Midlife Uncensored
Midlife Uncensored-Real Life Discussions from Over the Hillis the no-holds-barred podcast you didn’t know you needed. Hosted by Joel Poppert, aka Poppy—the friendly Sasquatch with an epic beard—and his fiery co-host, Emanuela Messineo, aka E, this show unapologetically dives into the chaos, comedy, and WTF moments of midlife. If you’re 35-55 and ready to embrace the rollercoaster of aging, this podcast is your new home base.
Poppy and E tackle everything from modern dating disasters in the hilarious sub-series The Love Laugh Lounge (the “festivus” of dating) to real-life shit like divorce, mental breakdowns, balding, sagging tits, and figuring out how to parent while still figuring yourself out and maybe dealing with an unhinged ex. With a blend of interview episodes and no-expert-needed banter (except when we bring on experts), these two cut through the BS and get real about midlife—no filters, no sugarcoating, just pure, unfiltered truth with a heavy dose of humor. Expect raw, relatable stories, unfiltered guidance, tough love, easy happiness, and a few episodes where the comedy comes from alcohol infused banter, because who give a fuck, right?
Whether you’re dealing with the joys of aging, trying to keep your sanity while raising kids, or attempting to find love in a sea of idiots, Midlife Uncensored has your back. Expect a few F-bombs, some belly laughs, and a whole lot of honesty as Poppy and E rip the band-aid off midlife and give you permission to thrive in this beautifully messy chapter. It's not just about surviving midlife—it's about unfucking it and owning it! This is your community; we are in it together!
Midlife Uncensored
Is Single and Dating Really that Much Fun? And Suggestions for Solo Summer Activities!
Are you ready to reclaim your personal freedom this summer? Join us on Owning Alone as we explore the joys and challenges of single life and dating. Emanuela kicks things off by sharing her laid-back Memorial Day weekend filled with barbecues, home improvement projects, and a fun trip to Topgolf. Meanwhile, Joel recounts his adrenaline-filled adventures rafting and kayaking in Buena Vista. Together, we set the stage for a thought-provoking discussion on whether being single and dating is truly enjoyable, as well as offer creative solo summer activities to help you embrace the season with confidence.
Navigating the modern dating landscape can be a rollercoaster, especially as we age. This episode takes you on a journey from Joel's whirlwind experiences of dating over 150 women to a more introspective phase where the value of meaningful relationships becomes clearer. We tackle the importance of setting personal boundaries, avoiding game-playing, and ensuring genuine interactions in today's dating scene. Miscommunication and mismatched intentions can be frustrating, but better communication and understanding can pave the way for more fulfilling connections.
Solo travel and outdoor adventures offer unique opportunities for self-exploration and community building. We share our favorite solo activities, from cocktail classes and comedy shows to spontaneous city explorations. Joining seasonal leagues and volunteering are great ways to meet new people and build community connections. Whether you're dating yourself or planning enriching activities, this episode encourages you to embrace singlehood and find humor and joy in every stage of life. Tune in, and let's celebrate the unpredictable yet rewarding journey of navigating single life and dating.
How to Engage with Us
- Email us at joel@owningalonepodcast.com
- DM us on Instagram midlifeuncensored
- Follow Joel on IG jpoppert
- Follow Emanuela on IG emanuela5683 or accountability_with_e
Thanks for joining the Owning Alone community, I certainly appreciate you!
Hey y'all, you're listening to another episode of the Owning Alone podcast, hosted by your favorite middle-aged Sasquatch with the epic beard game, joel Popper, aka Papi Mazzalante, and Denver's very own Italian unicorn, emanuela Mezzaneo. Before we dive in here, I want to remind you guys to follow us on Instagram at Owning Alone. We want to hear from you. We want to hear from you. We want to hear your stories. Please ask us your questions. You can slip into our DMs or you can email us at joel at owningalonepodcastcom, and you can also slip into our private DMs. We both have personal accounts on Instagram too. There's also Facebook pages, but I don't think anybody fucking uses anymore, so let's not worry about that.
Speaker 1:So today we last couple episodes. We talked about married with children and getting rid of the white picket fences and to in exchange for personal freedom, and we talked a little bit about how, like, having children maybe doesn't look so fun. So this week we're going to talk about being single and dating and we're going to question does any of that look really fun either and what does that look like? And we're going to speculate on that and then we're going to go into if you're really not having fun being single and dating but you don't want to be in a relationship or whatever the fuck's happening to you. Whatever your situation is, we're going to talk about summer activities you can do solo, so we're going to go back to this topic about dating yourself and being your own plus one, or maybe even running into your Prince Charming or princess, whatever, or who's the mermaid.
Speaker 2:Ariel, you're.
Speaker 1:Ariel out of the sea in real life IRL. Here we go. So this was Manuela's topic for the week, so I'm going to let you. We can get into a little banter. How was your week? Yeah, let's do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my week was good, Pretty low key it was Memorial Week.
Speaker 1:It was. I finally figured out what it was.
Speaker 2:Okay, let's circle back.
Speaker 1:It makes sense. We're celebrating the soldiers and stuff that passed away, so it's a memorial, and then Venture's Day is to celebrate all the soldiers, anyone who was in the military. It all makes sense now that we. I can't believe I didn't know that.
Speaker 2:We could have logically thought about it. I think the fact that we had microphones in front of us, made us both freeze.
Speaker 1:I could have Googled it, but you know what? I'm an old soul, so I own my lack of knowledge. That's funny I also lost half my memory in high school and college.
Speaker 2:Hey, there's choices we make, we have to live with the repercussions of the choices we make.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:My weekend was good. I did a little. I had a barbecue with some friends, nothing big but cleaned up the roof, sold some things on Facebook Marketplace I'm like refreshing my space.
Speaker 1:It does have a purpose.
Speaker 2:Facebook does. Yeah, that's part of why I can't get rid of it. I have to sell shit on there. So I did that. Got some plants, so made a couple runs to Home Depot, to Costco and Ace Hardware, got my plants going, hit up the driving range, topgolf and what else I don't know. Just some barbecues and that sounds pretty nice. Um went for a couple walks, like just stayed in the neighborhood, nothing too crazy and it was nice down here.
