Midlife Uncensored

From Overseas to American Online Dating: Relationship Coach Justine Baruch tells all in the Love Laugh Lounge

• Joel Poppert • Season 1 • Episode 15

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Ever had a laugh-out-loud moment while navigating the maze of modern dating? Justine Baruch, fresh from a twenty-year stint overseas, joins me to share just that—and so much more—in a heart-to-heart on love, rejection, and everything in-between. Crack open the complexities of re-entering the American dating scene, as she brings tales of digital courtship via Bumble and Hinge, balanced with her seasoned insights as a therapist and relationship/life coach promising an episode that's equal parts humor and wisdom.

Dating apps and delicate etiquette dances aside, we delve into the essential: setting boundaries, handling rejection with grace, and the courage to be honest in our quest for connection. Justine and I trade stories, from the dilemma of politely declining a second date to the soul-searching questions we must be brave enough to ask—and answer. Our tête-à-tête is an exploration of the intricacies of the heart, peppered with candid conversations about the maturity and emotional intelligence needed for today's relationship landscape.

Strap in for a thought-provoking journey through the intertwining paths of personal growth, spirituality, and the ever-evolving dynamics between the masculine and feminine. We tackle meaty topics like dating across differing worldviews, and the transformative power of emotional availability, all while celebrating the art of self-discovery. This episode is not just a mirror to our times, but a window into the rich tapestry of experiences that shape our search for love. Join us and maybe, just maybe, you'll find a nugget of truth to carry into your own romantic adventures.

Find Justine:
Instagram: justinebaruch
Facebook: justine.baruch
Website: justinebaruch.com

How to Engage with Us

Thanks for joining the Owning Alone community, I certainly appreciate you!

Speaker 1:

Hey all you lovely people. This is your friendly Sasquatch from Denver, colorado, and this is another episode of the Love Laugh Lounge, the festivus for dating, where we air our grievances, share our war stories and give biased dating advice that's not backed up by any data whatsoever. And I'm super excited today to be joined in the lounge by Justine Baruch, a beautiful, single 43-year-old woman who grew up in Golden, colorado, spent 20 years abroad in Thailand and India, and I'm going to let her share a little bit of her story, but I'm super jazzed to have you in the lounge.

Speaker 2:

I'm excited for this. I've enjoyed listening to your podcast and getting to taste and flavor of it as well, and and of you, so thanks for having me here.

Speaker 1:

Again, I got to remind my listeners, or just point out, that you are very beautiful girl and for all the male listeners out there she is. Last time I heard on Bumble and Hinge you have to go find her. But I'm also excited because you're my age and it's exciting to talk to people that are. You've listened to all the Love Lab lounges. Most of the women have been younger, so we can get a little bit of perspective of what it's like to date at our age and what's going on out there. And I know you're. You just came back.

Speaker 1:

When did you come back to the us christmas time, so january oh, it's very recently it's really recent, yeah, after 20 years of living abroad so you're over the jet lag, but you're like what the fuck is going on?

Speaker 2:

everything is so far away yeah, yeah I mean having lived on an island where far was 20 minutes, and now if I have to drive 20 minutes somewhere, I'm like oh, it's so close.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that's right, you were Copenhagen. How do you pronounce it, copenhagen? Did you stay on the island during the full moon parties or leave the island?

Speaker 2:

I would say, but it was on the other side of the island, but you could definitely see an influx of tourists at that time?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I did. I was there long enough to do a half moon and a full moon.

Speaker 2:

I never did a full moon.

Speaker 1:

Or not. On Koh Phangan Did we do it? No, we did we never, did, koh Phangan, we did it on Koh Samui, which was big enough in my opinion. Koh Phangan, I heard, was it's pretty full on. Yeah, it sounds like it's very rapey and all that stuff going on. That was the image I got. Anyway, I'm getting off topic here.

Speaker 2:

You're very new to the American modern dating scene. I'm new to all of it. I've I've never dated before. I've been in two long term relationships, Uh, so I never. I jumped into dating with dating apps all for the first time when I, you know, I did a little bit in November and then come January, so it's a very big learning curve.

Speaker 1:

So did you leave Thailand after? Did you get out of relationship and just leave, or was there any drama there or no?

Speaker 2:

I. I left Thailand and then I ended my relationship and I was in Bali. I was looking for a new place to live. Thailand just didn't feel like the place anymore for various reasons, even though I have property and building a house there.

Speaker 1:

But it's a wonderful place.

Speaker 2:

It is. It's a great place. I mean, you can, the food's amazing. Anyways, to stay on topic of dating, so we love going on tangents on this show.

Speaker 1:

It's just fine we're here to get to know you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

As soon as I air this, I'm sure there'll be people knocking on the door for sure.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, what was the question? What am I answering right now?

Speaker 1:

Oh, whether you like, fled Thailand to get away from a man. It doesn't sound like it.

Speaker 2:

No, we're still very good friends. We, no, we're still very good friends. We're still each other's main support system through things that we're going through. We met up several times, a couple of times after. We're still very close. It's just it doesn't make sense for us to be together anymore. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

I understand that. What else about you? What else do you want to share about yourself? What do you do for a living?

Speaker 2:

A combination of a therapist and a coach, so I help people to figure out their life or figure out their relationships. So it's interesting being a relationship coach than having ended my relationship. But there was also a lot of learning lessons that came from that as well Just honoring when it's no longer a fit and staying true to each other's paths and not compromising what each of you want.

Speaker 1:

You sound like a very healthy human. You sound like a very healthy human. I feel like a very healthy human.

Speaker 2:

I've done a lot of work on myself. I've only known you for two hours.

Speaker 1:

You seem very healthy in a lot of ways, but very mentally healthy. I always think it's a really good sign when somebody leaves a relationship amicably. It's not always possible. There's obviously some reasons, but I think that is very much a testament to a person's personality to be able to, assuming there wasn't any sort of trauma or abuse or something that two adults can realize that there's it's not working and leave Right. I think that's very healthy. But getting back to obviously this is, I've always intended for the love, laugh, knowledge to be comedy, but it always seems to be somewhere between serious and funny. Very interested in the shock that you're going through over the last four months of being back in the States one everything's probably 10 times more expensive.

Speaker 2:

Oh, god it's.

Speaker 1:

United States is the fucking United States. And then to get dropped into the modern dating situation, particularly in member, and navigating that as a single woman. And so tell me how it's been going. How are the apps going in your dating situation?

