hell we wore to class, and then go home, get ready and then, yeah, go out at 1030 or 11.
Speaker 1:My worst nightmare is staying out past midnight.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, Don't hang out with me. No, I'm kidding.
Speaker 1:Just having to deal with that Every now and then, every now and then, and we're not attached Every now and then.
Speaker 2:So I think I do like most of the stuff in our in the neighborhood here closes early, so yeah, annoyingly early Remember that time I was trying to watch the end of the hockey game and they closed the. They closed on me.
Speaker 1:I had to watch it through the window. That's because of the patio. They can suck a dick. Oh my God, I was watching it through the window.
Speaker 2:They at least left the TV on for me, so that was nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they needed to do better and it was like double overtime. They gave better high top seats too. All right, I think that's a good one. We were rambling.
Speaker 2:I think the moral of the story here is that we love our friends, we love our people, we love you, no matter how far away you are, and some of you and my long distance relation.
Speaker 1:Long distance, not relationships. I want nothing to do with that. Long distance friendships are very meaningful. These are the people that know us the best and extension of us.
Speaker 2:We appreciate you, and if you guys want to come out for the luau or my Halloween party, it's just an open door. So we have so many listeners it's going to be. I don't know if we're all going to fit in my house.
Speaker 1:I know, but.
Speaker 2:Halloween man it's going to be. I don't know if we're all going to fit in my house. I know.
Speaker 1:By Halloween. Man it's going to be. I'm going to have to move. Yeah, we're not inviting strangers. We love you, if you listen to us.
Speaker 2:You have to reach out to us first. Yeah, you can't. We're not. You're going to slip into our DMs. Yeah, I'm not giving out my details.
Speaker 1:There are. I mean, we do have people that we don't know listening to the podcast. I think, they all know us. You think they all know us? Uh-huh, we're just talking to our friends. Yeah, I don't know. I hope not. I mean, I appreciate that our friends are listening to the podcast. No, there's a whole bunch of people that. Have you ever looked at the locations?
Speaker 2:I have, I'm just messing.
Speaker 1:There's people in europe that listen to this I have family in europe. I'm just saying the italians huh, that's right. Are they sharing it? I want to see that go up now. All you italians out there share the podcast.
Speaker 2:There's several people in ireland that listen pretty consistently my sister-in-law is from ireland, so it's her family, okay I'm gonna have to cut this out.
Speaker 1:We want to make it sound like people just fucking with you. It's not my family over there? I'm sure it's not okay, so I put that out okay, we love you guys, we love you remember to follow us on instagram.
Speaker 1:I hope this one. We pulled this one out of a hat today. We sorry, we didn't prep very hard. Yeah, follow us on Instagram. I hope this one we pulled this one out of a hat today. We sorry, we didn't prep very hard. Yeah, follow us on Instagram at Only Alone and send us your questions and your stories, and we are advocating to do some three ways on here, so bringing on some guests. We haven't done that in a while. So if you've got a good story that is in line with the Only Alone podcast, let us know, or email us at Joel at only one podcast. We appreciate y'all and this has watched out. Bye.