Speaker 1:I think that was it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah, the weather was good. I can't think I laid out on the roof a little bit. It was not, it was just like a good weekend. It was weird because I didn't have a ton planned and so with the extra time of the weekend I was like oh God, I'm a little bored.
Speaker 1:So you get. I assume you get really tan or you're like Southern.
Speaker 2:Italian right yeah.
Speaker 1:So you've got the pigmentation and you're going to get really dark.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'll be dark real fast.
Speaker 1:I'm German, so I get a little bit of tan on my up on my one side of my arm, and my other arm is white and my head gets. I'm always like I don't have hair on my head so I'm always trying to like not get skin cancer. Yeah, and my head's the straightest way through. I spent the weekend in Buena Vista and boating so reigniting, with the boating community rafting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for those of you guys that don't know that lingo the boating community rafting yeah, as you guys don't know that lingo. So we were rafting and kayaking and partying and went to some shows, saw the cut chemist, saw cut chemist at the surf hotel and, yeah, we rafted every day and it was a wild weekend and I came home early on monday so that I could recover, nice, because I'm getting old, getting old.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I got pretty tan, I got a lot of sun, had a really good time. I rafted the numbers, I took a crew down the Browns Canyon and, yeah, just caught up with a bunch of people I haven't seen in a while.
Speaker 2:That was really nice.
Speaker 1:Um, it's, you know, and I haven't done a lot in the last year or a Denver hermit. I get out of the house and I've been enjoying Denver, but I haven't got up in the mountains much. And such a pretty drive 285 this time of year.
Speaker 1:Was the weather nice? Because, yeah, yeah, it was great. It was cool. One of us is cooler this time of year, so, like I wore a dry suit on Saturday, but we went early in the morning and the numbers is pretty shaded and the water's cold yeah, it was like 45 degrees. It's all that fresh runoff.
Speaker 2:And the water's cold. Yeah, it's like 45 degrees right now, because it's all that fresh runoff. Yeah.
Speaker 1:But Sunday was fine. I didn't wear a dry suit. Oh, that's good, it was nice. It wasn't too windy, yeah, it was great. The weather was nice, but there's still a lot of snow on the mountains. Yeah, and the sort of contrast between the green and everything starting to see the mountains because the collegiate range is so amazing. It's awesome, like literally awesome, because the base of the mountains are so low and the height all 14ers. It's just a very dramatic contrast between the skyline when you come over that pass into Buena Vista. I love it.
Speaker 2:I thought about going up because I was in Breck at the beginning of May and it snowed all week. I was like I'm not going up until at least mid end of June again. I just want to embrace the warm weather down here.
Speaker 1:It looks like it's supposed to get really warm this week.
Speaker 2:I looked at my phone today like halfway through my workday. It was like 85 degrees outside. It's getting warm already.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I leave tomorrow. I'm leaving tomorrow for the upper midwest. I'm gonna go see my family, see my niece graduate. I'm gonna go back to my hometown for a weekend and get on the lake and see some friends and then I'm gonna drive up to minneapolis and see some more friends and then I'm gonna come home nice yeah, take a mason on a little road trip. Sure she she's stoked about that she has no idea.
Speaker 2:She'll just be trying to probably hide in the basement or something. Yeah, no she loves grandma.
Speaker 1:Grandma gives her cheese, but we have a lot to unpack today, so why don't, why don't we get into it? And I'm going to again. I'm gonna let you take the lead here.
Speaker 2:So I was listening back to our episode a couple like a couple a couple episodes ago about the idea that a lot of people have, who are married and have kids, that sometimes it doesn't really look that fun, or at least it just it looks like there's just a lot on their plates and it got me thinking that, well, I don't know that what we're doing looks all that fun either.
Speaker 1:And it has its moments.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I think it's funny because there's so many people who are married that say, like God, I just would not want to have to be in the dating world today. So I don't know that any of us are really having that much fun. Maybe we are, but so it just got me thinking like, how are you doing with dating in general and are you having fun with it? And then I thought we could also go into just some ideas of like fun things to do for the summer. And yeah, that was where I came up with the topic. Yeah, no, I think it's great.
Speaker 1:I assume you're at. I'm asking you yeah.
Speaker 2:So where are you at with dating in general?
Speaker 1:Am I having fun?
Speaker 2:Are you having fun with it?
Speaker 1:So before we get into it, I want to put the disclaimer out about the whole children thing first. I'm going to take a minute here because I think I come off as, because I've had a couple of friends like oh, I didn't realize you didn't like children and blah blah. I was like I love children, I love being around children, I love your children. I wanted to have children for a very long time. I haven't completely ruled it out, but mostly I'm open to dating women with child, a child or children. Yeah, it doesn't look fun to a 43 year old to have children. That's my personal opinion. But I also am not an idiot. I can see the love, the value, the unconditional like whatever comes along with having a child. That that like having a family and being a unit, is something that is certainly missing from my life and it's probably something I'm not going to have in that regard. So, yeah, it's different, but I just want people to.
Speaker 1:But I don't want people to think I'm a fucking child hater and I don't like I absolutely like rule it out that just that ship seemed to have sailed for me at this point and now and yeah, it doesn't look fun as a 43 year old.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know that any of you all are having that much fun. I think it's a different. It's a different type.
Speaker 2:I don't know that it's meant to be. I don't know that it's meant to be fun either. It's like sometimes your career isn't always fun. Sometimes it's like a means to an end. Maybe having kids helps give someone some purpose or something. Yeah, so I don't know that it's meant to be fun, but I think my point was just as much as we're looking at them from the outside.
Speaker 1:I think the reverse is also happening. So it's time for us to look at ourselves. Yeah, we need to look at ourselves and be like are we having fun?