Speaker 2:

I mean, I'm approaching all of it as just kind of an adventure. It's an experience and I'm learning. So for the most part I'm having a lot of fun. I enjoyed all of my dates that I've been on. You know some of them. There's some themes that I'm seeing that I'm like, ah, okay, this isn't working for me. There's been some interesting, I would say. One of the things that I find the most that is just not something I want to return to is where the man will dominate the conversation and talk a lot about himself. There was one time when I asked a question and then he talked and we went back and forth. I'm not just going to sit there and ask a question. He answers, but we had a conversation about it for 10 minutes and then at the end of it I allow some silence, just so that it's not me constantly asking questions, and then I need to be accountable for him talking about himself, because I'm asking all the questions.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we love talking about ourselves.

Speaker 2:

So I just allowed there to be some silence and he was like so what else do you want to know about me? What other questions do you have? And that happened a couple of times.

Speaker 1:

I was like oh wow, he wouldn't even turn it back and say how about you?

Speaker 2:

so that's, I would say there. There's a strong theme there of you're not the first person to say that, even on this show. But the thing is is that the guy a guy who I'm dating, who is phenomenal. In conversation he said that he's had the same experience with women. So I wouldn't just put it on men, I would say maybe people, a lot of people, aren't great at conversing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think we've, unless maybe we should just be. We should just text each other from the other side of the table. I think people have gotten pretty good at that.

Speaker 2:

Send some emojis or gifs.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like no, I hear that a lot. I think one of the things that I typically get on my dates is the word refreshing. Right, and I'm not trying to pat myself on the back, but A I can talk a lot. I think even now that you say that we just sat on the porch for a while and I think I probably talked more and you asked me a lot of questions, which I really appreciate it. I do talking, but I try to gain awareness.

Speaker 1:

I used to be very like unaware of how much I talked right Until somebody finally pointed it out. I'm like oh yeah, I got to ask people questions. I am generally interested in people, but that's got to be super frustrating and I've had that happen before too, where I'm not able to talk at all and I noticed that right away because I love talking. So that's, I've been on the other end of that and it's frustrating, particularly on a date when you're trying to get to know somebody. Or I've been on dates with people don't know how to talk, which is also very frustrating where it's like you're continuing to ask questions and you're getting like one sentence to two sentence answers, which is really hard to fill an hour and a half long date with that type of dialogue.

Speaker 2:

Yeah Well, I found you very good at volleying back and forth. I think you ask questions and you listen and you inquire more.

Speaker 1:

Maybe I'm just self-conscious about it.

Speaker 2:

You did great.

Speaker 1:

Yay, I'm getting better. What are you? What are you looking for right now, in this stage of your dating? Are you looking for relationship number, whatever. Are you looking for situationships? Are you open to whatever? What's your approach right now?

Speaker 2:

I would say I'm learning more about what it is that I want, because the two men that I've been with were very similar, and I'm learning about what works for me. I am, in the end, looking for a relationship, but I'm not going into dating looking for the one. I'm open to the experiences that I'm having and I'm enjoying the people that I'm meeting, whether it's one date or it ends up being a couple, more than that or whatever it is. So in the end, I do want to have a relationship, potentially a family, and I am considering having a kid, if the timeline goes in that. I know I'm 43 and that's past most people's timeline, but, uh, I have a different mindset around that.

Speaker 1:

You seem very healthy, so I think you're probably okay.

Speaker 2:

I think I am.

Speaker 1:

I took care of my body for most of my life so it should be fine. You're doing a bone cleanse right now, or something I did just finish a bone broth cleanse.

Speaker 2:

yeah, that's fun.

Speaker 1:

I probably need to do a cleanse of some sort.

Speaker 2:

I can recommend some.

Speaker 1:

I've done a lot of them.

Speaker 2:

I just did a barbecue cleanse this weekend Barbecue and cocktails.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, barbecue and cocktails is my one vice. I do drinking but I gave me, like all the other stuff, I don't smoke pot anymore, hardly do mushrooms. I should do more mushrooms than mushrooms are good for you. They are. I've always enjoyed them. I just there are six hour commitment and I never can find commit to six hours of being high.

Speaker 2:

Or you can take a microdose and it's no commitment.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, even when I microdose, I still. It's still six hours before I could sleep. Um, I do them Usually. It'll catch me doing them on multi-day river trips. I enjoy it out in the woods when I'm camping or if I go backpacking, and I always microdose I rarely. I don't like being out of my mind anymore. Yeah, I hope my mom doesn't listen to this one. Whatever it's been normalized now, particularly in Denver, I have like literally branded chocolates in my refrigerator. I guess I should have offered those to you when we got here in my refrigerator. I guess I should have offered those to you when we got here.

Speaker 2:

I would have made this interesting.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I actually have a. I have a. You should join me. I have a another subset of this that I want to do, called campfire confessions, which is all premised around me, dosing everybody with tea around the campfire wherever we're camping or in my back patio there, and then diving into one topic that can go on its own weird mushroomy tangent mostly sci-fi, I think, because I'm a big sci-fi geek, but whether there's aliens or not, go, that's for another podcast. So it sounds like your approach to dating is very mature and healthy and I think let's talk about that, because I think we talked about it a little bit on the porch before we started. But I think this is a really good playbook, I think, for people to adapt in terms of dating. I think my sort of perspective is that half the people are dating with our mindset of I think the term is like casually looking for my person and then the other half is looking at.

Speaker 1:

the other half is you're not the one about what move on, and I think by taking that approach you miss out on a lot of opportunities to connect with people, both mentally and physically yeah. If I'm being really honest.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, and I would have missed out on a lot of learning about myself as well along that. If it cause you know I'm, I will be very upfront about it. If, like, I feel that this isn't something that's going to go long-term, because I know that there's not that kind of compatibility and I want a strong compatibility if I'm going to be getting into a partnership with somebody. But I've had great experiences and I've learned a lot because I've been able to stay in and explore what is available for a short term or a friends with benefits or different dynamics.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that's a great topic in itself. I wanted to do a whole episode on situationships and friends of benefits and I agree I particularly at this, at this juncture of my dating. I am, I'm in the same boat. I'm looking for, I'm open to a relationship. The bar's set high. It's going to take a little nudging and self-reflection for me to get there with even the right person, but I can be there.

Speaker 1:

I also lean back on the fact that I've been married. I'm capable being in a long-term relationship. I've given love chance before but I've enjoyed really enjoyed the date, just meeting people. I've met some wonderful women through this whole dating journey and I've had fun experiences. I unfortunately don't have any war stories because I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job of how I'm filtering people and making decisions around who to allocate my time to and who not, and it's always very vulnerable, I think, for both sides. I say this a lot on the podcast that I very much appreciate any time a woman shows up on a date with me, because I think it's a vulnerable thing for a woman to do.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but I think dating is really vulnerable for men too, especially when you're in the masculine and you're taking the initiative and you're taking the lead and you're picking the place, and so I would actually say it's the other way around.

Speaker 2:

I'm very grateful for all of you for doing it and I appreciate it very much, but I would say it's harder on the men, so it's interesting to hear your perspective around that. But I'm also a woman that I have a very strong aura hitchhiked around the world for many years, so I'm used to putting myself in situations where I'm a bit vulnerable and I don't feel very vulnerable in it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. You've done things that a lot of people haven't done, and I want to explore that a little bit, because I know you've been in relationships most of the time you've been abroad, but I'm sure you've dated. You've dated abroad, right? Not at all.

Speaker 2:

No, I really haven't ever dated In high school college. You know, you know people, you party with them, you start hooking up and then maybe it turns into something. But I never lasted more than a month or two with guys. And then my first relationship was when I was 24.

Speaker 1:

And you're doing it seems like you're doing so well. Your approach is for not ever dating. I feel like you would most people would in your position would be sitting here and being like it's a fucking disaster.

Speaker 2:

I'm never doing it again. Oh, I love it. I have a lot of people who are like, oh my God, this is so great to learn about dating through through me, because I'm having so much fun with it and I think, probably because I've got good communication skills, I've got emotional stability, I've, you know, a secure attachment style, whatever it is. So it's just kind of how I show up for life and You're showing off now attachment style, whatever it is.

Speaker 2:

So it's just kind of how I show up for life and you're showing off now all my skills as a human. So I think if you and I were talking before about, I mean, when you have a secure sense of self, you don't take all of the dating stuff so personally and you know that it's just going to happen, when whatever's going to happen, it's going to happen and you're able to show up for it and go with the flux of life a lot more easier, Absolutely, and dating is all about being able to accept rejection and communicate.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's communication. It's clear as kind Some are not so good at.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so I want to go back. I'm going to put you on the spot because we talked about this before and I think it's a good thing to talk about. So you were telling me that you Do you want to ask my question? Or go ahead. So a lot of men that like you on your date on the first date will tell you that they want to go on another date and they put you in an awkward position where you have to either reject them right there on the spot or lie to them.

Speaker 2:

Oh, it's so harsh when you say it that way. So yes, I did ask, Don't worry.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to give you credit in a second, but tell me so. Tell me from your own, out of your own mouth, experience that you're what's going on there.

Speaker 2:

Well, it's, it's a nice time, like, as I said, I've enjoyed all of my dates and then at the end they'll say, well, I've had a really nice time. Can I'd like to see you again. And that's great when somebody is that upfront and it's mutual. And but when it's not, I haven't quite figured out how to navigate that Cause I'm a very direct person. I like to be really honest and upfront. That's why I'm having a hard time with the word lie being referred to as me, but that is what it is.

Speaker 1:

It's just. I think it's a white lie and I think it's, and I will elaborate on this. I actually think it's and I will elaborate on this. I actually think it's very appropriate, particularly for a woman, to to not create drama unnecessarily with because you're playing with. You could potentially be playing with somebody that has a fragile ego and it could turn into a little bit more of a hostile situation by rejecting somebody right there under their face.

Speaker 2:

So I think, it's appropriate to.

Speaker 1:

I think it's in a like I said I think out there. I think it's inappropriate for a man or a woman to ask on the first date, after the first date, to put you in that position to have to like, not give you any time to marinate in.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that was so interesting for that to be your response of. That's inappropriate for the man to be doing that because it's it's a lot of my experiences and when it's mutual, it's nice. It's nice to have that kind of directness of I've really liked this and when I have sat with it cause I sat with this one a lot, cause it is going against my desire, my values around being honest and upfront and direct. But I just know handling the rejection like right there in the moment, just feeling into that for myself, it's easier when there's a little bit of time, it's over a text. So I just felt like it was an easier way to kind of transition out of it rather than saying no, right there. But then you also gave me some good perspectives around.

Speaker 2:

Well, somebody might kind of fire back, they might throw some insults back or they might respond in a way that's unfavorable. When I've sent men text saying, hey, this, the spark wasn't there, whatever, I've got my little thing that I say, depending upon how it goes, a lot of them won't text back, some will be okay, great, all the best. Most of them don't text back. So I feel it's better to do it a day or two later rather than in person.

Speaker 1:

But I think, think it's, I think it's fine to do that. Or you can take the medium ground and say I like to marinate on my first dates and take some time and I'll get back to you, but either way, first dates are first dates. We can't have grand expectations, and I say this all the time and I can't take credit for this. It really comes from some of the perspective I got from Mark Manson's book Models. It's all about rejection. Rejection is a good thing. Rejection tells us the quicker we can get to either acceptance or rejection, the less we're wasting our time in the unknown or the friend zone or wherever the fuck we go in that regard, so it's good.

Speaker 1:

And for anybody that's out there, particularly dating in the modern world that we live in, which is all online, I've met women in real life, but they still. It's still the same dynamic as it is online. So even though you met them in real life, they're still the same sort of ADHD. They're there, they're not there. They're interested, they're not interested. Their same sort of dynamic exists when we meet people in real life versus online, because most of the people that you meet in real life are also online. Does that make sense?

Speaker 2:

No.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

I'm not following.

Speaker 1:

So the idea that we meet somebody in real life, we think the experience is more authentic or whatever it is which maybe it is we met them in real life and you can feel there's a chemistry but they're still being influenced by the online noise, if you will. That's influencing their decisions whether they're going to go on a second date with you, whether they're going to get sick before a date or whatever it is.

Speaker 1:

It's not some special situation, except for maybe, if you miraculously end up getting married, you can tell everybody at your wedding that you met at the museum, whatever lobby. Most people were meeting online. There's nothing wrong with that. That was a tangent. I was going on because I've met girls in real life, gone on dates with them and the noise was the same. I guess I'm just saying that the experience I've had with the modern dating experience is very, it's very whackable. It's very it's not sticky. I think when we were younger and dating in our 20s, dating was more sticky. It wasn't as much noise. It was like you met somebody, you liked them and you tended to date for a while.