Speaker 1:I was having fun, so I'm at the two. Let's just say the two. So my dad died in early February, around Valentine's of 2022. And that's when I separated from Lauren and never spent another night with her. We separated, we didn't try to fix things really. We got divorced and I had a ton of fun. I had a ton of fun for two years and I was pretty popular on the apps and there was no shortage of women and I think I haven't really fully counted, but I think, if I do the math, I probably have been with 150 different women, if not more. Not with not sexually, but like I've been on a date with. I've been on a date with 150 plus individual women and it was fun. It was also exhausting. There's also times where you like how the fuck do you get in a relationship? I think that was part of that was me and I did get in a small thing. But as of recently, I'm not going to say it's not fun, but I would say that I am wholly unmotivated to date.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's not because I'm disenfranchised or I'm upset or I'm angry or I'm like I'm never going to be in a relationship. The ironic part is I think I finally am at a place where I see the value in being in a relationship again and how that might be fun to share my life with somebody and wake up next to somebody and make breakfast and dinner with somebody and have somebody to do stuff with, like more on autopilot than being my own plus one and making new friends and blah blah, and maybe all these couples in my life that I'm friends with will actually start inviting me to stuff again. But yeah, I'm. It's not that fun anymore and so I'm not doing as much of it.
Speaker 1:I have been on one date in the last two weeks. I tried to go on the second date with this girl yesterday, but I rented a truck on my way there and had to cancel, and now I'm going home for two weeks, so I won't see her again for a while, but she was great, she's like for two weeks. So I won't see her again for a while, but she was great, she's just. I'd love to see you again too. So I think I went from. I don't want to say it's not fun, but I would say that it's hard not to think that. It's hard not to believe, it's hard to believe that it's going to lead to anything ever at this point, and that's pretty feeling and I think that's the way.
Speaker 1:Maybe I mean you tell me I think that's. Maybe we follow the threads because we're half a dating podcast and I think the whole single world is pretty probably feels somewhat the same way and we're. It's not like I'm not finding people to date, it's just I'm I don't know, I don't know what it is, it's just.
Speaker 2:Something doesn't match up or whatever.
Speaker 1:It doesn't seem to register with me when I'm dating. I just assume it's going to end either after this date or three dates and that's it. And maybe that's, and I don't think that's negative. I don't feel like it's a negative thought because I'm not associated with negative it. Associating it with negative. It's not making me angry or emotional, it's just it seems to be the reality, which is why I've talked about situationships and stuff before, because I'm like that's going to be the case.
Speaker 2:Let's try to get like some sort of intimacy out of our two week bender. There you go. Yeah, I don't. I certainly don't have the answer I my style, think, is a little different than yours. I have not been on that many dates in two years, or probably in five even.
Speaker 1:That's because you go on five or ten dates with your dates.
Speaker 2:No, I don't, that's a new thing Really. The last couple years this year and last year was probably the first I've had more instances where I go out like more times with people but I'm not going out maybe on as many first dates. I used to go on a lot more first dates. I think I've just gotten better at weeding out people that maybe their pictures are old or whatever. So, like you remove some of the uncomfortable like situations where you show up and it's you're like completely not attracted to the person or something's very different than what they put on their profile. That probably was part of why I went on a lot of first dates initially.
Speaker 2:But at this point I don't know I maybe I'm more open-minded to it. But once I get, I don't want to cut things off Like before it's before it has like time to like, before there's enough time to really figure out if you can click with someone. But at the same time I don't want to waste someone's time if I'm not feeling it either. So I'll usually go. If I've gone on, say, two or three dates and I'm not sure if I'm feeling it, I'll do one more and then figure out how I'm feeling.
Speaker 1:So you're telling us your dating strategy, but I think the question was are you having fun?
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, sorry Cause I was just saying my. So my strategy is a little different, because it but that kind of consumes me. No, it kind of once I get a little further along. I like invest in the people around me, even if that's someone I'm like dating, especially if it's someone I'm dating cause I want it to lead to a relationship. So that's my intention.
Speaker 1:So so you would say that you, you want to be in a relationship.
Speaker 2:You know you want to be right, that that is my end goal, a long time ago six or seven years ago I've had some that I would say was like a real relationship, like I've had some short things here and there or whatever, but nothing I would really like say was like a relationship.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I, so for me it's fun until it's not fun, and then I need to take a break.
Speaker 2:So that's where, then, I tend to. I just know, if I'm not in a good place, like I need to just take a break and focus on myself and regroup a little bit. So that might be because, like, for example, I took almost a year off because I was just like not in a good place with work and I didn't want to bring like that negative energy into meeting someone, and I just thought who am I going to attract, like, if I'm going into it and I'm not in a good place? So same kind of thing If I've caught feelings for someone along the way, I'm just going to let that process and before I like jump into the next one. And right now I'm also looking at my schedule and it's pretty busy. I feel like it would be a little bit difficult to continue dating, and so it's just good timing for me to take a little pause so that when I am doing it, I'm having a good time, because what's the point if you're not having a good time dating?
Speaker 1:No, I agree. I want to stay on the topic of not having fun.
Speaker 1:When we talk about single and dating, we both follow the dating threads. I listen to the you Up podcast. I listen to a couple other dating podcasts too, every once in a while that one consistently but there's obviously this general consensus that dating is not fun and it's actually like the worst thing ever and there's obviously something has changed and there's all kinds of podcasts and books and topics and threads and people that you can follow to get some perspective on maybe why? Maybe it's social media, maybe it's the apps, all these things, but from your perspective, from the female perspective like what makes it not fun?
Speaker 1:yeah, what are the things that are really making people get back on the sidelines.
Speaker 2:I can at least speak to myself. And then, if I maybe think about some other examples and as I'm thinking of some recent content I've seen online too, I think if your intentions of dating aren't lined up, it could lead to maybe some games being played, or I think just in general there's like games that are played or maybe not. That that might sound negative I don't necessarily mean it that way, but sometimes people are intentionally playing games. But I do think there is a game to play to attract people and if you're not good at that or what, it might get frustrating.
Speaker 1:What kind of games?
Speaker 2:Like not responding quickly or just I don't know, like not investing more in that person than they've invested in you. And so it's just always this you know, I don't know, that's a common one that I've heard Don't invest more than what the guy has invested, or don't reach out. Let them reach out to you. Like all these like rules.
Speaker 1:We're not beyond this at this point.
Speaker 2:No, not at all. Not at all. Communication no, not at all.
Speaker 1:Not at all. Communication?