Speaker 2:

It's not as sticky. There's a quick turnover rate?

Speaker 1:

yeah, it's. I went on a date, had a really great date, squirrel and it's like.

Speaker 2:

It's like oh, but there's so many other things here, this isn't matching.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, okay, I understand what you're saying like quick, you can be like whoa and it's, and that's where I think that you have to be a little bit, you have to have a little bit awareness around. I'm starting to figure it out now as I'm getting more towards it to be in a relationship if it presents itself where I'm like okay, I'm dating, like two women right now that are like pretty promising and let's not add a third, or maybe it's just one and it's okay. It's not like I'm trying to fast track to a relationship. It's just maybe it's okay to turn this, turn the pause the apps and just turn the noise off so that I can give a little bit of attention to this person. Not like I'm trying to again not trying to fast track to exclusivity or relationship. It's just turn the noise off for a second and if we next week we're not together or not dating, then it's easy enough to unpause the apps, there's always another one in line.

Speaker 1:

That's been my experience. So I'm trying to be a little bit more intentional about not, because, I'm going to admit it, I get the same doping kick that people get from social media. Off the fucking dating apps too. If I match with a girl, it's whoop.

Speaker 2:

There's the doping going to our brains work, it's. It's that way for everybody, I think. And I think, I mean I think it's good to pause it a little bit and to just to give space for what's there. I mean, when I first started dating and I didn't know how all of this works and how quick the turnaround was, I would have a handful of guys and then one week later I was not having them, for whatever reasons. That happened, and so it was interesting to watch how quick that would shift and change, whether it's in conversation or it's men that I'm meeting in person. It was also interesting for me to see cause. I just figured okay, so everybody dates multiple people, that's how it goes. Like I'm not going to get exclusive with a guy right now, Like I want.

Speaker 1:

Well, there's nothing wrong with that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, well, I've had a fair amount of men on the second date that are saying that want exclusivity and I was like, on a second date, yeah.

Speaker 1:

That's crazy shit.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so I. It's not appropriate either, are these men they're they're going to get it together.

Speaker 1:

Life is sad for them. No, I think that they sad, sad men. I'm just kidding.

Speaker 2:

No, I think people have their preferences.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's their egos. They're like I don't want you. They don't want to think about the person that they're dating, Like I don't even think you're dating at a second, At a second Well, I mean, that's where I'm kind of at at this point as well.

Speaker 2:

I was like well, you know, when there is a good match, I'll definitely put more energy into that, but put more energy into that. But now I see a lot can change between date two, three and and four, and so it's something that I want to give space to. I'm not going to go be exclusive with somebody. After you know, I've been into very long-term relationships. I'm learning and exploring and seeing what's out there and I'm learning about myself and what I match with and what I don't.

Speaker 1:

And it's not appropriate to ask somebody to not date on a second date. I don't even know. I mean, everybody has their, I guess, their numbers or whatever, but it's not really an another's game. It's like when do you even say you're dating somebody? Because I don't. Just because you're going on a date with somebody, a first or second date, I don't think you're even really dating per se, like you, if it's a verb.

Speaker 1:

But to me, to be like hey, I'm dating I, I think four, five dates is when you're like, yeah, I'm dating somebody, when I'm, and then you go to the I'm exclusive with somebody and then your relationship with somebody. Those are the phases I see, and exclusivity doesn't come in the first five dates. It doesn't come in the first five dates, it doesn't come in the first 10 dates. I do think that you can have the conversation about sex when you're having sex with somebody. If somebody is like I would appreciate it to know if you're having sex with somebody else, I think that's okay. That's somebody's decision whether or not they want to know if they're being exposed to somebody else's, but that doesn't call for exclusivity. Sure, if they're being exposed to somebody else's, but that doesn't call for exclusivity, that calls for.

Speaker 1:

You need to be candid with whether you're sleeping with somebody else, which I think is fair yeah, I I like to have a talk before I become intimate with somebody.

Speaker 2:

it's under the acronym rdbsm, have you heard of this? So it's rb, r-b-s-m, so it's relational desire boundaries.

Speaker 1:

Sounds kinky.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, there's some letters in there and I think that's what they're playing off of. But it's great. I love it because it just gets everything out on the table. So it's relational desire, boundaries, safe sex, meaning, slash, aftercare. So the relational is just is anybody else going to be impacted by us being intimate together? And so sometimes that could bring up well, yeah, there's somebody that I'm dating pretty seriously, but that's where I'll say I'm dating other people and what you know, are you dating other people? Are you intimate with other people? Where's that at? And then desire is like what is it that you want? And that can be really helpful as well, because then you just put it all on the table and you know what the other person's wanting and their expectations.

Speaker 2:

Boundaries Is there anything that you don't like? Or what are certain boundaries? People have different things. It's been interesting to hear that and save sex and fertility. And then meaning and aftercare Like what does it mean to you if we're going to make love or be intimate together and how do you like to be taken care of afterwards? Do you like to cuddle? Do you like texting? Do you want to? Do you need to see each other soon after? Whatever it is people have different answers.

Speaker 1:

Do you need me to call you an Uber afterwards?

Speaker 1:

No, I like that actually I do like that. I've never really, I don't know like I've been pretty much a one to date wonder. Um, there's one girl I've been on like four dates with recently, which is promising, because I'm turning the noise off, right, I can spend a little bit more time, um, and it's very wavy, but I've never shy. I never shy away from answering questions Honestly. Don't also ask me things you don't want to know, particularly on the first couple of dates. But I don't lie to people. I try to be honest if people ask me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I got in trouble when I first got separated, when I separated from my ex wife, where I didn't know how to deal with the divorce thing, and the divorce thing became a stigma and I didn't know. And every date I ended up talking about my divorce, talking about my ex wife, and I was like so I started lying about it, not like intentionally, but when people would ask be like I'm divorced and I wasn't divorced yet, and I got caught in it with the girl that I was in a relation I would call it a relationship. The girl the only one I've been in in two years I let it go because it was on the second date where I lied about it, said I was divorced, and then fast forward like two and a half months. I came clean and, to be honest with you, that's probably that was probably the poison pill that deteriorated the rest of the thing.

Speaker 1:

And a month later done. I'm not gonna put it all on that and that was a big lesson for me and I didn't. I felt icky about it and I just I don't like lying period yeah sometimes white lies and stuff are okay. I think if you're protecting other people from as long as it's not hurting anybody and it's not hurting anybody and it's not going to be a poison pill, it's probably okay. But then again, don't ask questions you don't want to answer on the first or second date.

Speaker 2:

I think that's a good thing in life. In a relationship, I learned that in my relationship I don't ask questions that you don't want the answer to. I think that happens all the time in relationships. It's like you ask a question, then you get upset with the partner for the answer that they gave, but then you don't allow for an environment of authenticity and honesty. So I think a lot of people are in partnerships in that it's not just dating.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think that's good advice for everybody. I had something I was going to say. I lost it for a second. So no war stories at all, huh.

Speaker 2:

Not really. I for a second. So no war stories at all, not really. I mean, I can tell you like things that I like that men have done and things that I don't like, but I don't I don't have any war stories.

Speaker 1:

I've you have been dating for four months. You'll have them. You'll come back for just my god I don't think so.

Speaker 2:

I mean, I'm a woman, that's pretty like I've. I've got good boundaries, I've got clear communication. I don't see how I would get into a war story necessarily.

Speaker 1:

No, you shouldn't either, particularly at our age. We should be better at that. I feel like those typically come. All of my war stories for the most part are in my past, before even I got married. I've had a couple things happen to me in the last two years. That aren't really war stories, but they were eye openers, but they weren't like they're not super dramatic. Yeah Well, particularly relative to some of the ones like there's this sort of classic underbelly of dating of married men on the apps and you know the ego stuff or, god forbid, abuse. But there's also the funny ones. There's episode two where a guy asked her whether she could make right off the bat, was super rude to her, asked if she could make D1 babies or if she has the genes to make D1 babies for him and all this stuff like on the first date and just like crazy shit that I don't know who these people are. But you don't treat women like that.

Speaker 2:

I have one guy who was texting some pretty sexual stuff before we even met and at one point, like after, I would pull back and not really engage. And then he would message later on in a fun, casual way and I enjoyed some of the other aspects of him and then I just said you know what are we're not resonating here, like I think let's, let's cut this communication at this point because, like I'm fine to explore and test the boundaries sexually through texting and stuff. But I appreciate it when a guy tests and he plays with it and then he checks in hey, was that okay? Because I like it when a guy is taking the lead and he's initiating and he is taking that step and just seeing what's there. But I like it when he does it in a way where he's attuned to me and he's feeling me, and that's hard to do over text.

Speaker 1:

So if he checks in and he says is that these are people you haven't even met yet, or that you've been on like one date with or I'm thinking of some that I haven't met yet.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

That's just. That's throwing shit against the wall, right, that's the classic. Like he's probably got five other girls he's sending sexual texts to and just seeing if one one he gets there.

Speaker 2:

It's like let's go.

Speaker 1:

It was innocent, but I've had recently twice all of a sudden and I'm not saying it happens all the time, but I've had on two occasions in the last month a girl texts me asking me how big I was. Like how do you, what do you? I didn't respond to it, right, I don't think it's appropriate, I let it go. I'm just, but I get it's just weird, it's I don't. My response really should be like why don't you come over and find out?

Speaker 1:

Like I don't, I'm not going to be like you know, it's above average in circumference and 12 inches long. And it'll probably hurt you, because I'm not delicate and isn't every man going to tell you that his penis is bigger than the next guy's? Come on, you're not going to get an honest answer anyway.

Speaker 2:

So, like I just thought it was awkward, yeah, not a fan, but interesting to hear that women are doing that yeah and again I don't think it's regular.

Speaker 1:

It just happened twice in the last month from two different women. One woman I hadn't met and we're not gonna meet, not because of that text, but that was the girl that I told you that I went down the pen pal thing with too far and that's where it got to. She asked me if I was into tantra and all this stuff. I'm like you're really horny, like you should just go fuck somebody. No, I'm. I don't do tantra, but I consider myself pretty reasonable in bed. I've never known that. I've had a lot of complaints there, but I'm not going to tell you I'm God's gift to women, because that would just be like. It doesn't always fire with every girl. We don't always have the best sex with everybody. That's not the way it works. Anyway, but if anybody's wondering, yes, I'm a God in bed, it's great. My penis is like massive. It like fills the room. It has its own little pocket in my pants. Seriously, what the fuck.

Speaker 2:

That's where we went. I thought that was interesting. You know, back to the the conversation I I like it when a guy jumps right into having more meaningful questions and not just asking me about my day, and that there are more personal, meaningful questions of what are you looking for? One guy asked what's a deal breaker for you and, you know, just trying to figure these things out Are we compatible or not early on. So I do appreciate the more meaningful conversations, but those questions are not in the more meaningful area, but I they. They are important for them and if somebody is looking for somebody with the sexual continence or certain thing, then I guess maybe go to Tinder or a different site.

Speaker 1:

Fair enough yeah.

Speaker 2:

Or have that on on your profile.

Speaker 1:

This is what I'm looking for I don't know if I want to put that on public, I might. Uh. Anyway, enough about dicks. Uh, what are your deal breakers?

Speaker 2:

Anyway, enough about dicks.

Speaker 1:

What are your?

Speaker 2:

deal breakers. What are my deal breakers? I mean, before I was saying that I wanted somebody who wanted to have a kid, and that's a little different right now. It's changed in the last couple of months, like if I have a kid, I have a kid, if I don't, I don't, don't want to date a smoker.

Speaker 1:

Those are hard to find these days, particularly in Colorado.

Speaker 2:

Yeah great, those are hard to find these days, particularly in Colorado. Yeah great, I don't usually have to even speak to it.

Speaker 1:

I mean, if somebody says they smoke, smoke socially, then I don't want to date a smoker either, and I was a smoker for a long time, which is part of the reason I don't want to date a smoker.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah um, somebody's got to have their shit together like I've got my shit together. I want somebody who, if they're in their 40s, they've got my shit together. I want somebody who, if they're in their forties, they've got some financial stability. They um.

Speaker 1:

Oh, these are all too easy. You know what they're doing. Give me your weird. What are your weird things?

Speaker 2:

Like what are the weird?

Speaker 1:

like is there there's something you really like, something unique that really is a bonus, and or are there any? Is there something really like weird? That's your like, your ick, like they call them icks now, like that Ick Like man. That's like I don't want that.