Speaker 2:No, not at all, but I try to go in genuine and just be myself, because in the end I guess then people just weed themselves out and that's also probably why I'm still single.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that a lot of you see a lot on the threads. I think a lot of this is. I don't think a lot of people are playing games. I think people are just misreading. They're not communicating and they're trying to. They're making assumptions.
Speaker 2:Yes, that is another thing. So I do think the other thing is you could both go in wanting a relationship, or that could be something that you're both looking for. That doesn't mean that just because you get along that you two are a match. So in the end I think I was reading, actually a thread today about this girl Very clearly this guy pulled back and so she was like questioning should I, what, should I do? And it was like he's clearly pulled back, but don't make assumptions, ask the question. And then she did reach out and he had blocked her and this was right after they slept together, but she had apparently also and I don't mean to laugh- feel bad because, looking from the outside, but at the same time I probably make some mistakes or do some things that someone else might laugh at too.
Speaker 2:But, yeah, that's right. But in this case she said that they had discussed that if they made it to five dates, that was when they would sleep together and that they would be exclusive at that point. So this was like a discussion ahead of time, which I thought was interesting, that it wasn't just he went on five dates slept with her and then blocked her from, just blocked her, and I was like, oh, that sucks, that just sucks.
Speaker 1:There's obviously something missing in that story.
Speaker 2:Maybe, but I'm just saying okay. But also I'm just saying how long ago was the book like women are from Mars, men are from Venus written? There has always been a disconnect, Like we don't operate the same way, we don't communicate the same way, we don't interpret things the same way, and so I think it can be very difficult. So I think one of the frustrating things, though, is that type of scenario can happen quite often, and so you then it's like when it might not be always tied to sex, but I think, if you okay, you and I both listened to Jared Freed's podcast, and he says all the time, guys will not cock block themselves, so they're not going to tell you like I'm not interested, like you know great to meet you.
Speaker 2:They're always going to leave a door open for potential down the road because they want to know that someone who thinks they're attractive is still interested in them, and then so girls are just getting let on because they just are trying to give the benefit of the doubt, or I do at times, and it's like I ask, though I'll say, something seems different, or is this do you just have a busy week or what? Like? What's going on? Like you don't want to jump to conclusions, but you do it so many times and then it's like you do start to make assumptions at some point, and then that can backfire too. So I think it's hard because you want to just leave this stuff and not play the games.
Speaker 1:I do have a comment to make about this and I've told you this offline. This happens to women more. I know it happens to women more than it happens to men and humbly, I'm guilty of it. I've done the same thing. I've never blocked a girl. I'm like, all right, I'm not on my bedpost, block men. One thing that I think women, whether they want to accept this or not, like men. We love sex and I think I've met a lot of women that love sex just as much as men and I don't think it's.
Speaker 1:But men can separate sex from all of it yeah and a lot of men, when they want to have sex will, will fake it till they make it, until they have it. There's a different line. I think men can walk, but I think it's important for women to understand that again. Like Jared Freese, we're never going to cock block ourselves and we're never not going to have sex with you when it presents itself.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it doesn't mean we want to be, we want to marry. It doesn't mean we want to be, we want to marry you. It doesn't mean we want to be in a relationship with you. I think the mistake that women sometimes make is they put sex on a pedestal and they don't communicate what they need, what their expectations are around giving themselves to a man, because a man is going to.
Speaker 1:I think cause, because it's the classic story. He fucked me and then he lost interest. And, by the way, I've had girls fuck me and lose interest too and then there's this whole chemical thing.
Speaker 1:There's an emotional thing that like it doesn't particularly like on the first or second date, where you both orgasm or have sex, and then it's just different and there's nothing, and you fucking ruined it and it doesn't always work that way and I think when it doesn't, I think when it, you can have sex in the first date or the second date, as long as those two people are very open and communicative about what it is, what it is not, and don't heavily associate the sex with the next date or how we feel about each other. Let's just do it because there's first and second date sex and there's intimate sex and they're fucking completely different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and also, if you know that you're someone that, um, that becomes very emotionally attached. With that, I think you have to figure out what boundaries you need, and it's probably not tied to a fifth date. It could be on the fifth date, it might be on the third or it may be on the 12th.
Speaker 1:That's about the worst thing you could do, but I just don't think you can give it a number is my point.
Speaker 2:I think it's like when you both just get there, you get there, and when you decide to be not, whatever the parameters are that you need. So I think it's like more about being honest with yourselves and that's more boundaries and stuff too, on whoever's side, but probably in this case more on the woman's side, of saying, okay, at least in that scenario that I gave you earlier. So I think that would be one thing. I don't know. I think for me that's probably it, because going on the dates is fun. Messaging is usually fun. There's some.
Speaker 2:You're always going to have people that aren't there for like genuine intentions, or send you a picture that like an unsolicited picture, or they're going to make comments that are annoying. But you can't weed all that out. People are people, so it's more. They're just showing you who they are and they're just solidifying that they're not a match for you. So you just move on. So I don't know for me. I just think it's once I actually am interested in someone. There can sometimes be like games going on, I think, and some of that could be because there's a million other people at your fingertips and you and I have talked about. Does anyone actually get in a relationship? Or is it just this like endless cycle of just going out on first, second or third dates and rinse, repeat, so there could be some people that are a little bit closed off? I don't know.
Speaker 1:I'm hesitant to say that it's a game, though I don't know, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I think that women associate the things that men are doing in their behavior with games way more than men associate what women are doing with games. I think that men get at some point down the line. 10% of the male population made 90% of the male population have to suffer from this stereotype of us playing games when in reality, like 90 of the things that women think, perceive our games are going on between both sexes and we have, we bear, this stereotype. At the end of the day, sometimes we just don't like, we just didn't click with the other person or I saw.
Speaker 2:do you tell someone when you feel like, when you feel like you haven't clicked with them or you're just, you're like, you know what, this isn't my match, I'm going to move on. Do you close that out? I?
Speaker 1:do but that's I do, but I and I think maybe half the men don't and I think half. I don't know how many times I've been fucking ghosted.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it feels even worse when you're the one that spent $300 on the girl and she just doesn't respond and say anything.