Speaker 2:

I know my answer. Yeah, I know your answer.

Speaker 1:

My dog's in the bathroom downstairs.

Speaker 2:

Poor little thing.

Speaker 1:

Layla doesn't give a shit, she's just.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's fun. I sexual chemistry and compatibility. Like I want somebody who enjoys making love and and is going to invest in and explore that like I've had very good sex in my last relationship, so that's something that if somebody, it needs to be something that somebody's invested in they like doing, they want to do not generally going to lead with that in a conversation, but it it has come up. I I mean one of the guys when I sound error.

Speaker 2:

I need somebody who likes to have sex. I mean I think it's an important part of a relationship. I mean sex and communication, both.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I agree.

Speaker 2:

And not somebody who's done some inner work on themselves as well, like if it looks like I'm talking to somebody who's just going to the bars and watching sports, great, but it's just not going to be somebody that I'm going to have a long-term compatibility with. And so I have spoken to that a couple of times. Like you know, I've done a lot of work on myself, or have you explored the realm of personal development to some degree and just to see if it's worth meeting up, if I felt like somebody didn't have that there.

Speaker 1:

I've. I'm in the same boat. Like mental health is a big thing for me Having a good relation, having a healthy relationship with yourself, which is really the cornerstone of owning alone. The main podcast is like encouraging people to the whole. The meaning behind that was to own yourself right To be. If you have a good relationship with yourself, you should be happy alone, and it's like the thing not to maintain loneliness and be alone was the idea that, like I believe very much in the cliche of if you don't have a good relationship with yourself, you have no business being in another, being one with other people yeah, like looking for somebody to compliment you, not complete you yeah, I think most people spend their time getting into relationships because they don't have healthy relationships with themselves.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so they're looking for somebody else to fill the void. That was something that I was exploring with a guy that I really connected with. We're both not wanting to be. Sometimes guys will be like oh, you're a unicorn Because I've lived a bit of a different kind of life than a lot of people here. Unicorn because I've lived a bit of a different kind of life than I get a lot of people here and so then looking for somebody else to bring that magic into your life, rather than it already your life already being full, I think, is something that I might have a little bit of a an aversion to. If somebody starts to look and they don't find that in their own life and their own excitement they're not enthusiastic about their own life to, in some areas at least.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, I get that for sure.

Speaker 2:

I mean, you do have you have a really.

Speaker 1:

I'm really interested in peeling back that onion, not just not fully on this podcast we're probably only another 20 minutes but as an as a person just meeting you, I'm sure you have all kinds of stories. You're very held together like. You're very like interesting, you give off really good energy. I'm blown away that you're like you're back in the States and you're like dating with the right perspective, where, like most people don't even most people don't date with good perspective period. But to come back to the States after being in a relationship, throwing yourself online and having never done that and doing it in such a healthy way, is it's an under, it's an understatement of how unique that is. It's an understatement of how unique that is, I think, for an individual. So I think it says a lot for who you are and the work you've done for yourself. Or maybe you're just born that way, I don't know. But this is the age, I think, where people our age is where people either continue down those road they've been walking down their whole life and never figure out, never gain this healthy perspective and approach to life, or they do the work, they get the perspective, they ditch the fucks that shouldn't be given and walk through life with this perspective that allows them just to be very help, like, very happy, healthy, to give back to people, to give people to be open to a healthy relationship and be wonderful human beings. We saw it when we were younger, right. I always remember these people, older people in our lives that had they just seemed to not give a fuck. You know, it's such a beautiful way, right, but they were, when you talk to them, you really like had.

Speaker 1:

I remember having these conversations in my twenties with people that were like in their fifties, maybe mid forties. At the time I don't remember exactly how old they were, but they were just so wise. They were just like, so wise in their perspective. I was like, how do you not give a fuck about that? I'd give so many fucks about this. And then fast forward to myself now and the people that I surround myself with. You get to this place where it doesn't matter. And that's where I'm trying to tie this back into dating, where I feel like dating has been so fun because I'm going into it without any expectations, except for I want to know you In this one hour you're giving me, except for I want to know you in this one hour you're giving me in a very comfortable, beautiful way. I want to get to know you, who, the person, the human that you are, and I put out an energy that, like, is very welcoming, I think, and and secure right. I'm a safe place for you to share whatever you want to share safe, kind, attentive, empathetic.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think it's. It's easy to have a conversation with you, but I I felt that from you early on with with just texting, you're like you're very up front, you're very direct, like do you want to? Do you want to get together? And I think that that it's. And then, as I said before, in conversation you're also very attentive and inquisitive, which is nice. It's nice when somebody asks questions and actually like bounces back the answer and it doesn't just like the first answer doesn't just doesn't fall flat Like we were talking about. Some people can't actually like volley in a conversation.

Speaker 1:

The yes, no people, maybe, yes, no, maybe it's a worse, like pulling or like a one sentence thing.

Speaker 2:

I mean I'm pretty good Cause when I would hitchhike. The longer I can keep the person talking, the more they keep me in their car sometimes. So it served me to learn some conversational skills. So I can, I can keep any.

Speaker 1:

Charlie Manson experiences.

Speaker 2:

No, no. I had amazing experiences hitchhiking Like people. They take me home with them cause I would have them. You know, leave me at the this park. I'm going to camp for the night cause I'm doing a two, three day trip. Nobody ever did. They always took me home, even in the states. People like why don't you come back to my place? You can, I'll feed you and then you can go on your way oh, that's awesome yeah, and people get back to that.

Speaker 1:

We need to like we've traded so much drama.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, there's bad people, there's always been bad people out there, but I think, I still believe that most people are good I've had experiences with such amazing kind people and I think also because I'm a woman, people would pick me up really fast because they're scared something bad would happen to me. It was one time when I was in kawaii, my went and hiked the kalalau valley and my friend came back and he was going to hitch into town to get some coffee and I was okay, I'm gonna do a meditation on the beach, I'll be there in an hour. When I went to go hitch he was still standing on the street. I was like what is going on? He's like no one's picking me up. I was like, can you just go to the side? In five minutes I had a ride for us. So I think it's as a woman it's very easy to be taken care of.

Speaker 1:

It's also. Those are the fringes. I think those are the things we think about when we see somebody hitchhiking or what have you, but for the most part, people are good yeah. And I still generally think most people are good. It's just we just created a lot of narratives that, yes, they happen, but we should still pitch up and pick up hitchhikers. Now some just look I'm not picking you up but, like, for the most part, I've done it, I've picked up hitchhikers and I've had interesting experiences too in that regard. It's very interesting.