Speaker 2:We can go into that. I don't want to.
Speaker 1:I shake that stuff off, but I think that the perception is that males are stereotypically gamers and players and I think we are when we're younger.
Speaker 2:but the games that younger male and females play with each other are vicious male and females play with each other are vicious, and I think I'm just saying I think you just asked, like in general, why women might be frustrated or why it might not be fun, and those are really the only I think it. I called it games, but really cause I that's just how I lump it in. I don't think it's as maybe intentional, as maybe as when we were younger, but I still think if you're leading someone on and you have no intention of moving forward with them and you know that's the outcome that they want, just tell them.
Speaker 1:No. I agree, but then they wouldn't get laid.
Speaker 2:Right. And then at that point it's up to the other person to just say, okay, this isn't working.
Speaker 1:But I think the underbelly of it is men could communicate better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I'm sure that the same could be said for women in some cases too. But you asked me and I think when I'm reading things online or listening to other content, I think there is a level of a door a guy wants to leave open to potentially get laid again that they won't close with a woman, and a woman wants there to be something that comes beyond that and that's not what their intention is. So that's it. That's my. I think that's probably the most frustrating, but the actual like going on dates most of the time is pretty good. I can usually have a good time with someone. Really, you've only committed a couple hours to them on a first date, so you can have a good time with most people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I rarely not have a good time, Especially if you like sit at the bar. You can always engage the bartender or someone else to help fill in the gaps.
Speaker 1:I don't think. Maybe it's not about not being fun, as it is frustrating. It doesn't seem to lead to the objective right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think, if we're looking for, how do you date 150 women and not end?
Speaker 2:up in a relationship. That's where I'm like and that's partly on me. This isn't like. This isn't like every girl's like. I don't like, you Like this is on me too.
Speaker 2:This is my own thing, so what's not okay and I'm cause I'm if I'm not having fun with it, I'm off the apps or I'm not actively looking, so I'm like regrouping or addressing why I'm not having fun with it. So I know that you generally enjoy the process and meeting new people, but if you have to say there's something that isn't enjoyable in this process, like what's like your least favorite part of this being single or dating process- I think it's the fact that after 150 different women, there hasn't been a spark yet is frustrating.
Speaker 1:I mean, there was a one girl where we love bombed each other for four months and it was great. However, today I can honestly say the wiring in my brain has changed and is different now.
Speaker 1:I don't like the word hope or any of this stuff, but today I can honestly say I'm looking for a different outcome than post-divorce. I'm looking for something with more long-term potential. I feel like the relationships is going to surprise me. I'm very optimistic still that this person will come along when I'm least expecting it. If you don't date, you're not going to meet your person. I'm sorry, it's just not going to happen.
Speaker 2:You're not just going to bump into your fucking Is this like the story that you posted today, where it's like when you're least expecting, oh no, this is when I need to send you. You'll find the person when you least expect it, and then it like flashes over to this kid that just keeps saying bullshit.
Speaker 1:Bullshit yeah.
Speaker 2:I think the not fun thing is.
Speaker 1:I think for me I'm a little over spending my hard earned money on strangers. I think that's money is not a huge issue, it's just. I've always been frugal and grew up pretty blue collar and like money for me is I. It's still very valuable to me and I put a value on it and I don't. I'd rather spend it on myself or my friends or my family or so, like when you add all that up, 150 different women some of those were second dates we're talking 200 dates times. Let's just say 100. In two years I've spent what twenty thousand dollars on dollars, yeah, on strangers.
Speaker 2:It's a lot of money that sucks.
Speaker 1:That's a down payment on something that's it's. It would have been a lot of money I could have spent on myself. I could upgrade my house. I could have probably been a little new to audition on it's. I understand that, like we're both investing in the dating situation, I'm just saying for me, if there was the rest of it's, fun I love that's the frustrating I love getting to know them.
Speaker 1:It's the continuing to to expend resources on strangers is where I'm like at this point now, after two and a half years of dating, where I'm like I'm a little bit like I'm not disenfranchised, I'm not angry, I just I look forward to it a lot less. But that's also OK because it's allowing me to focus on my friends, my family, myself, to my career, my new business and I think for me from a male perspective.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I'm not really missing companionship. I'm pretty solid on my own right now. I definitely am a very sexual person and have a good libido still, so I would love to be a relationship, but I would also be happy just meeting someone awesome and having sex with them and maybe it'll go somewhere great.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I'm. I'll be the man that comes on here and says, yeah, like I, I'm. That's part of, that's a good chunk of the reason I'm dating right now and I'm sticking in there because I like having sex and I don't want to just waste a whole year and if it turned into a relationship, great. I think a lot of men and maybe women maybe you can speak for women like that is their, at least 50% of their objective when they're dating. And it's not creepy and it's not wrong and I'm sorry, that's just men. We have hormones, just like anybody else, and you know, in this dating world of nothing leads to a relationship. What do you want?
Speaker 2:I think you can get any end of the spectrum when it comes to women with that topic. I think that just depends I don't know Depends on the person it's worth talking about.
Speaker 1:I've definitely met women. That's their objective too, Straight up.
Speaker 2:They're like I'm not getting a relationship, a relationship you, but let's enjoy one another. There you go. Great, sir, let's do it all right. There we go. Okay, sounds good. Maybe, instead of spending all this money on first dates, we should organize a singles mixer or speed dating I did speed dating once did you like recently?
Speaker 1:in the last year oh yeah okay and um, it was fun. I fucking loved it because I get to meet all these people, but, like I didn't, there was a range between 50 something year olds and like 20 something year olds and I'm like you gotta talk to them all. And then, of course, I was a hot item with the 50-somethings and I was not as much of a hot item with the 20-somethings, and then there was nobody in between because they're all married and have kids. So it's just a reflection on what's going on.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I have a question for you, Having experienced the last two years being single. Do you how do I want to phrase this Do you wish that you were still married now?
Speaker 1:Oh, that's a serious question. I wish my marriage would have worked. I wish that we could have reconciled our differences and made it work. We both loved each other.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think we both argue we still love each other, but we're smart enough human beings to know that we're not going to reconcile our issues. But yeah. I wish my marriage would have worked and we could have figured it out and we were happy together and we had children and did the whole thing, and I had a family right now and my life was different, like after dating for two and a half years. Yeah, that would have been great.