Speaker 1:

You have a very you have a very interesting story and I'm sure you're super fun to date. I think it's probably a. I'm sure there's a reason why every man's asking you out on a second date and putting you in that awkward position after the first date not every man we're not all 100%, whether we're unicorns or not yeah.

Speaker 1:

I had a date the other day where it was pretty clear we weren't going on a second, so I didn't ask and she didn't either. It wasn't an awkward date, it was just. We walked around Sloan's Lake and it was a little bit pulling teeth and we came from different worlds, very different worlds.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Blue collar, white collar type of brains, like extreme. And that was our conversation was very, it was different, it was respectful.

Speaker 2:

but you can just tell sometimes you're like yep, that's not there Didn't even need to ghost, we're just yeah I had one date where a guy was. He was saying you know, I can't handle those people that talk about energy, and I was like I'm one of those people. I was like I also have an aversion to all of the fluff, like I I feel like I'm a woo person, not a woo woo because I I believe in some things, but I also am really grounded. So that was an interesting date that we went on because like, like your personal, your aura.

Speaker 2:

Oh he just doesn't like it when somebody uses the word energy he's. He's was much more science-based, so another deal breaker I have is I'm not dating atheist.

Speaker 1:

Those haven't gone so well atheist yeah, just it's a different mindset oh, I agree, I feel the same way. So I'm agnostic. I was raised from moravian, like the very liberal sort of religion, but I believe that I don't believe in any sort of absolutism. I'm a scientist, I have a physics degree, I'm very sci-fi. I have a problem with people pushing their religion on people so I stay agnostic because, like how the fuck would I know?

Speaker 1:

what I know about science is that there's a whole hell of a lot of things that we don't know, and maybe we weren't supposed to know. I have my own beliefs about all kinds of things when it comes to spirituality and religion, but I would never tell anybody they're right or wrong, and atheism is just the same as catholic or anything else is. Because you're telling people there is no God and they're very righteous about it too. I can understand why you have an issue with that.

Speaker 1:

Well, I mean to me or the healthy people they're like. You know what? I'm not going to tell you anything because I don't fucking know. Like, again, it goes back to the giving less fucks, where fuck shouldn't be given, you know?

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Cause I don't fuck, shouldn't be given, you know? Yeah, because I don't to be honest with you, I could care less about religion, yeah, except for I try to understand it from the perspective of how it dictates human interaction globally, you know yeah, yeah because it's definitely caused a lot of problems I went on yes, I went on some dates where somebody had atheists and spirituals like that's interesting, what's there?

Speaker 2:

and I and I even asked about it before we went on date one guy it didn't work and we didn't go on the date. But for the other guy it was some interesting conversations. And you know, at our on our first date we got into like some debate. I was like I don't know how well does this thing go? But there was a good chemistry, so we explored it anyways. But in the end a different mindset was was what made it not go further? So then I was like I think it's better just not to date somebody who has atheists in their profile. It's not not resonating with me it's the absolute.

Speaker 1:

I don't. It's funny because people that don't know, new Joel, I used to be very liberal, very politically charged, very. It used to bother me all of it. The Trumps, all that stuff like it used to just get me going and I carried the end of the world. That's why I moved on to costa rica. I was like I'm getting out of america, blah, blah, this place is fucked, drop, and it to the point where it gave me so much anxiety and again, when my dad died and all this introspective and all this stuff just stopped, that was the first thing I got rid of. All of it, all of the politics.

Speaker 1:

Now, mind you, I vote, I do my research and I vote for who I vote for, and I keep it to myself. I'll have a conversation about politics, as long as it's an above-the-line, intelligent conversation with a practical human being. I enjoy talking about anything like any sort of conversation, but I don't do politics and I don't do. The world is ending, blah, blah, blah. Now would I be compatible with a Trump supporting gunslinging right-wing conservative? Probably not, for a lot of reasons, but in the same regard, I wouldn't probably do well with an uber left-wing liberal, because I want to be more pragmatic about my decisions, and I also understand that the world is much more complicated than we boil it down to and that I believe all human beings have the ability to change and find a new road or take different paths. Change and find a new road or take different paths, even though we think everybody's moving in the wrong direction. I actually think that the ship might be coming back to have you read the book Ishmael.

Speaker 2:

No, I haven't.

Speaker 1:

You'd like Ishmael?

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I don't even know you that well, but I know you'd like Ishmael.

Speaker 2:

What do you think I'd like about it?

Speaker 1:

Really interesting perspective. It's written. Daniel Quinninn wrote it. He wrote ishmael, my ishmael and the story of b. They're all very similar. You could read all. You could read one of the three and you get the same story. It's narrated by an intelligent speaking gorilla that talks about the change from the agricultural revolution 10 years ago in human change to where we need to go, and he talks about how the world, how humans, society, needs to change, but it can't go back to where it was, so it needs to find a solution that involves practicability and the technologies and all the things. We can't just say, hey, let's turn off all our phones and our TVs and blah, blah, blah and go back to the way it was to save the planet. We have to be practical. It's just like a super wise gorilla and it's a very interesting book. It was like my Bible when I was in my 20s.

Speaker 2:

It very much impacted me to be like read that yeah, I mean I, I think you know around technology, around the adhd dating, as you were saying, but I think there's also more emotional intelligence and personal development that's happening out there. Sometimes people take it a little too far and they get to be a little too precious and sensitive, and so it's about also being a bit grounded in that and then I would also say in masculine and feminine dynamics. Like that was something that was really present in our parents' generation and then it went full on into the feminist, independent, 50, 50. And then I mean I love masculine and feminine dynamics and I think bringing being able to bring that back. So I think that we can look at we are moving in the right direction. I like to think so.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I agree too.

Speaker 2:

In all of the areas, but it's about being intentional about what we want and then living accordingly to our values.

Speaker 1:

I think we're redefining this generation's, redefining the common ground between equality and masculinity and femininity, right Like the, because I think at one point we got to this place where it was like everything needs to be equal, and then I think now we're realizing we can create equality but also enjoy the beauty of masculinity and femininity.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, like we're, we can equally value both without making it the same. Yeah, like men and women are not the same, we are so not the same.