Speaker 1:That worked out for me, but I don't envision myself not finding my person and spending the rest of life with them, Whatever that looks like. I could be alone the rest of my life and be happy. That's fine. Like my mental health isn't a good space, but I hope that's not my I hope that's not my in my cards.
Speaker 1:I think, you know they say. They say that you have to be. I think it's single. Usually people should be single or on single for half of the time they were in a relationship, after they get out of a serious relationship.
Speaker 2:So for me.
Speaker 1:I'm on two years and I'm and I can follow that progression mentally where I've gone from I'm never getting married again, I'm not having kids, I'm just going to fuck around and I'm going to travel the world and blah, blah, blah. I also realized I was like 40 something, which I'm healthy for a 40 year old, but you just don't have it in me to travel the world and fuck around that hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But I did. I dated 250 women and blah, blah, blah, and I had all these experiences and I did travel and did all this stuff. And now here I am, like two and a half years later and I'm like I can now see myself in a relationship. I'm still a little avoidant, but if you add another year and a half on that, I'm sure like I will be dating very intentionally in a year and a half'll be very much yes, I am open to be in a relationship and when the right woman comes along, I will say let's intentionally build a foundation for each other, let's figure out what works for us and let's go from there.
Speaker 1:We're very fortunate that we get to find that partner at this point in our lives without that sort of, without that sort of interference right, a lot of people our age have to build a relationship with one party not having kids, one party having kids there's an ex-person in the picture because of the kids there's all kinds of complications. We get to sort of choose and build and I'm not just gonna to make it work. I'm going to make it work because I'm going to be open and I'm going to communicate and I'm going to build a foundation and I'm going to fucking walk away when I see the things that I don't, that aren't going to work for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I will and I need. And that's discipline, that's being confident enough in yourself and being confident enough to be alone to walk away from the bad, because I can't be in another relationship that had as much friction as my ex-wife and I had in our marriage. It sucks to get divorced. It sucks to get divorced because I knew it was the right thing, but it's yeah, it sucks I was just curious, because sometimes it's that whole grass is greener, so I don't know it just.
Speaker 2:It's just a yeah, I don't look at people that are married and be like fucking jokes on you. No, I don't, I, I was just curious on your in your experience, like how you felt with that yeah thanks for sharing yeah, no, I could I threw that, I threw you a curveball you did thanks for answering that lauren, I appreciate you, yeah um, I think we've both now talked about what is not fun and dating. Should we talk about how we can make?
Speaker 1:this summer fun, yeah, what's fun or what's not fun, yeah but and I don't know, sorry what does it look like to date yourself?
Speaker 2:yeah. So I thought it'd be nice if we could talk about some things you can do yeah, date yourself, or just some of the stuff you can do with someone else too, but just some things that you could put on your calendar for the summer to enjoy your time.
Speaker 1:To all the men out there if you stop dating for three months, you'll probably save $5,000 to go to Barcelona or. Europe on your own and then go play around with a beautiful European lady and come home and you'll maybe don't come home.
Speaker 2:There you go. Yeah, solo travel is definitely on the list. I haven't really done a lot of that. Have you done much solo traveling?
Speaker 1:Not a lot internationally, but I have done solo travel, particularly domestically and a little bit internationally. I love it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I absolutely love it. I like staying in high-end hostels. Higher-end hostels with single rooms maybe you still share a bathroom, but like you can get single rooms and the hostel usually has a bar or lobby where you meet people and make friends. Everybody's there to make friends and end up doing stuff with them, and I love that. I'm planning to go to barcelona and do that here in the fall and stay in a hostel at least for half the trip and then make some friends, meet some beautiful european women maybe, and maybe never come back domestically.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I like, I love, like hiking and then I usually do an annual backpacking trip solo myself here in the mountains and I take some psychedelics with me and I go up there and just be one with the mountains and stuff, and that's a really spiritual sort of experience for me where I do, where I just I do about a week by myself after Labor Day when nobody's in the mountains, and it's just unreal.
Speaker 2:So not like a hunting trip or anything like that, just solo camping.
Speaker 1:Yeah, backpacking, so I go out and I do about 70, 80 miles um, and you get way back out there where people can't drive and the mountains are do you ever see anyone else when you're out there? Last, the last year I did it um last year I did it, I saw two people in a week. My God, one guy was doing the whole Continental Divide.
Speaker 2:Does that ever worry you if you see someone out there? This is like the woman in me. I've watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds.
Speaker 1:I mean, I did so much backpacking when I was younger, that I don't think a lot of weird stuff happens in the backcountry like that. I don't know. I can't sit there and tell you what it's like to be a woman, because I'm not. I'm a six foot five, 260 pound man, so like I don't have the same worries as some people. But I would say everybody that I run into out there is just as off as me but not creepy in any sense. They're particularly that time of year you typically run into people. I did run into one a father and son on horseback was one of the people I saw that were hunting.
Speaker 1:I think they were scouting for bull hunting. Nice, but yeah, that's a very fun thing to do. Camping by yourself is very fun. Road trips, um, yeah, I, yeah.
Speaker 2:I like that. I just thinking of solo travel. I want to touch on one of my topics here that I actually will do this here, but I also love to do this in like a new city. If I haven't planned anything, don't have a term for this, but I'll pick a place to start and then I've done this particularly at like, at bars, and or you could do it probably with like restaurants or a coffee shop or like fill in the blank. I will start at one place and then I'll have one drink or like an appetizer, and then ask the bartender where to go to next and you can give them some parameters. Like the first time I did this I was walking and or scootering, and then obviously, after a few drinks, I don't know I shouldn't be on a scooter or whatever. So then we started Ubering or just walking.
Speaker 1:Definitely go on a scooter.
Speaker 2:Yeah, obviously be safe. But it's fun because so I did this in Charleston last year with my friend we it was a last minute trip that I was joining her on, and so we didn't have anything planned. We took the water taxi across to like downtown Charleston area and then we asked the people on the ferry where we should go, and there was like a local popular bar right off the dock, so we started there and then it just went from there. We were like, okay, where should we go next? And then they're like, oh, go ask for so-and-so at this place, which was like the hotel bar at whatever place. And so we went there and then he's okay, now go to this place and ask for this guy and tell him I sent you. And so it was just like became this like super fun day and we got I don't know just like all these like fun cocktails along the way.
Speaker 2:We got some Charleston is like known for this like coconut cake at this one place. Yeah, it's really good. Do you like coconut for this? Like coconut cake at this one place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's really good. Do you like coconut?
Speaker 2:I like coconut and this is. It's a fantastic. It's actually. You get it in this hotel and randomly my ex-boyfriend's sister got married there, so that was like her wedding cake. So every time I've gone there I always go get a slice of this. It is so freaking good, but it's known there for this, or like people know of this cake around. So anyways, the hotel ended up opening a little cafe off to the side so you can go. It's like a coffee shop slash cocktail bar. They have the most amazing espresso martinis. I'll post like a little video, cause I have a video of the guy did this like huge. It was like a sugar balloon type thing, I don't know that. He like blew on top of the espresso martini and then it like pops. It's really cool. It has yeah, it's almost like gives it like a smoky effect.
Speaker 2:Yeah, anyway, so they serve the cake there and then actually the two weeks later, on Southern Charm, one of the like, one of the characters, one of the characters, one of the people from Southern Charm, was in that, in that little cafe. So that's a great way that you don't have to plan out your day and you can give bartender or server or whoever some parameters around, like how far what you're looking for, and they'll send you on your way.
Speaker 1:I join. I almost always join like a seasonal league of some sort, like either cornhole or volleyball yeah, and I always have a good experience with that. I almost always join like a seasonal league of some sort, like either cornhole or volleyball yeah, and I always have a good experience with that. And I've met people of the opposite sex that way in real life. I met girls in real life.
Speaker 2:That's the other good thing about this is, if you go out and do, some of this stuff on your own, yeah. But it's also just a great way to meet people too. So if you're tired of the dating apps just and you still want to be dating, you can go go out and meet people in real life yeah, in real life sometimes I just don't, yeah, I don't even, I don't even.
Speaker 1:It's not always my intention I did. I was doing a bunch of volunteer work for a while.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I laid off that a little bit, which I need to get back into it. That was always a good experience. I like hiking by myself. Like we said on past episodes, I tend to like going and watching the Packer games by myself at Tappenberger.
Speaker 1:That's always my favorite thing to do. I don't even invite my friends. I'm like I'm totally going by myself, I'm going to find a bar stool, because when you go to the bar a busy bar, sports bar by yourself, there's always one bar stool left somewhere and it's always like serendipitously, like between the best people, and I ended up meeting people and I got the gift of gab from my dad, so I can just I really enjoy that and I always cause I get to there's no.
Speaker 2:I love watching sports on my own.
Speaker 1:There's no, you're not invested. Right, and I think that makes it easier. It's the same thing with dating If you're dating to like, without intentions, without serious intentions there's not, you don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. It's the same thing when you walk into a bar by yourself you're not invested and you don't have any sort of expectations.
Speaker 2:If you're sitting at the bar also, you're everyone else who's there is probably watching one of the games, so you already have something in common that you can talk about, even if you're not watching the same team.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn't wear my cheese hat.
Speaker 2:Honestly, wearing some kind of sport like hat or shirt especially if it's not like the local team just around town can start up a conversation Cause, like I used to live in St Louis for a period of time, so if I see someone with a blues or Cardinals hat, I'll usually say something to them.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I think, if it's the Browns, not always ourselves now, or I think this is also just a reflection on being single. Middle age without children is like I was talking to somebody this weekend about this, that like you have to learn how to be happy and comfortable with yourself, because maybe you were less you've talked about this, but I was like forgotten. I was. I feel a little bit. I was talking to my therapist about this the other day. I was like I felt I feel like I'm trying not to harbor resentment, but I feel like I look back on that and I'm like I was a little forgotten and I was a little bit to make new friends and Mesa.
Speaker 2:Yeah and do all that stuff, not a big deal.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I did it intentionally, but yeah.
Speaker 2:It's hard. There's a reason I'm the planner, like I plan shit because I want to be around people and I want to do stuff. I've. Also, it gets a little. It's a little disheartening when you're the only one doing that. And so I've definitely gotten comfortable doing things on my own so that I can just enjoy the thing I want to do. And even if it's just on my own, I don't want to feel like, oh, if I don't have plans with someone, that I have to just sit at home. So I've started just like dating myself or doing things on my own and getting comfortable, like walking into a place on my own. I've always had some level of comfort with that.
Speaker 2:But over the years there's times that I like will talk myself out of it For whatever reason, I don't know. But I hear what you're saying and there's a lot of times that I feel like not a lot of times. There are some times that I don't know people expect me to do the planning, I think, or this is just how I feel. So expect me to do the planning If I'm not including everybody. They're upset with me, but then they're doing stuff and I'm not and there's not an invite and it's I'm not, I don't want to take that personally, but at the same time I'm like, wait a second, isn't this a two way street? So I just do my own thing at times.
Speaker 2:And also then there's times that the people that do include you or want to spend time with you that's those are your people. It doesn't. I don't have. Not everybody has to like me. I don't have to do everything with everybody. People can make plans without me, but there are times that you're like it feels like one sided and that's difficult. Yeah, so I think it's important to just make time for yourself and prioritize yourself, and that's where I just wrote down some things that I've enjoyed doing on my own that I thought were not necessarily like standard things that everybody does Like. Obviously, you can go on a hike on your own, you can go paddle boarding, you can go blah, blah, blah, do whatever.
Speaker 1:Um that comes back to dating.
Speaker 2:I mean it does, but it's also dating and activity.
Speaker 1:This is why I went on 150 dates yeah, but this is activity.
Speaker 2:Sure, it is an activity, but like, do some of this stuff on your own too, and it doesn't mean there aren't other people around you could take. Like I was looking at a sushi making class, learn how to make sushi. I could go do that on my own. Unfortunately, most cooking classes are usually a bunch of couples, so it's okay. I don't really know if I want to go do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there are certain things.