Speaker 2:

And there's exceptions to that, like there, there are very feminine men and there's very masculine women. But I think also in that of just like really understanding our differences and allowing those differences to be there. It's so nice, that's what creates the attraction, that's what creates the polarity between two people is when you let a man be a man, you let a woman be a woman. But so often we're trying to change each other. We're trying to make us talk less and be more rational. We're trying to make you be more emotional and talk more about your emotion or whatever it is Like.

Speaker 1:

You know how men believe in the vulnerable alpha male. I do. I push this a lot on my podcast that it's okay for men to be open and vulnerable. There's a real stigma to it. We're not raised that way, right. We're not raised to be in tune with our emotions and to show vulnerability, and I think there, even as a man that has the ability to be vulnerable, I actually I pick and choose when and how I'm vulnerable.

Speaker 2:

As we all should.

Speaker 1:

Because there is still an instinctual part of that wants to protect and not show weakness. And there's a difference between. Now we're like we might as well be doing an owning alone podcast, because this is where the rover going down. But there is a difference between weakness and vulnerability. There's a difference between weakness and vulnerability and I think that line has been blurred for men that, like, any vulnerability equals weakness. Where I actually see it very differently, I think that being able to be vulnerable in a very pragmatic, open way and awareness around it allows me to be stronger as a man, much stronger as a man. It allows me to be stronger as a man, much stronger as a man, because it allows me to respond to situations in a very appropriate, practical way, very quickly. What I found with my awareness and stuff is that I can navigate very complex situations very quickly, very appropriately. That I wasn't able to do when I was younger without the work I've done on myself, which makes me very powerful personally and professionally and it's responded to very well.

Speaker 1:

It's an interesting. I have my whole podcast out in my professional world. It's on my LinkedIn. People listen to it. I'm like fuck it, and the responses I get back are so interesting from some people that you would never expect. Like it gave me the courage to do this blah, blah, blah like this. It that you would never expect. Like it gave me the courage to do this blah, blah, blah like this. Yeah, it helped me through my divorce. It like for me to put myself out there. I'm like I don't fucking care, like I don't, I'm not like again, it's not a gotcha type of podcast. Again I'll probably I edit out some stuff that maybe I don't want to say, but like, for the most part it's unedited. I just the most part is unedited. That's care. At this point, I don't care, like I'm.

Speaker 2:

Authenticity, I think, is very important for me personally and very, very enjoyable to be on the receiving end of somebody else's authenticity. Yeah, and I mean, I think, to really be vulnerable it takes a groundedness within yourself, it takes a maturity, it takes a composure, and for men, I often like to refer to it as emotional availability, because that's what it is, and if you have emotional intelligence and then you're being vulnerable in that moment, I mean there's other forms of vulnerability as well, but that's that's really. What I'm looking for is an emotional availability in a man where he's able to be with his emotions and mine and able to stay connected.

Speaker 1:

That's not an atheist.

Speaker 2:

It's not an atheist.

Speaker 1:

We all get to.

Speaker 2:

That's your one thing.

Speaker 1:

I think that's a pretty unique thing An atheist or smoker or a smoker. There's just not smokers in Colorado. There are. I'm in the rafting community. If you see a smoker, they're usually our raft guide. But I think that sort of brings us to the end here. This has been a really enjoyable conversation. I'd love to have you on again. I'm glad we finally did this and I appreciate you. I'd love to have you on again. I'm glad we finally did this and I appreciate you. I usually end with asking my guests if they have any advice for younger women when it comes to dating.

Speaker 2:

Any advice for younger women when it comes to dating?

Speaker 1:

Or just life in general. You don't have to it doesn't have to just be about dating, since you've only been dating for four months, but you seem to be doing great.

Speaker 2:

I would say that just have an idea of of, like, what you want and what works for you and what doesn't. And to speak to that because I find at least what I'm hearing from a lot of people who are on the receiving end of my dating experiences and stories. They're like, wow, you know, you're moving through this with so much ease. But I think it's because I'm just clear within myself when something works or doesn't work, then I speak to it. And I think there's a lot of women who will compromise themselves in various situations because they're a pleaser. They don't want to be direct, they don't want to be communicative about it. So I don't know, I just know that with the direct communication that I've been having with the men that I've been dating, that it's been inspiring for different people. So maybe that's the advice that would put out, but I'm not really sure. I mean, I am really new to this.

Speaker 1:

I could probably give more advice to the guys dating because of what I'm on the receiving end of. Give some advice to the guys.

Speaker 2:

Take another minute or two to the guys I would say, like, ask questions and listen to the answers. So I already already brought that in for me. I love a man when he's in the masculine. I love it when he's he will take the lead and he'll say okay, let's meet here, let's meet at this time. I love it when he inquires and he says do you have any food preferences or food allergies? Just to check in, cause then he's making a decision that's taking me into consideration. I like it when a man will say message me when you get home, cause then there's that protector that's coming through. So when he demonstrates that he has those different masculine components.

Speaker 2:

It is very much of a turn on, hold the door open, yeah, all of those things. There was one guy that he noticed that my headlight was out and then a week later he messaged and he said you get your headlight fixed. And I was like what light? He said did you get your light fixed? I was like what light are you talking about? I completely forgot that my headlight was out, even though he had pointed it out. And just that checking in and that care and that attentiveness, it means a lot. But I would say a man that can hold a conversation, because 80 to 90% of them are not doing so great in that department, I would say in the dating, and then it's a very common thing.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I don't know if it's a Colorado thing, or if it's a male thing, or what.

Speaker 2:

I don't know. I mean, as I said, the guy, the guy who's doing the best in the conversation, he's. He says the women are the same. So I would go there, and then I mean sexually, I would say, to be for a man who has control over his desire is very sexy and is very turned on, and my body will open very much to a man that has that, versus a man that's you can see he's being led and controlled by his desire.

Speaker 1:

So peace. You can literally drop the mic. I think that was a mic dropper. All right, justineine, I appreciate you. Like always, I love you guys, my listeners. I need you, so please engage. You can find me on Instagram, at dadowningalone, or my personal Instagram at jpoppert. I'm also now on the TikTok at joelpert and I just made a really sweet Taylor Swift video in my Disco Dan outfit if anybody wants to see that. Or email me at joel at owningalonepodcastcom. Joel at owningalonepodcastcom. If you've got a cool story you want to share, you want to come on the show? Hit me up. All right, the Sasquatch is out. Bye.

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Joel Poppert

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