Speaker 2:So there's certain things you might if. If that makes you uncomfortable, don't do that. But like the cocktail class that I organized for our group I actually before I did that for our group, I just did that with a friend of mine the one night and that would have been a fun thing to do solo. Or there's actually there's some different guy like for at least Apple phone users, the Apple Maps stuff you can download guides in the apps. I don't, I meant to look and I forgot, but if you go into the app and you scroll down, you can go to guides. And if you go all the way to the bottom, there's things you can download for your city.
Speaker 2:That's top 10 rooftop bars in Denver, top 10 barbecue places, top restaurants in Denver with the best atmosphere or whatever, and so those. That's also a good way to find things to do around town If you want to do. I also, when my friend was just in town, we went to a comedy show and the girl next to us was there by herself. Like what an easy thing to do on your own. Like you just walk in, sit down and then the show starts. So it's not really uncomfortable to be there on your own, but that would be like another good thing to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think everything that you do by yourself. You just got to get over it.
Speaker 1:Remember that nobody actually is thinking anything about you. This is the one thing Mark Manson talks to us about this all the time. A lot of our anxiety is oh, people are going to think I'm a loser, or my date didn't show up and stood me up, and blah blah. The reality is I don't look at a solo person in a room, even when I was married, and be like, look at that fucking loser they should have. We don't give them much thought at all. If anything, after being on the other side I'd be like, yeah, you go, girl, Like way to fucking do it. And or if I see a guy by himself, I'm like you just saved 50%, Good for you.
Speaker 1:And how many times I've met people. I love the conversations without expectations. I just, I love meeting new people and I and again, if you're introverted, then then maybe you don't, maybe that's not your jam, but you can still do stuff on your own and learn how to do stuff on your own and blah, blah. I just, I always enjoy it. I. There is a hurdle. There's always an emotional hurdle to do something on your own. Even as comfortable as I am doing it, there's always still like a little bit of a I gotta push myself out the door to go to Tappenberger and watch the Packer game and I'm like wholly excited about it. But I remember that every time I do it and the more that I do it like every time it's an enjoyable experience for me.
Speaker 1:So I just lean on the fact that once you get over the emotional hurdle when you get there and that it's just like going on a date. Once you sit down and you have the first three sentences, you're comfortable unless they're weird.
Speaker 2:But and also, you can try these things and if they don't work for you, you don't have to do it again yeah that. That was part of why I created my mason needs. You is a holiday. You need a dog door for her.
Speaker 1:She's outside.
Speaker 2:I know, but does she want to come in?
Speaker 1:No, she's barking at the back gate.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:That's her life.
Speaker 2:I thought she wanted to come in. I was like just let her in.
Speaker 1:I'm in the asshole of the neighborhood. All you can hear is Mesa Shut up?
Speaker 2:And then you can hear is mesa shut up? And then you can hear her barking. My neighbors are all like that guy yeah, and then I live in a hispanic neighborhood, so I'm basically yelling table out the window. They probably I don't know they're probably like what is wrong with you, damn american?
Speaker 1:I'm the one white guy one of the few white people in my neighborhood that has a dog named after a table in Spanish.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Good job.
Speaker 1:Mesa and I yell it out the window. They're like table. What is he saying? Why is he yelling table? Anyway, they say that.
Speaker 2:No, I'm sure they're like why is he yelling table? I mean, my neighbors know me at this point.
Speaker 1:They know Mesa. I'm sure they know mesa's bar. Um yeah, so go out there, date yourself. Save some money. Don't get disenfranchised with dating single and dating. Does it really look fun?
Speaker 2:it can be, it's all relative, just like it's a, it all has its pros and cons.
Speaker 1:But if you're single and you're not having fun dating, date yourself. Take a break, make some new people Go out looking for the same sex Not in a homosexual way but I'm always super stoked when I meet a dude and we become friends, because I don't have enough. Oh, my God, I love you I don't have enough friends right now that are available to hang out, so I would be more than stoked to do that.
Speaker 2:We will come up with some other ideas throughout the summer that you can do. Maybe I'll post some on our page, some other ideas.
Speaker 1:We can ask ChatGP Is it ChatGP Fun Time?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it sure is. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do ChatGP Fun Time yeah, it sure is.
Speaker 1:Chat GDP fun time. This time we asked her to be funny Chat GDP. We asked her what's more fun single and dating or married with children. Whether being single and dating or married with children is more fun depends on individual preferences and stages of life. Let's look at both with a humorous twist.
Speaker 1:First, let's start with single and dating. Every date is like a mystery box. You never know if you're getting a romantic dick dinner or an awkward conversation about their ex or an unsolicited dick pic. You can eat cereal for dinner and nobody will judge you, except for maybe your cat, awkward conversation about their ex or an unsolicited dick pic. You can eat cereal for dinner and nobody will judge you, except for, maybe, your cat. Your friends are your family and family. Game night involves bar hopping and karaoke.
Speaker 1:Married with children, your social life revolves around play dates and PTA meetings. It's like speed dating, but with parents who are just as tired as you are. Saturday nights they're wild. You'll be lucky if you stay awake through your kid's movie marathon. Romance is finding 10 minutes alone to eat ice cream without sharing. Ultimately, both scenarios have their own unique set of joys and challenges. The fun part quote unquote is finding happiness and humor in, whatever stage you're in.
Speaker 1:Thanks, chatgdp. That was very insightful. That's it, folks. Manuela, I appreciate you and I appreciate you coming up with this topic. I think this was a good one. I think this is definitely going to save some people's lives, and that's another episode of the Only Loan Podcast. Please, we want to hear from you. Email us at dole at onlyloanpodcastcom, slip into our DMs on Instagram at owningalone, or, if you get really personal, and hit us up on our personal Instagrams. Or be that first person to send us a message on facebook. You never know, we we do bring guests on. I am also looking for guests for the love laugh lounge. Or if you're single and you want to share your grievances about dating, please email me or slip into my dms and we'll put you on the show and with that, this sasquatch is out and this unicorn is gone. See you, bye.
